No longer invisible, and that's what I wanted, I thought ...

[Jumperbean 26]

Ok ladies...... We are women and we are beautiful. Fat or skinny someone somewhere finds you attractive. Own it and embrace your new body. Most of us have worked damn hard to lose the weight and get in shape.

Now, some of the I feel like everyone, particularly men are staring at me statements are a little in your head. You need to let that go, they are men and they are not going to bite you. If you are hit on and not interested be direct and tell that person. Guys are not dumb and they get the hint pretty quickly. Be yourself as that is all you can ever be. I'm sorry you didn't know how powerful being a women makes you.

I was fortunate enough to be raised by a total badass so no matter how ugly I thought I was she always instilled great confidence in my other abilities, so luckily I got the badass gene. Lol! It's time to develop yours.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Ok ladies...... We are women and we are beautiful. Fat or skinny someone somewhere finds you attractive. Own it and embrace your new body. Most of us have worked damn hard to lose the weight and get in shape.

Now, some of the I feel like everyone, particularly men are staring at me statements are a little in your head. You need to let that go, they are men and they are not going to bite you. If you are hit on and not interested be direct and tell that person. Guys are not dumb and they get the hint pretty quickly. Be yourself as that is all you can ever be. I'm sorry you didn't know how powerful being a women makes you.

I was fortunate enough to be raised by a total badass so no matter how ugly I thought I was she always instilled great confidence in my other abilities, so luckily I got the badass gene. Lol! It's time to develop yours.

Yeah, that!!

[Kalimomof3 613]

Ok ladies...... We are women and we are beautiful. Fat or skinny someone somewhere finds you attractive. Own it and embrace your new body. Most of us have worked damn hard to lose the weight and get in shape.

Now' date=' some of the I feel like everyone, particularly men are staring at me statements are a little in your head. You need to let that go, they are men and they are not going to bite you. If you are hit on and not interested be direct and tell that person. Guys are not dumb and they get the hint pretty quickly. Be yourself as that is all you can ever be. I'm sorry you didn't know how powerful being a women makes you.

I was fortunate enough to be raised by a total badass so no matter how ugly I thought I was she always instilled great confidence in my other abilities, so luckily I got the badass gene. Lol! It's time to develop yours.[/quote']

It's probably not in her head she is in a Deployment Hotspot Afghanistan surrounded by sex starved men.It has been all over the news the number of sexual assaults of women in the military while Globe is not military she is there among them...I have to say my husband is not at all the possessive or jealous type but after being there last year he was like "I would never want you out there" and that is his protective nature talking. Him and one of his friends would accompany one of his female troops to the gym so she wouldn't have to face it alone....That is how bad it was...They do not allow females into male quarters but they still have issues .

Now in a normal situation the advice you gave is great and even in this situation there is still some good to be had from it:)

[No game 14,437]

I can't even believe some if the things that I read on this thread....

I am not a feminist. Let me first say that. I really don't know the op's experience because I've never been in the armed services. But can it be a dangerous place for women and sexual abuse?

YES!! All you have to do is watch the news the last couple of weeks and you will see.

I think some of the things said here trivialize the ops sentiments.

I think there is a difference between having men look at you and being sexually harassed and put in fear..

By the way I don't find random men judging me on whether or not I'm hot enough for them, a "compliment".

When I was younger I used to walk to work. My office was directly across the street from my house. On any given day when I was in the crosswalk I would get men doing anything from catcalling me if they liked what they saw to barking or saying mean things because they did not like what they saw....After awhile I started driving to work.

And another thing there are cultures where the woman have to cover their entire body. This is said to be done because the men respect the woman so much that they want them covered so they will not tempt the men..

As an American woman I will not change myself as not to draw the wrong attention!

(and I doubt the OP is dressing to sexy in her camo)

I know that men are capable of being decent and good. And the ones that are not? I don't think the way I dress would change them one way or another.

[getlownurse 105]

I was deployed a few times. There are any more men than women. Of those few women, Half or less are attractive and thin. ThEn half of those are service members and wear unflattering uniforms 24/7. The other half a civilians who can wear what they want. Every woman deployed gets tons of attention,tons. But the higher the ladder you go, you'll get just that much more. Iris constant, and it is actually crazy. By the time you go home, you can not wait to be "average"again.

Those berating the original poster- you have no idea. Leave it be.

As a county singer said in a song, "over here in the desert we grade on a curve.". Truth.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Kalimomo, JumperBean, OldMe, Fiddle, NMJG, LaraVen, getlownurse -

THANK YOU!!!!

I can't even begin to express to you what your posts meant to me; to know that you ge it, REALLY get it, is so comforting, thank you. I do not, wherever I am in the world, subscribe to the "boys will be boys" ethos, that's how we got into the ugly place of rape being shrugged away or saying she was "asking for it". I am naturally a modest dresser but I will NOT be going out of my way cover up or hide, to do so would be to tacitly agree that the onus of responsibility is upon me somehow, to be responsible for their inability to handle themselves with integrity.

