I'm still going through the pre-op testing (abnormal chest x-ray is holding me up right now, should get a call from DR. today...wish me luck!)

DH has been questioning the real benefit of LB.

I did my last Weight Watchers session about 2 yrs ago, lost around 20lbs. and was on the road to further WL. But as you all know, didn't/couldn't stick with it to maintain this loss. I was exercising 3x wk, counting my points etc.

Here's his thinking: You were doing all this before and succeeding, you're going to have to follow the same eating and exercise guidelines after having the band, so why do you need the band? Just do what you did before and stick with it..

I respond, the LB will control how much I put in my mouth.

DH: Well, if there's no guarantee that the weight you lose with LB will stay off, if you can make bad choices again and gain the weight back with LB, why can't you just stay on WW without having surgery and get the same results?

I am having a hard time explaining to him why I really want this. He of course, keeps telling me LB is a tool, your still going to have to exercise and watch what you eat...blah, blah, blah! I know that!

He says his mom had a nervous beakdown and gained 60 lbs, went to a nutritionist, kept with the recommended diet, ate nothing more then permitted on the menu and lost it all plus some and kept it off.

Well good for her! How can I compete with that?

She has more willpower? I'm a bad person because typical WL plans haven't worked with me because I can't stay committed? :Banane48:

I guess he's making me 2nd guess this decision.

What if I really can't do this even, with the band?

I'm so confused

Any advice?

Mary,

I think most of the people who get banded do it because they have dieted before, successfully--but then gained the weight back because ____ fill in the blank.

the band, as i understand it (and i am VERY NEW to it) will allow your food intake to hit the "hunger satisfaction" nerves in your stomach--on much less food. also, you learn, by trial and error--what you can tolerate. if you have sloppy eating habits after you get the band--there will be unpleasant consequences (PB's, slime, etc). you learn a whole new way of eating--and you don't feel HUNGER the same way you do without it.

did your DH go to the seminar with you? maybe he should attend one, to see what it's all about.

my DH is very much in favor of this for me--he is helping me with my food, (before and after surgery) and is cheering me on. it's important to have a good support system. even my sister--who is usually too busy to be concerned--cooked me something "mushy"--now that i have reached that stage.

i think, as i feel my way through each new day now, that i have a whole new response to food--MUCH less fills me up--and i haven't gotten my fill yet--but i am still recovering--and i am much less interested in some of the things i used to aimlessly and thoughtlessly throw in my mouth--i CAN'T do that now--unless i want to suffer--WHICH I DON'T.

yes, i still have to exercise and diet--but this is going to make that lifelong need--somewhat easier. that's what other people here have said and that's what i'm hoping to be true for me as well.

(not to mention--looking and feeling better--and getting rid of some of the many meds i am on for various co-morbidities--only gets worse as you get older--i can definitely tell you that)

write me with any questions.

regards,

girlin

nyc

Don't 2nd guess your decision. During the time yal have been married has he seen your struggle with your weight. If it were as simple as he's making it sound everyone would be skinny.

I haven't told that many people, but the ones I have told were very supportive. Shockingly supportive...I think it's b/c they know I have tried hard and no succeeded. And point blank they want to see me live.

I have one coworker (friend now I guess) that I told b/c of different reasons. I have known her less than a year. I don't think she really understands my struggle and I really try not to hold her comments against me. She is overweight also and I think some of it is envy. She keeps stressing how she's going to do it w/LA weightloss. All I say is good for her. My long time friends and family truly understand.

I'm still going through the pre-op testing (abnormal chest x-ray is holding me up right now, should get a call from DR. today...wish me luck!)

DH has been questioning the real benefit of LB.

I did my last Weight Watchers session about 2 yrs ago, lost around 20lbs. and was on the road to further WL. But as you all know, didn't/couldn't stick with it to maintain this loss. I was exercising 3x wk, counting my points etc.

Here's his thinking: You were doing all this before and succeeding, you're going to have to follow the same eating and exercise guidelines after having the band, so why do you need the band? Just do what you did before and stick with it..

I respond, the LB will control how much I put in my mouth.

