How can I get her to tell me?

[Ree 215]

Any tips on how I can get my sister to tell me when she will be coming to town for a visit? Here is the thing, she lives States away and plans to come up for a visit "soon" but she won't tell me when she is coming. She says it's a surprise. Here is my problem though, I plan to get this surgery "soon" and I don't want it to end up on (or around) the date when I'm getting my surgery. I have decided that I will not be sharing this news with anyone but my husband (for various reasons) so of course she has no idea I'm getting the surgery. I just don't know how to get her to tell me when she'll be arriving. Any ideas?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Tell her you will be out of town so don't come during that time. I'd give her some acceptable dates to choose from, preferably before surgery. After that, I'd have a whole long list of busy things that will prevent company from coming. She will know something is up if she comes any time in the first month or two after surgery.

[Ree 215]

The problem is she already got her plane tickets (for her and her daughter), she just isn't saying what day she will be flying in or how long she is staying for. I got a call yesterday to set up an appointment with the surgeon and I was told over the phone that after that appointment the surgeon sets up a surgery date for about 4 weeks out. Now If I knew when my sister was going to be here I could kind of plan my surgery around her visit but since she isn't telling me when she is coming it's making my scheduling surgery very difficult.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

She can rearrange her flight schedule for a fee of $75 usually. I think you are going to have to be blunt here. It's completely unacceptable for her to think she gets to run your life like this. Just tell her you will be out of town/unavailable for this specific time and that you are sorry but if she comes then, she'll have to stay in a hotel and find stuff to do to amuse herself because you cannot play hostess then. And don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault that she made the completely boneheaded decision to impose herself as an out of town guest without even consulting her hostess about whether those are convenient dates. And the fact that she's family doesn't erase her obligation to act with at least a minimum amount of courtesy. If you still feel totally awful about it you could offer to pay or split her flight re-booking fees.

[sonya139 95]

If she doesn't want to tell you and she comes here and you're not available I guess the surprise will be on her. You know her better than we do so you'll figure it out.

[aliekat55 157]

You wont be able to keep it from her if she comes after the surgery. trust me on that. My mother came one week before surgery and that was hard enough, but afterwards with the diet and recovery it will be many weeks before you can fake it well enough to fool someone that lives in the same house.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

She can rearrange her flight schedule for a fee of 75 usually. I think you are going to have to be blunt here. It's completely unacceptable for her to think she gets to run your life like this. Just tell her you will be out of town/unavailable for this specific time and that you are sorry but if she comes then' date=' she'll have to stay in a hotel and find stuff to do to amuse herself because you cannot play hostess then. And don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault that she made the completely boneheaded decision to impose herself as an out of town guest without even consulting her hostess about whether those are convenient dates. And the fact that she's family doesn't erase her obligation to act with at least a minimum amount of courtesy. If you still feel totally awful about it you could offer to pay or split her flight re-booking fees.[/quote']

Wow. Harsh much?

The OP said her sister's visit arrival is a surprise, not an imposition. And she didn't saying whether or not she is hosting her sister or not.

I understood the post to mean there is an up and coming visit that may conflict with her surgery, which she intends to keep private.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

Any tips on how I can get my sister to tell me when she will be coming to town for a visit? Here is the thing' date=' she lives States away and plans to come up for a visit "soon" but she won't tell me when she is coming. She says it's a surprise. Here is my problem though, I plan to get this surgery "soon" and I don't want it to end up on (or around) the date when I'm getting my surgery. I have decided that I will not be sharing this news with anyone but my husband (for various reasons) so of course she has no idea I'm getting the surgery. I just don't know how to get her to tell me when she'll be arriving. Any ideas?[/quote']

Keep it simple and don't lie.

You have an up and coming commitment. You'd like to schedule it around her visit if at all possible.

If she presses for deets be firm. It's private and to plz respect your privacy.

[sarsar 824]

I didn't take this post from the op as saying her sister was running her life or imposing on her. I took it as her sister trying to surprise her as a fun thing. Her sister doesn't have any idea that she is having surgery so I would assume she is just trying to have some fun in surprising her. I could see my sister doing the same thing and she wouldn't mean anything bad by it.

