How do u deal with stress??

[CLOE 0]

This is no joke. I don't know how.

First of all,I feel real bad posting this. I pride myself in my ability to be positive(mostly). So I don't like this negativity that I'm feeling, however, I am feeling it.

It sounds stupid but I have never learned how to deal with stress. I have an addictive personality, whether I was born with it or not, but I have always dealt with stuff threw it.

I haven't had to deal with alot of trauma in my life(I know, lucky me). But since my teens, I've just dealt with problems with whatever method I was using at the time.

So, since my banding I havent have my food crutch ( which is GREAT), but know what do I do?

I have been doing my crafts lately like my hands are going to come off. At this rate I'm going to have to rent 6 tables at my craft shows to sell everything.

I don't know what else to do. I know how stupid this sounds, and I know people are going to think, what a suck, get over yourself, because I THINK THAT! But, that dosent help.

I found out yesterday that my oldest daughter, (the one that moved out before Christmas, with the 22 year old, 5 years older than her boyfriend). Has now quite school!!! WTF!!! How do you deal!!!

Actually, what I did was, went to A&W ordered 2 Teen burgers, went to Timmys, ordered chocolate milk and cookies( a year ago, it would have been 4x as much). Went and parked, like an addict looking for his next hit, I envisioned the food soothing all. Well, we know what happened, I took one bite and got stuck, duh. So now I'm really pissed!!!! Eventually ate 1 burger, minus most of the bun, drank the milk and 1 cookie. Threw the rest out!!!

My head is soooo not into my band right now. I wanted to get another fill but don't dare. I'll probably blow my esophogus up!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do, nothing seems to be in my control.

I know I sound like a rambling freak!!! I'm really not a freak, honestly. I just don't know how to deal without a vice???

Any suggestions would help:phanvan .

Thanks

[sherrylynn 0]

awwww .....Cloe, not being banded yet i don't know what to tell you except hang in there, keep doing those crafts and think of the income you will generate from that.....having a 23 yearold daughter myself I know the stress and the worry they can cause you.....hang in there girl and think how far you have come......i Don't have a lot of reading time so I can't read all of the posts ....where are you from Cloe?

[Wheetsin 714]

It's hard with addictive personality because you can't just flip that "off" switch in your mind that keeps bringing the distress to the forefront (though that's certainly true beyond addictive personality!).

First of all, don't feel bad. Never feel bad because of your emotions. Emotions are what they are, and that is a savage beast that very few ever truly tame. Emotions are the workings of things in your brain and your body, not signs of weakness, or failure, or something to receed your pride. Being stressed does not mean you aren't a happy person, it means simply that you're dealing with some things beyond the normal load.

I'm not a parent, so I can't directly relate to having a child quit school, but I am a child, and I once quit school. And I once was "quitted" because of academic suspension. And I know what my parents went through. And I know that they gave me the freedom to make my own mistakes and learn from them. When I was ready to go back to school I did, and I rocked, and have been going to school ever since. And even though I can now look back on what I did as a "mistake", I'd still do it again. I'd still do the worst relationship of my life again. Why? Because as bad or toxic as these mistakes may have been for me, I learned from them, and that knowledge and experience is going to be priceless. So from all that I guess my advice is - let her make her own mistakes. I know, easier said than done... but a good course of action in many situations (caveat being I don't know the whole story).

"Go do something" isn't always the answer, so give your crafty hands a break before you get carpal tunnel from your glue gun. What works for me is to spend some time thinking about the issues I'm facing... and I don't mean thinking about how mad they're making me, or how endless they seem. I spend time thinking about WHY they're bothering me as much as they are, and WHAT that means to me. From that I can usually find a solution. Or least a cause. And if I know the cause, I know what change it's in my power to effect.

Remember that food never solved our problems, any more than a band-aid could fix a gaping wound, even though both might make you feel better. I'm not teaching anything by saying that, it's not some new discovery, and I know that. But it's still a good thing to keep in the back of your mind.

Do you have anything you can participate in that would allow you to clear your mind and focus completely on something else? Part of the problem with "go do something" is that... ok... you go do something... and now instead of sitting there dwelling on the problems, you're now sitting there doing something dwelling on the problems. Do you have any interests or hobbies that can "clean your slate", so to speak, even just for an hour or so? (For me, as much as I'm not into "gaming", computer games focused on strategy work for me, because I can easily divery my attention to that. Reading also works for me.) Even though that's just a temporary break, and not a solution, it's amazing how different things can sometimes look once you're "away" from them for a while.

[bandiva 0]

First of all, you are right, you are not a freak, you are going through what we all go through at one point.