DH: Well, if there's no guarantee that the weight you lose with LB will stay off, if you can make bad choices again and gain the weight back with LB, why can't you just stay on WW without having surgery and get the same results?

I am having a hard time explaining to him why I really want this. He of course, keeps telling me LB is a tool, your still going to have to exercise and watch what you eat...blah, blah, blah! I know that!

He says his mom had a nervous beakdown and gained 60 lbs, went to a nutritionist, kept with the recommended diet, ate nothing more then permitted on the menu and lost it all plus some and kept it off.

Well good for her! How can I compete with that?

She has more willpower? I'm a bad person because typical WL plans haven't worked with me because I can't stay committed? :Banane48:

I guess he's making me 2nd guess this decision.

What if I really can't do this even, with the band?

I'm so confused

Any advice?

I was pretty much where your husband is now when my husband decided he wanted to get banded. I had MAJOR doubts. About WLS in general. About his ability to follow the guidelines afterwards. I realize now I was scared. Scared that he would die on the table. Scared that it wouldn't work and his last hope would be gone. Scared it wouldn't work, and we'd have spent all that money for nothing(we were both self-pay).

As you can see, I came around to the point where I had surgery myself.

So, for your hubby, find out what his objections are deep down. Tell him that some people (like his sainted mom) can do it. But that you can't. Tell him it's not a issue of moral, of course he wants you to be healthy, right? Point out that something like 2% of those who loose weight keep it off long term.

The band is a tool, yes. We have to do our part. But it's like someone handing you a hammer(or better yet a nail gun) to pound in nails when you've been trying to use a cube of Jello. Having the right tool makes doing the job possible. Not easy, but doable. Guys respond to examples with tools, right?

Thanks for your responses. It's so nice to have someone elses opinion.

I suppose my DH comments made me feel a bit like a failure. Why can't I do this w/o surgery?

I don't want to put him in the wrong light, He says he'll suppport me in any decision I make. He understands I've researched and Googled and have been on this forum for a while now. He feels that I will make the decision that is right form me and stick by me.

I know without him saying it, he's probably a little bit scared for me too.

Still waiting to hear from my Dr. Chest x-rays from 12/26 came back with possible signs of pre-pnemonia.....What?

Had another set taken yesterday, hope there is nothing wrong with my lungs!

Thanks for the pep-talk...you are the best!

Mary

Thanks for your responses. It's so nice to have someone elses opinion.

I suppose my DH comments made me feel a bit like a failure. Why can't I do this w/o surgery?

I don't want to put him in the wrong light, He says he'll suppport me in any decision I make. He understands I've researched and Googled and have been on this forum for a while now. He feels that I will make the decision that is right form me and stick by me.

I know without him saying it, he's probably a little bit scared for me too.

Still waiting to hear from my Dr. Chest x-rays from 12/26 came back with possible signs of pre-pnemonia.....What?

Had another set taken yesterday, hope there is nothing wrong with my lungs!

Thanks for the pep-talk...you are the best!

Mary

I think most of us have wondered @ some point why we can't do it without surgery. I can't answer that, but it's like wow now I have an opportunity to get it done regardless.

I'm sure he's scared. I am terrified sometimes, but I am more afraid of what will happen to me if I don't lose this weight.

Good luck w/the rest of your pre-op tests.

In the beginning of my journey, my DH was not 100% behind me either. I took him to the seminar with me in August, and he still had more questions, whcih we researched together. I am scheduled for banding on Monday the 29th, and his is now on board with me 100%! I am also a self pay, and this was big issue for him also.

But the bottom line ended up being this:

Have I had successful weight loss before? NO

Do you want me to stick around and enjoy an active life with you? YES

Which is more important, my life and well being or the bank account? NO ANSWER EVEN NEEDE FOR THIS ONE!

It took time, but now he understands.

Hi I just want you to know that as I was going to the O R i was saying maybe one last time with ww. I can do it. The nswer is I couldnt and didnt I too would take off the twent twenty five pounds, only to gain it back. I am listening to the folks in my support group and their successed....nothing like ww.

I havent had my first fill yet . I am hungry but not like before.

