Enabling

[Hidden from view 159]

I had noticed (long before I was sleeved) that my grand kids ate so little. Not only did they thrive, but they even GREW on a couple of spoonfuls of food per meal. They have access to more - they just won't eat it. Except one of them. He eats whatever is put in front of him and then begs for more. He's a chubby little fellow at this stage. That observation made me realise that we (humans) may actually need a lot less food than we actually eat. Not that it stopped me eating! Realising the truth and acting upon it are different things. It was impossible for me not to eat.

My kids are very relaxed about what their kids eat (or rather do not eat). One of them is a pediatrician, and she says that kids seldom starve themselves to death! And if they don't eat what's offered, they don't get offered anything else. No body makes a big deal of it. If the kids push the food away, the mums go OK and that's it. No drama, no fuss. (I, in the meantime have to stop feeling anxious about the small amounts they eat...)

[Hidden from view 159]

My three kids and their spouses are are very slim/athletic.

[Hidden from view 159]

I binge.... I ate till pain. (But no I never ate a whole cake at once??) Then I would eat again..

I guess I'm "special"...

things are different for sure between men and women I know I have extra strikes being 47 thyroid issues and starvation diets through the years...

As drastic as everything that I have done in the past, diets and binging this surgery is the MOST drastic by far.. so it's got my full attention and my willingness to surrender and learn...

I ate a whole Christmas cake over a few days. I bake several cakes in the winter (June/July/August) to give away as gifts at Christmas. I decided I should check that the recipe was OK (should be - it's the one I use every year!!!) and before I knew it, I'd eaten a whole cake.

And then I was annoyed when my daughter said "and you wonder why you put on weight!" And it annoyed me that I couldn't eat a whole cake and be a skinny binny like her!!!

[gamergirl 4,609]

Oh, I totally agree men and women get overweight differently. That is one of the reasons why I was asking. Probably my own interpretation, but the whole thought of not understanding why people can't walk away from food would seem to indicate something else going on. But perhaps you can understand this phenomenon more than you let on in your earlier post ...? Maybe? You said yourself you had difficulty passing on cake or those evil little chocolate Little Debbie type things ... right? Is it a large leap to understand that other folks may have the same demons as it relates to other foods? Again, please don't interpret this as judging. You know I'm not the best at massaging things into warm and fuzzy posts, but I am honestly curious about how this works as I also see this in my other 12 step program and am trying to understand this better.

It's a lot easier for me to understand it over the last few years when my carb addiction got out of control. Before that, I couldn't understand it as easily.

But I also have 12 years of working with drug addicts and alcoholics under my belt. I've never been drunk or high. And I didn't understand why they couldn't quit. Months of conducting and reading their intake interviews, years of lots of reading and research and publishing in the field, years of it, now I understand it. Similarly understand why women stay in abusive relationships. I would beat the crap out of any man that tried that with me, but I understand how it happens. I do understand addiction.

When I was so carb addicted that I lost control of my appetite is when I considered the surgery. The hunger was beyond "normal". The cravings were in control, not me. That's when I surrendered. Before then, I had my eating tightly under control, despite not losing weight.

And I don't give a shit about fuzzy, straight talk works just fine for me I'm really glad you're participating in this thread. You've dealt with this demon on a couple of different fronts and have a lot to teach.

[PdxMan 4,292]

That is the thing that kills me in AA. The folks who have been sober for a few years all get together and talk **** about the person struggling to stay in the program. Time away from the days when they abused has given them amnesia. I say to them, "If it is so easy, why did you struggle to get sober? Why couldn't you do it on your own?"

Then, trying to get at the root of the addiction takes a lot of strength, but it, too, sometimes gets forgotten over time. Forgetting where I came from is a dangerous thing for me. For food and alcohol. When I can't understand other's struggles, I forget my own and my ego gets the best of me. I don't always need to know why a person struggles (though I like to), but I just have to be present to share my experience, strength and hope. That is the tenet of the 12th step and helps keep me sober, and that is why I participate here. Sharing my story reminds me of where I came from and where I am now.

Thank you, GG, and to all who stay and share their story.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Like Laura, I was a volume eater which is why I knew this surgery would be perfect for me. I never allowed myself to eat a whole pizza in one sitting or a whole cake (not a sweets eater), but I would eat half a pizza and then a bag of chips and an hour or so later eat some more.

I could put away a huge Thanksgiving meal and then be back in the fridge to finish off the leftovers within 45 minutes. RIDICULOUS amounts of food and fast! A twelve inch sub and chips, an entire stromboli that could be shared by two with leftovers. I ate quickly and alone because it was embarrassing how much I could put away and this gave me the ability to be full so I could eat a more socially acceptable portion in front of everyone else.