I think the only advice I have on how to deal with stress is counselling and exercise. Maybe talking to a friend who has been there, or allowing yourself to really FEEL your feelings and be mad, sad, angry, etc if that is what you are feeling.

I don't for a minute think that you are a suck or that you should get over yourself. That is so far from the truth. You are having to deal with huge issues without your 'coping' factor of food. It sounds to me line you are very insightful and caring. I loved what you said about being a junkie getting a fix...I was there yesterday as well. What you said really brings me clarity on that issue.

As for your daughter, I don't know what to say. You must be heartbroken. It is so hard to let go and let them live thier lives and make their own mistakes. I feel like I am failing my kids if I see a train coming but can't pull them off the tracks in time. My only advice is that we all do things in our own unique way, and that includes out kids. My oldest quit school and made some self destructive decisions even though I begged him not to. I realized that the tradition of going to school, finishing in 12 years, going to college, getting married etc is just a big checklist society has imposed on us. Some of us will do it all, but in a different order, and others will stop and start a few times. In the end, we all get to where we were intended to get. (By the way, my son is doing awesome now)With my son, I tried to always give him support and tell him that he was loved, and that even though I don't agree with his decisions I still love and support him. But you know all this. I am sure your daughter knows she is loved. She is just going through her 'thing' right now. We don't know why things happen the way they do. Learning to let go is the hardest part for me.

I hope this encourages you. BTW, I moved out at 15, I dropped out of school 3 times before I finished, got pregnant at 18, married a DIFFERENT guy 6 months later after only knowing him for 14 weeks, got divorced 8 months later at the ripe old age of 20. I then finished school, worked in the days, went to college/university at night, remarried, had my second son, divorced again, raised my children alone. Now they are grown and when I look back I wouldn't change a thing. It must have broken my parents hearts to see me choose such a difficult path for myself, but the blessings have been huge. It probably doesn't sound like it, but really they have been. My family is very proud of me. My life is something I am proud of, and I value my relationships becuase I know how precious they really are. You just never know how things are intended to work out.

Huge hugs to you. I hope this helps.

[CLOE 0]

Thanks guys, I know it's just temporary, but I'm sooo use to fixing it right away(with a vice), which, I know isnt a fix at all.

I feel like I'm going to blow up. I'm sad, anxious, furious, apalled, embarrassed, disappointed, etc...all at once. I don't think I could sit and think about it, I would just ball my head off for days.

Jack, snikker, my house has never been cleaner, we could literally eat off the floors. But I would prefer to be happy living in a pig sty(well, not quite).

Wheetsin and Bandiva, thank-you for sharing your experience. I also was a goof, as most of us were. But gosh, I just keep thinking she just turned 17!!! I'm so heartbroken.

BTW Sherrylynn, I'm north of T.O. a couple of hours.

[Yasmina 0]

Hi Cloe,

Sounds like you have hit tough times. You can't make your daughter go back to school, all you can really do is be there for her,and try to make her see how important it is to have an education. I work with children / youth, and the more you push, the more they rebel. You want her to know that she can always come to you if she needs too. Hopefully after working day in day out at a low paying job , while her friends are going to dances & having fun ; things will change. I am asuming the boyfriend is the big problem ?

I too am a craft person and I know how I become addicted to making bracelets, anklets ect. Sonetimes I stay up 1/2 the night making things.

My bellydance grop has been fundraising like crazy for our trip to egypt next month. We make everything, Perogies, fudge, Salsa, ponchos , dog jackets, and much more. This christmas we made $2100 in two craft sales. It may be addicting but at least it beats over eating and gaining weight. Yoga and bellydancing is my stress relief.

I will be banded on Feb 2, By boyfriend , ( we are getting married in Oct) does not knoe yet that I have had a phone consult, surgery date, paid for it and just bought the airline ticket. I guess I will have to tell him today AH He knows I want it and have been looking into it for a while, but he never took it seriously. He is going to today at lunch

Wish me luck! :phanvan

Take care

[bandiva 0]

Yasmina, good for you. Best of luck breaking the news. Just remember that ultimately it WAS your decision and you have the right to keep it as private or as public as you chose to.

[Yasmina 0]

Thank You,

He says your fine like you are. If you want to lose weight, just cut back, exercise more. Well if it was that easy I would not be here, this comes from a man who weighs 150. He knows all the diets I have been on to lost lots of weight and put it all back on and more.

My lunch is at 1p.m., that when it will hit the fan. I chichened out yesterday LOL :omg:

[Yoda 0]

Good luck Yasmina.

