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I need a little advise. My parents are living their retirement dream and traveling in an RV. My husband and I took over their mortgage and live in their house. My parents return to the house every other month for doctor appointments for my mom. When they return they stay in the guest bedroom. Since my surgery my husband and I really try to eat healthier and stay active. However when my parents come to stay my mom brings in a lot of junk food. I'm not sure how to approach her about it. She will ask if I want something from the store and I will say no, and she buys it anyway. I know the adult thing to do is say don't bring junk food into our house, but it's my mom. I grew up respecting my parents and a part of me feels that this is still their house. My parents supported my decision for the surgery and are very proud of my weight loss. I have many conversations with her about eating healthier for her health and she still falls back into old habits of eating nothing but sweets.

Help! How do I respect my mom, but also respect my new healthier life style.

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Maybe ask that if they do bring in junk food, to keep it in a closet in their room? Just he very kind and tell her how much you appreciate them bringing in goodies, but it's very tough for you to resist when they're in plain sight and it's crucial that you avoid sweets for the time being...

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Respect is good, but you are an adult now. If you are paying the mortgage, trust me, it's your house.

Your parents want the best for you, including good health and happiness. It is okay to politely ask them for their help. Explain to them that it is very hard for you to deal with the junk food in the house at this stage. Tell them it would help you a great deal if they would not bring any of that to your house. Ask them that if they do, would they please keep it and eat it in their room so you are not tempted. Since they are so supportive, my bet is that they will be very glad to help you. Keep your mother's eating habits out of the discussion so you don't muddy the Water. She is an adult too and you have to respect her choices even if you don't agree.

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I came to the conclusion last year that food is how my mum shows care. It's not love, because she can show that in many ways but she doesn't know how to care for me or my sister in any other way than to feed us (or encourage us to feed ourselves). I found this out when I was on a VLCD last year. She was thrown on how to show that she cared. Then I had the RNY 6 weeks ago and again, she's a little lost.

I don't think you need a head-on discussion if you feel that you might hurt her feelings. You're an adult now and you can say no to the food that she brings into the house. Just becuase you see it and it's there, doesn't mean you have to eat it. 'None for me thanks' is all you need to say. It might hurt her feelings a little that you're rejecting the food she's bought you but at least it's a way of letting her know without a full on confrontation.

Good luck, however you handle it :-)

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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    • KimBaxleyWilson

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