Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

I know it's extremely hard, and I don't pretend to understand their mind, but it's possible none of them brought it up to you for fear of being wrong. Very often people are terrified to talk about weight because it brings up such strong emotions. It's kinda like pregnancy, you don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you already know for sure is because if you wrong she's going to rip your head off. Weight is the same way. If they had said "did you lose weight?" and you had responded "no, are you saying I'm fat?" the drama would've been flying. People tend to error on the side of caution. The fact they made a comment to your husband makes me think this is the case.

I know I had lost about 60 pounds before people finally began commenting on it. It had to reach the point there was no guessing before people were comfortable commenting.

Be patient, you're doing great and soon enough no one will be able to deny your success

I don't even like talking about my weight except with you guys on here. And that includes any compliments. For some reason they annoy me and I don't want to hear them. Just don't judge me by my appearance, please.

I don't even like talking about my weight except with you guys on here. And that includes any compliments. For some reason they annoy me and I don't want to hear them. Just don't judge me by my appearance, please.

its nice to come to a place were (someone) has and is walking in your shoes...its why i continue to come here

We live in New England, which is a very reticent culture. I grew up just south of the Mason-Dixon, however, and even after years of being in a more staid environment it is still so strange to me when people don't know how to do the niceties. It's not personal, I know, it's cultural. I also love to be in Europe where people are much more warm and friendly. Here, that would be a breach of privacy -- against the code or something.

I have inlaws like this and I refuse to let them get to me. I'm doing this for me and if they choose not to acknowledge my weight loss I don't really worry about it. Just keep enjoying the ability to shop for regular sizes and the compliments I'm sure you get from others.

Hi, I know you all are correct.

I guess what really makes me angry is that my hubs talked to both of them afterwards, regarding me. And I'm sure they probably didn't want to mention weight. But what I'm saying they could at least acknowledge how good I look. Or something. His side is odd like that. And I believe this time he is finally seeing it.

And I know my brother in law must have realized how ignorant he was because he brought it up to my hubs. And apparently he was going to compliment me, but with the screwed hair comment he figured he shouldn't say anything. So clearly he sees how stupid he was.

When I see someone, anyone with something pretty on, or new hairdo, or weight-loss, I always remark as such. People should basically be nicer to each other, plain and simple!! And family members more so.

I've been trying not to allow this to get me down. But my hubs told me he spoke with them and told me this! I nearly hit the roof. All week I was like, really no one noticed?! And here they did and nothing. Not a simple "you look great today." It simply verifies why I don't like them very much and why I avoid them.

I'm moving on, or trying too. I can say through this long and hard journey, I see who are my friends and who isn't.

I'm holding my head high with a positive attitude. !!!

Another wise quote from a wise woman!

Over the years (I am 63) so I have been fat and thinner-never thin and until now I could never handle people asking about my weight, diets etc. Now I like when someone says something. I saw some family at the Jewish holidays and some of them said nothing at all. I wore a size 20W pants when I started this and now wear a size 14. I think you can notice a difference. Maybe some people say nothing because they just don't know how to.

​Well, I think losing any mount of weight is great! So congratulations on your weight loss.

sometimes in laws can be out laws. Ignore them. You love you and dont worry about what they think.

Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

The best way for you to become immune to what others say, or do not say, is to become more self-validating with your great achievements.

I am focused on the positive results I have achieved with weight loss through my own determination and perseverance, and I can feel good about that. I don't need anyone else to validate for me what I know to be true.

Some people are reluctant to give others compliments because they may not have a positive self opinion of themselves. Do your best to not allow what is said or not said to bother you.

Keep up the great work!

Another wise quote from a wise woman!

....not me, just wanted to find something to say what i couldnt

your a sweet heart karen

In my case I like it when the young ones (under 55 years of Age ) give me a compliment

Of course just being alive and active is the biggest compliment I can give to myself

Another wise quote from a wise woman!

Yes CarolinaGirl is pretty awesome!

sometimes in laws can be out laws. Ignore them. You love you and dont worry about what they think.

Funny that you said that, because that's basically how I view majority of them. But that's a whole other forum! Haha. I've gotten better with dealing with them. And I actually believe some of them are the root of my problems. But not anymore. I am loving me! Thanks!