Cloe....Cloe...Cloe...I am sending soooo many good vibes your way. I really don't have any advice and it sounds like you got some good words from Wheetsin (as usual!) and Bandiva. All I can say is feel what you are feeling, definitely TALK to someone (professionally or otherwise)...don't bottle it in and as hard as it is sometimes just take a step back and look at what you have already accomplished in your life (not just the weight loss)......you are a good person.

I know what will help make you temporarily feel better....I'll pm you!

Hugs...and thanks for sharing...it is good to do so.

For what it is worth, I also have nooooo clue as to how to deal with stress and though everyone (work colleagues, family, friends) think I have it "so together" they are soooooooooooo wrong.....only Mr Yoda knows the true neurotic, OCD, stressed out freak that I am. But that is not advice...the way I hide it is NOT good. Just sharing so you know you aren't alone.

*hugs for you*

[Time2live 0]

Okay I'm going to open up a little about something because I so feel what you're going through right now Cloe.

About 6 weeks ago I started to really feel like I was going to come out of my skin. My inability to control my stress and anxiety was taking over and I felt like I was going to completely fall apart. For 2 and a half decades I ate my pain,stress,fear,anger...everything...I ate it away. Now here I was with the inability to sooth myself with food and I DID NOT know how to cope with that. So I joined Over eaters Anonymous. I wanted to know how to incorporate normal coping mechanisms into my life. Though my overeating wasn't in mass quantities at one time, I knew I was still dealing with an addiction of sorts. It could have been alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling...any of those....it just happened to be food.< /p>

I've only been going for a couple of weeks....but I feel better for going. It's one or two days out of my week that give me the small glimmer of hope that maybe I can beat this. We all know that the band doesn't do all the work...and I am definitely finding alot of the head work more difficult than the changes I've had to make in the kitchen.

Stay focused Cloe....things will get better. Ultimately your daughter is at the age where she's going to make her own choices regardless of what you say....as much as it sucks there really isn't anything you can do about it. I'm sure there were many many times when my mom wanted to strangle the life out of me....but she had to just let me go...I wish I had known how hard that would be...I have a 14 year old and it's so hard already...lol...I can only guess what the next 5 years will bring.

My thoughts are with you...take care.

[BabyGotBack 0]

You are on the right track with the hobbies. I have heard that picking up a craft that uses the hands was good. I for one ,use this site to de-stess.

I also hope to use exercise as a de-stress as it releases endorphins, etc. I just need to take one step at a time to exercise like I used to. I used to love how I felt. I went to the gym the for the first time in a long time yesterday. My mom is meeting me 3 times a week to help me. I am also going to buy and Ipod and put all my all time favorite tunes to get me going. They say it takes 30 days to break or start a habit.

Also, being banded is wonderful, but also like a breakup or divorce. Things will never be the same and it is hard to see that things will be better than they ever were before because we are morning. There is no going back now. Our band will keep us from going back.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I love this quote "I may not be who I want to be, but thank God, I am not who I used to be". We are a work in progross. Everyday we are evolving like a catepillar becoming a butterfly. Metamorphasis is not easy and down right painful at times. If you look back, you will see how many steps you have taken in the right direction.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. They are baby steps, but they add up!!!

[argon 3]

I know what will help make you temporarily feel better....I'll pm you!

Yoda, I need to feel better too! PM me!

Cloe.. I'm sorry. Nothing to add, cause what Yoda said coulda been mine too. I don't have advice, cause I don't deal with stress, cause I don't know how to either. I yell at Dan, then cry, then yell some more. Tonight, I wanted to drink, cause I had a bad day... but we had a storm, and the liquor store closed early. heh

.. see... :heh:

[Astrotoes 0]

I'm the wrong person to give anyone advice on the whole stress thing,It's been the year from you know where and somedays I just white knuckle it through,but know this Cloe by the sounds of things a whole lot of people think you're pretty awesome so please take a little comfort in the fact that you must be doing many things right.Take care of yourself.

[Lila 0]

Cloe Take care of yourself I feel for you.

I know I put my mom through lots of pain as a teen.

She would say to me "what did I do wrong ? Why did you do that? Have I failed you?" And you know what it had NOTHING to do with her it was just ME trying to be me!

My point is...it is NOT your fault.

[Wheezy 0]

Cloe, sending hugzzzz your way. Did you ever think that your daughter might be experiencing the same types of anxieties you are but is just experiencing them differently. I have such a long story about my kids and it is still ongoing. It turns out that they both inherited all the bad genes from both their parents (yes that include me!!!). I had my kids see soooo many psychologist and psychiatrist that I could not recount them all. One of them actually suggested that I should lower my expectations and accept that they may never amount to do much (college, university etc.). I have never accepted that and the hope is still there. Never give up hope.

As for the food, I soooooo understand!!!!!!