Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

The best way for you to become immune to what others say' date=' or do not say, is to become more self-validating with your great achievements. I am focused on the positive results I have achieved with weight loss through my own determination and perseverance, and I can feel good about that. I don't need anyone else to validate for me what I know to be true. Some people are reluctant to give others compliments because they may not have a positive self opinion of themselves. Do your best to not allow what is said or not said to bother you. Keep up the great work![/quote']

I believe you might have hit the nail on the head. Thanks!!

Is it really that hard for individuals to compliment each other? Why is this???

Just recently, I went out for dinner with my mother in law. I try not to visit that often, mainly because I usually leave upset. She has that effect. So, I hadn't seen her in some time. My weight loss should have been obvious to her. Even if she didn't want to say anything, she could have said how great I looked. But nothing!

Later that evening, I saw my brother in law, his reaction wasn't a wow you look good. His reaction was, "what did you do to your hair?!?!" And in a very rude like tone. I was floored! I replied back with, "I change my hair all the time, and yes I look great" and walked away.

It still amazes me that people simply cannot compliment when it's due. I'm nearly a size 16! I was pushing over 24 before. That's 4-5 sizes! I lost nearly 55 lbs.

Evidently, later they spoke with my husband and asked if I lost weight. They also thought we all did, which we probably have since we are eating healthier. And my hubs said so.

But why can't they simply say something nice? Unbelievable. They said nothing.

Am I annoyed? yup! Do I care? somewhat. Do I value their opinion anymore? no!

I'm just frustrated, because these are supposedly family members who care, but yet are extremely rude.

Unbelievable.

Umm are we related because i swear we have the same mother in law.. mine will only mention my weight when it's clear that i have gained and then she'll ask me oh did you lose weight? i mean WTF???

Umm are we related because i swear we have the same mother in law.. mine will only mention my weight when it's clear that i have gained and then she'll ask me oh did you lose weight? i mean WTF???

LOL! Sorry for that, but made me grin, aren't they all alike! Mine is gone now, but she hardly ever had nice thing to say! God love her! I was warned by a sister-in-law who married into the family as I did, that the women of the family kind of ganged up against the outsiders! I have been married for 43 1/2 years and still feel it!

Isn't it sad about in laws?? I've attempted to be a part of this family, and they continue to be rude and ignorant. The only way I have sanity is to avoid them. Then recently my mother in law tells me I should bring my kids to her. And I'm like, are you kidding? Though I didn't say that, but I should have. I don't get it, they are rude, make very rude comments and then expect you to come visit. I've been in this family for over 25 yrs and they still are awful to me.

Lol. I just read this thread to hubby. He didn't have too much to say. And we had just gotten through watching on the news about a 70 year old woman trying to hire a hit on her daughter inlaw.

Lol. I just read this thread to hubby. He didn't have too much to say. And we had just gotten through watching on the news about a 70 year old woman trying to hire a hit on her daughter inlaw.

The irony....!!!

I don't even like talking about my weight except with you guys on here. And that includes any compliments. For some reason they annoy me and I don't want to hear them. Just don't judge me by my appearance, please.

I feel the same as M1aman. I don't know why, but it has always bothered me when people would comment about my weight loss. More so now that it has been a few years. I tend to change the subject when it is brought up.

I feel the same as M1aman. I don't know why' date=' but it has always bothered me when people would comment about my weight loss. More so now that it has been a few years. I tend to change the subject when it is brought up.[/quote']

I know what you mean, sometimes it seems as though they obsess over it and keep talking and talking. That makes me feel very uncomfortable!!

My mother in law, who usually has nothing positive to say, unless it is a backed handed compliment, HAS noticed AND complimented me...which makes the fact that my 2 sisters, who have said NOTHING, look like even bigger ___________...fill in the blank.

Gah! I used to have a mother in law that would tell me your a pretty girl if only you weren't a Gordita! Her way of telling me in Spanish that I was fat!

She used to be my mother in law...and since being happily divorced and remarried, now she only wishes she still had my awesome self to call daughter in law

My Mother in law...can be Mrs. Negative on a stick waving high above all the others and louder then a bullhorn, but I will say she is always nice to me and treads softly now where hubby is concerned for fear of alienation. I/We no longer tolerate negative comments. Constructive criticism I can learn from, negative degrading comments get kicked to the door. Laid that foundation early in the relationship, so they know where they stand with me. I don't pull punches.

My Mamma told me if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all, but if your looking good..and feeling good then flaunt it and live it up!

It sounds like they must run international classes for mothers in law as mine is exactly the same. Hope I'm not going to be like that!

Yeah, I just don't get my inlaws. My mother in law, has never been supportive of me, in fact she has been cruel. And now all of sudden, she is being nice. Sorry little too late, and I can't trust her. It's sad actually, because she has missed out on seeing her grandkids. At least I know now how not to treat my kid's spouses!!

I don't know why we can't all just be good to each other...doesn't it take just as much or LESS energy to say something nice as opposed to something not nice? I know how good it makes me feel when people say or do the littlest kindness...so I try to do that...why can't we all lift each other up and make one another feel good rather than drag one another down? My weight loss journey has involved a lot of soul searching....I have grown and changed so much....I think that is important especially for those of us that have some emotional eating problems.

I don't know why we can't all just be good to each other...doesn't it take just as much or LESS energy to say something nice as opposed to something not nice? I know how good it makes me feel when people say or do the littlest kindness...so I try to do that...why can't we all lift each other up and make one another feel good rather than drag one another down? My weight loss journey has involved a lot of soul searching....I have grown and changed so much....I think that is important especially for those of us that have some emotional eating problems.

Sherlock - you hit the nail on the head. It shouldn't matter if what the reason, we should be nice to each other. When you obviously notice a change in a person, people should compliment them. Society just doesn't seem to do that anymore. Individuals have lost simple manners too. Like when someone sneezes, how many times do you not hear a simple "bless you"??

I am vowing to myself to compliment, use better manners more often. !!!!!!

Yes, Shazam!!!! Yes, yes, yes!!!! I like the way you think! I also vow the same.