ok, so who am I? I certainly don't know anymore...

[kchristian 64]

Happy Thursday everybody! So, I am dealing with the dreaded identity crisis right now. I'm down 54 lbs since May 1st, and I have 76 more to my goal. But, here are my problems:

1) I don't recognize myself in the mirror - I realize this is quite normal, but dangit if it's not freaky as hell. I'm not saying I don't like what I see, but it's also very disturbing because I feel such a disconnect from myself. I'll look at my arm and it feels like I'm staring at someone else's arm.

2) NOTHING fits me right. Yes, I have the clothes in my closet that are way too big and way too small, but even clothes my current size do not fit correctly. I almost feel like certain parts of me are losing, but others aren't and I'm staring at one of those circus mirrors.

3) I seriously want to cry. Like all the time. I feel pregnant LOL (I'm 100% positive I'm not pregnant). Where did my personality go? I'm not me. I'm either crying or mad or griping about something! My anxiety is up 1000% and it's horrible. I realize as women we release estrogen while fat is burned up, but I feel like I'm playing an extra in an invasion of the body snatchers type movie!

4) 1 step forward, 1 step back, or at least that's the type of game my scale plays with me. I know a ton of people will tell me not to weigh everyday, but I have OCD tendencies, so that's not gonna happen lol. Plus, I think if I was to weigh once a week and the scale said the previous thing from a week earlier, I'd just break it with a hammer. At least daily I can prepare myself for teeny tiny joys and disappointments. I just don't really get why we go up in weight, then down, then back up a bit, then down, then the same, then up...blah blah. I guess as long as it goes down overall it's OK.

I just need a bit of encouragement and reassurance from my fellow sleevers. I keep feeling like "if I can only get to 200, then things will be better from then on". When I lost weight 3 years ago on my own, I got down to 200 and I was super happy at that weight. But then I got pregnant and gained it all back!

I honestly just want to feel happy. For 1 day. That would make all the difference in the world! It's like nothing is good enough and I hate that fact. At least when I was at my highest weight I knew who I was, at least had an identity. I feel like I'm grasping at straws now!

[lsereno 2,525]

It's gonna take time to get used to the smaller you. I didn't see myself as thinner till I looked in a three way mirror. I was like "who's that? Oh, it's me!" After 16 months at goal, I am getting totally comfortable with my size, how my clothes look, and how I feel.

The emotion thing is rough too. It's a big change even though its a positive one.

Congrats on your loss so far. Buy yourself a present. You deserve it!

Lynda

[No game 14,437]

Have you considered counseling? A good counselor can really help with your anxiety and help you get to the bottom of whys...

I have a counselor that I work with still....

[TwinsMama 483]

Not sure if you've been small before, but I'm noticing many of the people who seem to "get out of their heads" faster are also people who have not had weight issues their whole lives. For those of us who were relatively big our whole lives, we need a bit more time to get out of our heads.

I'm glad you shared this because it has been a while since I was smaller, not skinny, just smaller. I too (even with minimal losses) feel I sometimes don't recognize myself. I've also noticed that people I know (who've only known me big) look right at me and dont' speak. Then when I say something, they say..oh I didn't even recognize you.

As someone who is really tall and the most extroverted they come...that's tough because I'm like if I don't recognize me and you don't recognize me...I'm for the first time in my life invisible. Ok, rant over, I so feel what you're saying!

Hugs to you...in time I'm guessing this too shall pass.

[bigsleeve56 266]

I keep saying the same thing start enjoying life and quit worrying about the small stuff. Set personal goals for activity and work towards them instead of just the weight. Start having fun enjoy the new you.

[NikkiV1986 121]

Get out of my head!! Minus the anxiety problems you've nailed exactly what I'm feeling. It's been one hell of a ride, but I wouldn't change a thing. Like Laura said, see a counselor. I saw one after some issues came out that made me want to binge eat. It's been a true eye opener.

I still look in the mirror and see the 92 pound heavier me. It's not until I take pictures and compare that I see the changes. My mind definitely needs to catch up to my body.

This is definitely a process. One step at a time.

[kchristian 64]

_{you guys made me cry! LOL! But seriously - yes I have been SKINNY SKINNY before. I was around 135-140 all throughout high school and into college. I did put on some pounds my first few years of college, but I remember "putting" on those pounds got me up to a size 9 "OH THE HORROR!"}

_{It wasn't until I had my first child that I really put on some weight and got up to 240 when I delivered him. He passed away 4 months later and that was when I really quit giving a crap about almost everything. The next few years I maybe put on 25 or so more pounds on and off - I've been on a diet my entire life it feels like.}

_{When I met my husband was when I really got up to my absolute worst weight ever - 299! I got on the scale that morning and about fainted out of horror and disgust at myself. I started right then exercising and cutting out crap my from my diet and dropped 20 lbs over the next 3 months, then me and my husband started a formal, doctor supervised low carb diet and that's when I got down to 200 about 9 months later.}

_{You would think that weighing all these different weights over the years, that i'd be used to the "various" me's, but nope! lol}

[Dravens_Mommy 22]

_{you guys made me cry! LOL! But seriously - yes I have been SKINNY SKINNY before. I was around 135-140 all throughout high school and into college. I did put on some pounds my first few years of college' date=' but I remember "putting" on those pounds got me up to a size 9 "OH THE HORROR!"}

_{It wasn't until I had my first child that I really put on some weight and got up to 240 when I delivered him. He passed away 4 months later and that was when I really quit giving a crap about almost everything. The next few years I maybe put on 25 or so more pounds on and off - I've been on a diet my entire life it feels like.}

_{When I met my husband was when I really got up to my absolute worst weight ever - 299! I got on the scale that morning and about fainted out of horror and disgust at myself. I started right then exercising and cutting out crap my from my diet and dropped 20 lbs over the next 3 months, then me and my husband started a formal, doctor supervised low carb diet and that's when I got down to 200 about 9 months later.}

_{You would think that weighing all these different weights over the years, that i'd be used to the "various" me's, but nope! lol[/sub']}

_{I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. That must have been devastating! Good for you and your husband for getting your lives back on track! I am still preop but I'm fairly certain that I will go through the identity crisis as well. I guess time will tell. Great job on your weight loss so far!}