Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

To tell or not to tell that is the question.......................



Recommended Posts

Off topic warning:

Get this one: My mother is worried about me and the surgery (of course, it's surgery) so she used her old co-worker, since they were working in the hospitals a lot, to come and check on me the day after surgery! (My mother moved back in January) A woman I have never ever met, had no idea who was walking into my room and stayed for about 30 minutes doing laps with me in the hall way. I was too tired to be real angry because I know her heart was in the right spot but COME ON ...... don't send a stranger to me when I'm hooked up to a catheter with my butt flapping out of a hospital gown to socialize with me! My husband was pretty angry but he was too busy with the kids to really focus in on it. I told her it was awkward to say the least and left it at that.

Awkward................Ya think!!! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Off topic warning:

Get this one: My mother is worried about me and the surgery (of course, it's surgery) so she used her old co-worker, since they were working in the hospitals a lot, to come and check on me the day after surgery! (My mother moved back in January) A woman I have never ever met, had no idea who was walking into my room and stayed for about 30 minutes doing laps with me in the hall way. I was too tired to be real angry because I know her heart was in the right spot but COME ON ...... don't send a stranger to me when I'm hooked up to a catheter with my butt flapping out of a hospital gown to socialize with me! My husband was pretty angry but he was too busy with the kids to really focus in on it. I told her it was awkward to say the least and left it at that.

OMG, You're better than me. I'd be furious with my mother. I would have been screaming and paging the nurses station to remove the intruder... then blame your "overreaction" on the pain meds....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I too have decided to not tell many people of my choice to have the surgery. I feel it is a personal decision and I don't need any judgement on what has been a life changing decision for me.

I do wonder how you guys explain to people how little you're able to eat when you are out in social settings. That's something I've struggled with so far.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I too have decided to not tell many people of my choice to have the surgery. I feel it is a personal decision and I don't need any judgement on what has been a life changing decision for me.

I do wonder how you guys explain to people how little you're able to eat when you are out in social settings. That's something I've struggled with so far.

It really hasn't been an issue for me, thus far. Admittedly, I have had more experience with barbeque/cook out type gatherings than I have sit down restaurants. I think there is the potential for more scrutiny when you are at a sit down restaurant.

At cook out type settings, I pick a little bit here and there with everyone else...fruit from the fruit tray, etc. No one has noticed I'm not eating the chips and dip. When it's time for burgers/hot dogs/etc, I eat my half a burger or hot dog or whatever it is that I'm having and throw away my plate when I'm done. No one has said anything about my not eating. It IS obvious that I'm doing something different, at 50+ lbs lost, so I think the general thought is just that I'm eating less and healthier.

~Kat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for posting this because I feel somewhat uncomfortable "fibbing" but I also don't want it broadcasted...so I will document my walks like I've been doing on FB, my low-carb meals and that way people who follow me know I am eating better and exercising. I walk 2.35-3miles a day for 5 days and that's a lot of info. to share and the results will follow.

Only a few close friends know and my Mom, Sis, ex-boyfriend, and my niece. I'm comfy with that.

What a wonderful life...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We have to remember that once the newness wears off people won't inquire at all. Flaunt it and enjoy the compliments :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I too have decided to not tell many people of my choice to have the surgery. I feel it is a personal decision and I don't need any judgement on what has been a life changing decision for me.

I do wonder how you guys explain to people how little you're able to eat when you are out in social settings. That's something I've struggled with so far.

Then don't tell people you are not *able* to eat more; tell them you are watching what you eat, and now you stop eating at a NORMAL portion size. Most people have NO IDEA what a portion size looks like, so this is pretty safe to say. Not that you owe any explanations, but I've used this one. I even act all disappointed that I can't eat more, and groan dramatically as I throw away a slice of pie after eating a forkful, which adds some fun to my otherwise boring secret.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My hubby has been blabbing. Got a phone call from his aunt today. At first I was horrified that all of his work friends, etc. knew, but he is so supportive and excited for me that it's hard to be mad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Too much energy spent worrying what others think. The time spent making up stories and over explaining could be spent doing something else. This subject unfortunately will never die. I'm comfortable telling others about my surgery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is such a personal experience that there is no one right answer. I told everyone that needed to know (at work and in my personal life) and tell others if they ask. Turns out that was the right answer for me because I had complications and the support has been great.

No one (even pre-op) had anything negative to say. I guess since I could care less what others think that comes across and no one protests. Sure I know where my family and friends stand on the issue but I told them matter-of-factly so that shut down and potential judgement.

I feel really free having told people and through telling others I have helped many people I knew who were on the fence decide yea or nay. I appreciate a good friend trusting me with her decision years ago and now I hope that by me telling I'm helping others.

I do have to say though that I know people who are on both sides of the tell/not tell decision and it has never seemed someone was necessarily ashamed that didn't tell. More like they were much more private a person than I am. I'm willing to share it all if a person asks (I'm also a big researcher so I always feel people ask due to being curious rather than judgemental).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×