Funniest thing about surgery? I remember my kids almost guarding their fries when we would eat out because I would inhale my food and then eye theirs until they surrendered it. Now, they often comment on how they love sharing with me. I eat one or four bites max, and they are small ones. It's a big change and one I love. I felt trapped by my obsession with food and I'm free.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I really relate to the things you have articulated in this post, MC! First, your hesitation regarding the label, i agree the behaviors are destructive. I have never tried crack, but imagine my food, especially simple carbs, are my "crack". I

especially agree that monitoring does make you face it. I have struggled with the win -loss treadmill, but with the last time I lost a big amount of weight, I made a number of lifestyle changes (one was to take up running) which I naively thought would stave off the seemingly inevitable slide /gain. Well, in June, at my annual physical, I faced the scale, for the first time in a year or more, and found I had gained 60 of those "lost" pounds back. How did this happen?....buy not being honest with myself...saying It is "just" a hundred calories etc. I forced myself to face it, but this will always be a struggle for me; to NOT turn a blind eye to my addiction with food. My VSG is tomorrow, I plan on making it another addition to my weight loss tool lit.kit...

Good luck to you, and congratulations on your surgery! Let me know how you are doing.

[gamergirl 4,609]

That is the thing that kills me in AA. The folks who have been sober for a few years all get together and talk **** about the person struggling to stay in the program. Time away from the days when they abused has given them amnesia. I say to them, "If it is so easy, why did you struggle to get sober? Why couldn't you do it on your own?" Then, trying to get at the root of the addiction takes a lot of strength, but it, too, sometimes gets forgotten over time. Forgetting where I came from is a dangerous thing for me. For food and alcohol. When I can't understand other's struggles, I forget my own and my ego gets the best of me. I don't always need to know why a person struggles (though I like to), but I just have to be present to share my experience, strength and hope. That is the tenet of the 12th step and helps keep me sober, and that is why I participate here. Sharing my story reminds me of where I came from and where I am now. Thank you, GG, and to all who stay and share their story.

I have to catch myself and keep from judging those who want to cheat. Didn't I also cheat on my previous diets? Of course I did. Just because I didn't cheat on my pre-op or post-op, doesn't mean that's not a legitimate, real, and sometimes insurmountable issue for some others.

As you say, let's not forget where we came from and let's not judge. Some days that's hard.

[ReDbEaN 654]

I have to catch myself and keep from judging those who want to cheat. Didn't I also cheat on my previous diets? Of course I did. Just because I didn't cheat on my pre-op or post-op, doesn't mean that's not a legitimate, real, and sometimes insurmountable issue for some others.

As you say, let's not forget where we came from and let's not judge. Some days that's hard.

Yes, PLEASE be sweet to me! hah! I don't know that I consider it "cheating", but I don't freak out over carbs…so some may say I cheat...

[gamergirl 4,609]

Yes, PLEASE be sweet to me! hah! I don't know that I consider it "cheating", but I don't freak out over carbs…so some may say I cheat...

You may not have an issue with carbs. You may be just fine with them. We didn't get fat the same way and we don't get thin the same way right? Besides who could ever be less than sweet to you?

[ReDbEaN 654]

Wellllll, there are those who love NOT to be sweet! hah! It's all good though…I can dish it out as well :-P

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I didnt binge/purge either but had a strong appetitte, pretty much ready for another meal within a few hours of the last, - insatiable at times -carb lover, grazer AND being post menopausal woman I dont seem to need much food. It still shocks me just how little food I actually need and frankly you dont need to overeat by a lot to stay fat....

You said it. I am amazed at how little I can eat to lose weight. It sure does explain why I was so fat and why I couldn't lose weight. There was no way I could have survived on 900 calories before surgery.

[No game 14,436]

Like Laura, I was a volume eater which is why I knew this surgery would be perfect for me. I never allowed myself to eat a whole pizza in one sitting or a whole cake (not a sweets eater), but I would eat half a pizza and then a bag of chips and an hour or so later eat some more. I could put away a huge Thanksgiving meal and then be back in the fridge to finish off the leftovers within 45 minutes. RIDICULOUS amounts of food and fast! A twelve inch sub and chips, an entire stromboli that could be shared by two with leftovers. I ate quickly and alone because it was embarrassing how much I could put away and this gave me the ability to be full so I could eat a more socially acceptable portion in front of everyone else. Funniest thing about surgery? I remember my kids almost guarding their fries when we would eat out because I would inhale my food and then eye theirs until they surrendered it. Now, they often comment on how they love sharing with me. I eat one or four bites max, and they are small ones. It's a big change and one I love. I felt trapped by my obsession with food and I'm free.

I guess you and I are the only fat chicks here that are fat because we ate like piggies

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I guess you and I are the only fat chicks here that are fat because we ate like piggies

I think we all know we ate too much, but there are vast differences in what and how we ate to get to the point of obesity. Every one has their own unique story.

[Hidden from view 159]

I guess you and I are the only fat chicks here that are fat because we ate like piggies

No, I ate like a piggy :-( Thank goodness for the sleeve. No more piggy eating possible!