DH not 100% with me.

enterprise01 · January 26, 2007

Then DH comes home. He of course went off on how this is too early, I don't have time to get things in order and the Dr. is just trying to fill a slot on his schedule ($$$$$)
Husband still isn't happy. Wants to know EXACTLEY what this is costing us. Still wants to know what the big difference is between LB and just going back to WW and exercising. Keeps telling me "this is no silver bullet, it is no guarantee that your weight loss will still be there in 5-10 years. Cause you can't eat right and exercise regularly now! What is so magic with this Band that will make that happen?

I've quit smoking quite a few times and re-started. He said you can't even stick to that, what makes you think you can do the same with LB?

I'm going to have to start eating right and exercising with the LB anyway, so why not do it without the surgery and all the risks?"

He looked/read the statistics in the LB book I received and says after 3 years the stats say LB patients will have lost/kept off around 50% of the weight they need to lose. 50% for me is around 30-35 lbs. (BMI 40, 200 lbs now/goal weight would be 140) so why can't you just do that with WW all by yourself?

I'm just in tears! He kinda has a point. From what I've seen on this forum, most people are losing and keeping it off way above the statistics of the LB Brochure stats, but then some are not.

He wasn't happy when he left the house this a.m.

Said he needed more information, more research.

I'm probably going to give up on changing his mind. He is very stubborn and will argue and argue with everything I have to say positive about the band. Then he says, your not looking at the good with the bad, your not telling me all the bad things and dissappointments people have had.

Right now, at this moment, the Lap-Band is not going to happen for me.

First of all, it completely pisses me off when someone tries to compare quitting smoking (or alcohol or drugs) to losing weight. You can go the rest of your life without a cigarette (or a beer or a hit of cocaine) and be just fine, but the same is not true of food. (Don't let your husband compare your failures with weight loss to your failures with quitting smoking -- they are separate issues -- one is a psychological addiction and the other is a physical addiction.) And you have to have food. Unlike other addiction recovery programs that promote total abstinence, with food you have to learn moderation. Well, that's damn hard to do when you feel ravenously hungry. That's where the band comes in. It is a tool to help control your appetite.

Second, using his mother as an example is unfair. Someone who gains 30 lbs once and then diets and exercises and keeps it off is not someone who has a chronic weight problem. It's just not the same. Period.

My boyfriend had exactly the same responses as your husband. Why can't you just diet and exercise? Well, I can diet and exercise for about 3-4 months, but then my appetite gets the best of me and I start overeating again. My boyfriend is a cop and was in the Army for 23 years. He's the perfect example of self-discipline, so he cannot understand why I'm the way I am. I've told him point blank that I have very little self-discipline and self-control, and that an intelligent person recognizes her shortcomings and seeks the appropriate help with deal with her problems. When I explained to him that the band is tool to help bolster my self-control, he was marginally better with the whole idea. Fortunately, we have not co-mingled our finances, so he could not make an issue of the money. I basically told him that I'm going to do what I want to do, and he can either support me or not.

And, yes, some people do fail with the band. But at least with the band, you have a chance. I know that going back to just plain dieting and exercising would not work. It hasn't worked for the past 25 years, so why would it work this time? I need more help than Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any of the other programs can give me. Our history of repeated failures with dieting is evidence that we need to do something different.

Don't let your husband bully you into not doing this.

sumlike2h8 · January 26, 2007

Has anyone ate anything other than liquids on the pre surgery stage of the lap band diet? I'm wondering if I'll still shrink my liver and lose weight if I eat something I like once a week? Thanks!

edieparks · January 26, 2007

Did your husband go to your seminar with you. I think the 2 of you need to start over with attending a seminar together.

edie

good luck

nomophat · January 26, 2007

I went throught that same thing with my husband. Let me guess...he's never had a weight problem?

It took me 5 years to get my husband on board and even after 5, I had to cry.

Good Luck...I just had mine done 2 days ago so I don't know if it's worth it yet. One can only hope!

demsvmejm · January 26, 2007

Yes, He went to the initial seminar with me. They discussed both LB and RNY. In his opinion it was just a huge sales pitch. They charged $25.00 for the seminar, gave you a folder of insurance forms and health forms etc... and had 2 people share their success stories, they were both RNY patients.

I guess I don;t understand the statistics they had in the brochure the Dr. gave us. Most of the ppl on this forum are very close to goal even with only having surgery less than 12 months ago.

Are the stats saying everyone will gain back half of what they lost after 3-5 years?

His whole point is why do all this and 5 years out still only be at around 170lbs. He thinks I can get down to that with WW. I told him sure, but I won't be able to keep it off.

He has no understanding or concept of being overweight. I cannot in any way, shape or form get him to say "Hey babe, I know you can do this, I will be there and help you get through this. Together we can be strong and concour this terrible weight issue."

Even if he does give-in... and that's just what it will be, giving in, He will be totally angry about it and ignore the whole thing and I will get no support. the first time I say anything remotley negative about the band, He'll say, you're the one that wanted it, so don't be *****in!

He has bullied me out of this.

He is the only support I have, and if he's not into it, I can't be either.

Sula · January 26, 2007

Mary,

Please don't think you are totally without support. We may not be the primary support that your husband can be, but we, maybe even more, understand what this is about. I suspect all of us have tried a half dozen diets and failed to maintain the weight loss. I know I have been dieting for most of my life (since about 15 or 16 years of age) and it just keeps coming on with the additional 10.

I'm also a therapist. So I guess what I'd suggest is having a face to face talk with your husband and tell him that you need his support on this issue. You don't have any guarentees to offer him. But your chances of success in anything increase with the support from a loved one. Is it really about the money or is he afraid of the potential change? What are you going to be like when you're slim? How will this process affect his lifestyle? You might also consider going to counseling for a few sessions together. And if he won't go, go alone and get support from the therapist.

I had my surgery on the 16th. I feel great, motivated and determined. It works. Yes, we have to change our relationship with food...but now I have an great investment (I paid my own way) and I don't want to be fat anymore.

So, keep plugging away...all is not lost on your journey.

Shawn

skyeblu79 · January 27, 2007

Is he going to be there if you get diabetes, high blood pressure, pulmonary hypertension, eye disease (Cataract and Glaucoma), sleep apnea, heart problems? I'm not married, but my parents have been for 34 years and I see my dad take my mother to these appointments weekly.

Is your health worth risking your husband being mad for a little while? If your not going to do it, I just don't see why it's not your decision.

Fauxnaif · January 27, 2007

You're the one who has to live in your body! He'll get with the program eventually and if he doesn't, oh well.

Congratulations on quitting smoking, by the way! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

JulieSlu · January 27, 2007

Mary,

My husband was/is much like yours. I was a self pay. He did not want me to have the surgery. I finally figured out why. It was because he is afraid that once I loose the weight I will want to go find another guy. He likes me fat because other guys don't look at me and my self-esteem is low.

I have lost 45 pounds since my banding and am feeling so much better. I lost the equivalent of a large bag of dog food. There is no way I could carry one of those around all day, and yet I was.

You have to make the right decision for you. For the first time possibly in your life you will need to put you first. If you are not used to that, it is incredibily hard but extremely worth it.