Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Compliments



Recommended Posts

Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it's extremely hard, and I don't pretend to understand their mind, but it's possible none of them brought it up to you for fear of being wrong. Very often people are terrified to talk about weight because it brings up such strong emotions. It's kinda like pregnancy, you don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you already know for sure is because if you wrong she's going to rip your head off. Weight is the same way. If they had said "did you lose weight?" and you had responded "no, are you saying I'm fat?" the drama would've been flying. People tend to error on the side of caution. The fact they made a comment to your husband makes me think this is the case.

I know I had lost about 60 pounds before people finally began commenting on it. It had to reach the point there was no guessing before people were comfortable commenting.

Be patient, you're doing great and soon enough no one will be able to deny your success :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't even like talking about my weight except with you guys on here. And that includes any compliments. For some reason they annoy me and I don't want to hear them. Just don't judge me by my appearance, please.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't even like talking about my weight except with you guys on here. And that includes any compliments. For some reason they annoy me and I don't want to hear them. Just don't judge me by my appearance, please.

its nice to come to a place were (someone) has and is walking in your shoes...its why i continue to come here

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We live in New England, which is a very reticent culture. I grew up just south of the Mason-Dixon, however, and even after years of being in a more staid environment it is still so strange to me when people don't know how to do the niceties. It's not personal, I know, it's cultural. I also love to be in Europe where people are much more warm and friendly. Here, that would be a breach of privacy -- against the code or something.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have inlaws like this and I refuse to let them get to me. I'm doing this for me and if they choose not to acknowledge my weight loss I don't really worry about it. Just keep enjoying the ability to shop for regular sizes and the compliments I'm sure you get from others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I know you all are correct.

I guess what really makes me angry is that my hubs talked to both of them afterwards, regarding me. And I'm sure they probably didn't want to mention weight. But what I'm saying they could at least acknowledge how good I look. Or something. His side is odd like that. And I believe this time he is finally seeing it.

And I know my brother in law must have realized how ignorant he was because he brought it up to my hubs. And apparently he was going to compliment me, but with the screwed hair comment he figured he shouldn't say anything. So clearly he sees how stupid he was.

When I see someone, anyone with something pretty on, or new hairdo, or weight-loss, I always remark as such. People should basically be nicer to each other, plain and simple!! And family members more so.

I've been trying not to allow this to get me down. But my hubs told me he spoke with them and told me this! I nearly hit the roof. All week I was like, really no one noticed?! And here they did and nothing. Not a simple "you look great today." It simply verifies why I don't like them very much and why I avoid them.

I'm moving on, or trying too. I can say through this long and hard journey, I see who are my friends and who isn't.

I'm holding my head high with a positive attitude. !!! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Over the years (I am 63) so I have been fat and thinner-never thin and until now I could never handle people asking about my weight, diets etc. Now I like when someone says something. I saw some family at the Jewish holidays and some of them said nothing at all. I wore a size 20W pants when I started this and now wear a size 14. I think you can notice a difference. Maybe some people say nothing because they just don't know how to.

​Well, I think losing any mount of weight is great! So congratulations on your weight loss.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

sometimes in laws can be out laws. Ignore them. You love you and dont worry about what they think.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

The best way for you to become immune to what others say, or do not say, is to become more self-validating with your great achievements.

I am focused on the positive results I have achieved with weight loss through my own determination and perseverance, and I can feel good about that. I don't need anyone else to validate for me what I know to be true.

Some people are reluctant to give others compliments because they may not have a positive self opinion of themselves. Do your best to not allow what is said or not said to bother you.

Keep up the great work!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another wise quote from a wise woman!

....not me, just wanted to find something to say what i couldnt

your a sweet heart karen :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my case I like it when the young ones (under 55 years of Age ) give me a compliment

Of course just being alive and active is the biggest compliment I can give to myself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • lizardskelter

      done
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • heyitsdilly

      I've officially surpassed 80lbs of weight loss! Working on that 100lbs!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Songbyrd420

      Kind of nervous, as expected. One month out from surgery!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • lauren.g

      😫 Hi, I’m new to bariatricpal! I am 8 days post op VSG. I am struggling very badly. I’ve been so emotional because I feel like I’m doing wrong. I’m afraid I’ll eat or drink to fast or eat the wrong thing. I’ve been on Pinterest and YouTube constantly for help. I have followed all of my surgeons and dieticians instructions. I just don’t know if my body is getting enough. Today, I am weak, sore, and just exhausted. 
      · 2 replies
      1. Tara A

        It passes!! Everyone goes though it! It is a short term emotion! I'm almost five years post op! You made the right decision! Don't focus on the change right now. Try to entertain your mind. What your feeling only last about a week. It's related to your body adjusting and you mind adjusting. You got this!!

      2. SleeverSk

        I agree with Tara it's hard right now but it gets better do t forget your hormones will be all over the place you may even feel depressed. Be kind to yourself reach out and talk to people how you are feeling .

    • Reluctantsleever

      Scheduled for VSG and hernia repair surgery 5/18/22
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×