Op, do you have any idea the time frame your sister might be here? Within the next month or two months? You could schedule your surgery a little farther out if you have some sort of time frame. If you are set on having the surgery as soon as possible you will probably have to tell her you have a prior commitment and need her to tell you the date.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

just isn't saying what day she will be flying in or how long she is staying for

Ree

i have been the "surpriser" - and the "surprisee" - didn't always work well

things can backfire with the all of a sudden you hear - "here i am, surprise""

A couple of years ago i was a 57 year old retired fart that sat around the house all day

nobody better pop at up 3:00 pm while i'm in my bath robe on the couch "with" Dr. Phil and my potatoe chips and dip (wouldn't be a good surprise)

i really never had to worry about unexpected company (nobody really came over)

now i'm a 59 year YOUNG fart!!! - tape doc phil for later if i have time to watch - and don't buy chips and dip!!!!

if someone popped over now - i would be running around here and there and probably wouldn't be home - SURPRISE sis

tell your sister you are excited to see her and your niece..

but you would appreciate/need/want/REQUEST a heads up concerning her arrival et al

it would be nice if you could share your excitement/nerves about your upcoming WLS - or maybe when she comes you are already recuperating

as OP correctly stated "you know your sister"

if she has no intentions of listening to you, she sure isn't gonna listen to me either

best wishes with your pending surgery

have a nice visit with family

good luck with that

kathy

Edited October 17, 2013 by proudgrammy

[Ree 215]

Yes, in her mind it's just a fun surprise. She doesn't think about things like "what if my sister won't be home" or "what if she has prior commitments". Those things don't register in her brain. Although she is in her early 20's she does still think much like a young teenage girl and does feel like everyone should drop what they are doing for her. I love my sister and I'm super excited to see her and my niece but it would seriously make things easier on me if she would just tell me when she is coming so I can make sure I can fully enjoy her visit without being stuck in a hospital but or just out of surgery and in a lot of pain back at home.

[Michellemo 161]

I would have a excuse ready like a you are taking a friend for surgery and you can't back out because she has no one else to take her. If she arrives a few days after surgery just tell her you hurt your back and also have the flu. That's what I told everyone and they all believed it. It explained why I was getting around very slowly and why I wasn't really eating. Not one person suspected a thing.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

Yes' date=' in her mind it's just a fun surprise. She doesn't think about things like "what if my sister won't be home" or "what if she has prior commitments". Those things don't register in her brain. Although she is in her early 20's she does still think much like a young teenage girl and does feel like everyone should drop what they are doing for her. I love my sister and I'm super excited to see her and my niece but it would seriously make things easier on me if she would just tell me when she is coming so I can make sure I can fully enjoy her visit without being stuck in a hospital but or just out of surgery and in a lot of pain back at home.[/quote']

Is there a reason why you cannot be direct but limit your info?

I don't mean lie. Just brief.

Edited October 17, 2013 by AmandaRaeLeo

[No game 14,437]

Is it that important that she not know?? I don't have a sister, but it sounds like you love each other. If she knew then perhaps she can be helpful and a comfort to have around. I would imagine sisters can really talk and it would give you someone to confide in.. I would feel isolated and unduly so if I chose to not let those that are close to me in..

Edited October 17, 2013 by laura-ven

[acubi2 33]

She can rearrange her flight schedule for a fee of 75 usually. I think you are going to have to be blunt here. It's completely unacceptable for her to think she gets to run your life like this. Just tell her you will be out of town/unavailable for this specific time and that you are sorry but if she comes then' date=' she'll have to stay in a hotel and find stuff to do to amuse herself because you cannot play hostess then. And don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault that she made the completely boneheaded decision to impose herself as an out of town guest without even consulting her hostess about whether those are convenient dates. And the fact that she's family doesn't erase her obligation to act with at least a minimum amount of courtesy. If you still feel totally awful about it you could offer to pay or split her flight re-booking fees.[/quote']

Its really inconsiderate of her to think you can drop everything for her visit. Tell her if she does not inform you of the dates she is planning on visiting then you will not be able to accommodate her at your home. It is clear she has no regard for you or what is happening in your life. The fact that you have decided not to tell her about the surgery makes it sound like you are not close at all. If you were really close an impromptu visit would be no problem.

Edited October 17, 2013 by acubi2