I wish you luck you wont regret it

hw finkle

Hi I just want you to know that as I was going to the O R I was saying maybe one last time with ww. I can do it. The answer is I couldnt and didnt. I too would take off the twent twenty five pounds, only to gain it back. I am listening to the folks in my support group and their successes:clap2: ....nothing like ww.

I havent had my first fill yet . I am hungry but not like before.

I wish you luck you wont regret it

hw finkle

The band is a tool, yes. We have to do our part. But it's like someone handing you a hammer(or better yet a nail gun) to pound in nails when you've been trying to use a cube of Jello. Having the right tool makes doing the job possible. Not easy, but doable. Guys respond to examples with tools, right?

I LOVE this analagy!! (sp?)

Thanks for your responses. It's so nice to have someone elses opinion.

I suppose my DH comments made me feel a bit like a failure. Why can't I do this w/o surgery?

Still waiting to hear from my Dr. Chest x-rays from 12/26 came back with possible signs of pre-pnemonia.....What?

Had another set taken yesterday, hope there is nothing wrong with my lungs!

Thanks for the pep-talk...you are the best!

Mary

I hope the ex-rays come back OK!

I thought about that for a while, about being a failure because I was "resorting" to WLS. But then I decided not to worry about it. I made myself think of it as a medical treatment for a medical problem, not a moral issue. That helped a lot.

I LOVE this analagy!! (sp?)

I've used it before, and I wish I could remember where I got it

I really liked the ALL the responses, and I just have to add mine... You are doing this FOR YOU.. not him, not his mom, FOR YOU. Unless he has faced the same battles he can not understand.. the self depreciating kick in the pants that happens when a person loses and then regains.. OR starves themselves but then GAINS....

Mainly he is probably worried about YOU and about how it will AFFECT HIM....

Don't second guess your decision, but know that you will be the one with the nail gun in your gut and he will be the one holding the plate of cubed Jello.

My guy... doesn't get it at all........... he used to tease me by saying... OK HONEY what color food are we eating today??? He went to the seminar with me and he did learn a lot, but the one thing he seemed to take from it was that the doctor said.......... the only thing you have to give up is white doughy bread........ so he didn't see that HIS life would change. He and I have discussed food a lot since the seminar..... oh and he really can't be concerned with the money aspect because its MY insurance and MY FSA.....not affecting our joint account.

Well the good news! Dr. called yesterday, x-rays are fine, GP signed a clearance that I passed all the pre-op tests and am ready for surgery.

They have an opening next Wednesday! yes, thats 1/31/2007 wants me to have my final consultation on Monday.

Bad News! Then DH comes home. He of course went off on how this is too early, I don't have time to get things in order and the Dr. is just trying to fill a slot on his schedule ($$$$$)

I kinda felt the same way, as far as getting things together I'd have to cancel teacher conferences w/ DD, try to find someone to get my kids to school, pick then up, get all my Protein shakes and broths etc...So, I thought I could set a date for 2 wks from now.

Husband still isn't happy. Wants to know EXACTLEY what this is costing us. Still wants to know what the big difference is between LB and just going back to WW and exercising. Keeps telling me "this is no silver bullet, it is no guarantee that your weight loss will still be there in 5-10 years. Cause you can't eat right and exercise regularly now! What is so magic with this Band that will make that happen?

I've quit smoking quite a few times and re-started. He said you can't even stick to that, what makes you think you can do the same with LB?

I'm going to have to start eating right and exercising with the LB anyway, so why not do it without the surgery and all the risks?"

He looked/read the statistics in the LB book I received and says after 3 years the stats say LB patients will have lost/kept off around 50% of the weight they need to lose. 50% for me is around 30-35 lbs. (BMI 40, 200 lbs now/goal weight would be 140) so why can't you just do that with WW all by yourself?

I'm just in tears! He kinda has a point. From what I've seen on this forum, most people are losing and keeping it off way above the statistics of the LB Brochure stats, but then some are not.

He wasn't happy when he left the house this a.m.

Said he needed more information, more research.