It is a 10 to 1 ratio out here; I am a DoD civilian, so am subject to GO#1 etc. but am not *in* uniform, make senses? It's confusing. My rank equivalency is I think somewhere between a Major and an LTC. Today I had a bit of a dust up with my TL wherein I actually told him that he WOULD stand back, he was looming over me as I sat and we were having a heated arguement. Long story short there, I took my adrenaline that was coursing through my veins over to the gym and ran like I was being chased by the hounds of hell

I also attended a stress management class this morning given by Combat Stress and discovered that I am already doing all of the things you can do; mindfulness, breathing exercises, yoga, exercise, sleep hygiene, good eating habits and a hobby. I will also go back this afternoon for a private chat with one of the mind medics.

I would also like to call out Fiddleman, in a good way, Fiddle - formerly obese men are going through this too, and I appreciate hearing from you all on this, you really touched on the key hurt that underlies a lot of our social recovery.

And NMJG, I went blonde right before deployment!! I'm a dark chocolate brunette and proud of it, but I started going silver at 18 and it's just taking way too much effort na d$$ to maintain my awesome brunetteness so I went for ash blonde, now when the silver grows in it looks like expensive highlights ;P

Something I think I will work on with a therapist after deployment will be what I like to call the "Water Water everywhere, not a drop to drink" paradox. My particular experience is that people will stare and stare and stare but never approach. So I get all of the irritation and uncomfortableness of attention, with none of the positivity of actual intimacy/interaction.

But this bubble out here is unusual for sure, and not like anything really one might experience in the States and most men out here just don't get it. They don't get that I won't come and hang out at the smoke pit at night because I'm scared of walking back by myself. They don't get that I need to work out in the morning, and not after dark. They don't understand that I'm not interested in being someone's fleshlight with a heartbeat (sorry about that, gross but succinct).

And the newest stress? We are now being affected by furloughs, even though we are in a warzone environment, so my salary just got cut by %50. Same danger, less pay.

[Chelenka 827]

I apologize if I came across as judgmental or critical. I was just trying to think of things that might be helpful in you situation, which is an extreme one. It sounds like you are handling it the best that you can. Glad you are feeling more positive. You are very brave.

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4; 12 weeks post-op 274

[butterfly_gal 151]

Wow. Great topic. I feel the same way. I have always just "been there" to my people. Sometimes I feel asexual haha because I never have dates or guys interested in me. I've only lost 45 pounds but already notice a change. I had a good looking guy that I work with comment to me the other day after kind of making me uncomfortable because I could sense him staring at me. He said you look different, you look nice. I was so thrown off because I never get comments like that and I seriously had to think about how I was to respond. It was so weird to me.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I apologize too. I zeroed in on my own personal experience and didnt focus on the OP unique "war zone" situation. This body image crap is hard enough without being one of a small minority of "attractive" females among a group of sexually deprived men. Stay safe and thank you for your service.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Since I am still trying to lose weight, since I am still fat, since I have not reached goal even though I am nearly 3 years out, dealing with my mind has become a greater issue then it has been since surgery. I feel fat, I feel stared at, and I know that these two things are true but shouldn't be as upsetting as they are. A year ago, when I was in the gym 2 hours a day 6 days a week and going to dance workshops nearly every weekend, I didn't feel this way. I lived in my body, owned it and the space it used, was very "present". Now that I am fighting regain and still hoping for true goal, that carefully built esteem and confidence is eroding under stronger tides.

I utilize everything I learned in yoga, mindfulness, meditation, everything, and sometimes I still can't seem to catch my breath. I breathe slowly and deeply from the diaphragm and still feel like there's no oxygen in my air, I think I'm having anxiety attacks. I havae to be careful where I seek help though, as that can have a negative effect.

[Kalimomof3 613]

Since I am still trying to lose weight' date=' since I am still fat, since I have not reached goal even though I am nearly 3 years out, dealing with my mind has become a greater issue then it has been since surgery. I feel fat, I feel stared at, and I know that these two things are true but shouldn't be as upsetting as they are. A year ago, when I was in the gym 2 hours a day 6 days a week and going to dance workshops nearly every weekend, I didn't feel this way. I lived in my body, owned it and the space it used, was very "present". Now that I am fighting regain and still hoping for true goal, that carefully built esteem and confidence is eroding under stronger tides.

I utilize everything I learned in yoga, mindfulness, meditation, everything, and sometimes I still can't seem to catch my breath. I breathe slowly and deeply from the diaphragm and still feel like there's no oxygen in my air, I think I'm having anxiety attacks. I havae to be careful where I seek help though, as that can have a negative effect.[/quote']

I know what you are saying about being careful where you seek help and why but it is important to get it. Just think of what could happen if you don't get help and you lose it. Things like EAP are in place to help you guys but I know it can be a double edged sword.I don't think seeing someone for anxiety should cause much of an issue but of course I don't know how sensitive your job is but like I said if you lose it there will be nothing fixing that. I think in the long run it will be better to be seeking help with your issue than letting it become a full blown problem.