I'm probably going to give up on changing his mind. He is very stubborn and will argue and argue with everything I have to say positive about the band. Then he says, your not looking at the good with the bad, your not telling me all the bad things and dissappointments people have had.

Right now, at this moment, the Lap-Band is not going to happen for me.

Cause you can't eat right and exercise regularly now! What is so magic with this Band that will make that happen?

I'm glad the X-Ray came back clear!

He's right of course, in that it's not a magic bullet, and that not everyone reaches goal with a band. But the stats are so much better with a band then without, something's going on.

The band is a physical device. That creates real physical changes. Believe me, if I had any thought that I could do this without my band, of course I would have. But more then 30 years of trying convinced me that I just plain can't, and I wasn't willing to let my health just get worse and worse. I would have rather saved the money and trouble, but I'm already having better results then I could on my own.

I hope he is at least willing to consider this for you.

Then DH comes home. He of course went off on how this is too early, I don't have time to get things in order and the Dr. is just trying to fill a slot on his schedule ($$$$$)

Husband still isn't happy. Wants to know EXACTLEY what this is costing us. Still wants to know what the big difference is between LB and just going back to WW and exercising. Keeps telling me "this is no silver bullet, it is no guarantee that your weight loss will still be there in 5-10 years. Cause you can't eat right and exercise regularly now! What is so magic with this Band that will make that happen?

I've quit smoking quite a few times and re-started. He said you can't even stick to that, what makes you think you can do the same with LB?

I'm going to have to start eating right and exercising with the LB anyway, so why not do it without the surgery and all the risks?"

He looked/read the statistics in the LB book I received and says after 3 years the stats say LB patients will have lost/kept off around 50% of the weight they need to lose. 50% for me is around 30-35 lbs. (BMI 40, 200 lbs now/goal weight would be 140) so why can't you just do that with WW all by yourself?

I'm just in tears! He kinda has a point. From what I've seen on this forum, most people are losing and keeping it off way above the statistics of the LB Brochure stats, but then some are not.

He wasn't happy when he left the house this a.m.

Said he needed more information, more research.

I'm probably going to give up on changing his mind. He is very stubborn and will argue and argue with everything I have to say positive about the band. Then he says, your not looking at the good with the bad, your not telling me all the bad things and dissappointments people have had.

Right now, at this moment, the Lap-Band is not going to happen for me.

First of all, it completely pisses me off when someone tries to compare quitting smoking (or alcohol or drugs) to losing weight. You can go the rest of your life without a cigarette (or a beer or a hit of cocaine) and be just fine, but the same is not true of food. (Don't let your husband compare your failures with weight loss to your failures with quitting smoking -- they are separate issues -- one is a psychological addiction and the other is a physical addiction.) And you have to have food. Unlike other addiction recovery programs that promote total abstinence, with food you have to learn moderation. Well, that's damn hard to do when you feel ravenously hungry. That's where the band comes in. It is a tool to help control your appetite.

Second, using his mother as an example is unfair. Someone who gains 30 lbs once and then diets and exercises and keeps it off is not someone who has a chronic weight problem. It's just not the same. Period.

My boyfriend had exactly the same responses as your husband. Why can't you just diet and exercise? Well, I can diet and exercise for about 3-4 months, but then my appetite gets the best of me and I start overeating again. My boyfriend is a cop and was in the Army for 23 years. He's the perfect example of self-discipline, so he cannot understand why I'm the way I am. I've told him point blank that I have very little self-discipline and self-control, and that an intelligent person recognizes her shortcomings and seeks the appropriate help with deal with her problems. When I explained to him that the band is tool to help bolster my self-control, he was marginally better with the whole idea. Fortunately, we have not co-mingled our finances, so he could not make an issue of the money. I basically told him that I'm going to do what I want to do, and he can either support me or not.

And, yes, some people do fail with the band. But at least with the band, you have a chance. I know that going back to just plain dieting and exercising would not work. It hasn't worked for the past 25 years, so why would it work this time? I need more help than Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any of the other programs can give me. Our history of repeated failures with dieting is evidence that we need to do something different.

Don't let your husband bully you into not doing this.