Hi all.... New to the site officially though I've been stalking for a few months....so tarted the official process back in jan... So things are moving along partly because of my outshines. I had been stalking my doctors office for a while ad tthis past Friday (2 weeks and one day since my last visit) got ge call I've even waiting for _ insurance approved surgery. I was having an awful day at work and just knew that this hone call would turn things around.

Much to my chagrin it didn't. I didn't even tell my husband right away ... Instead I began stressing about coverage at work and scheduling. That quickly turned into worry about my latest eating patterns... I am theeaviest iI've ever been....246ish and have been eating everything not nailed down. This weekend alone I've consumed more than anyone should. I'm scared now that the moment I've been waiting for is so close and I'm possibly not ready. Past few weeks was stressful at work and that has contributed to the senseless eating. Which turned into crazy weight gain. I can't fit into any of my clothes and that only adds t my sadness. So it's here right, it's time for me to channel and refocus my energy to maximizing my upcoming tool.... Right ?JUST To ve u a glimpse of what's going on in my head. Eating but can't say I'm truly enjoying anything.

I've read a few self help books regarding identifying what drives my relationship with food,... And the logic is all there and yet I'm still just spiraling out of control. I'm looking forward to surgery physically stopping me from eating, BUT I've heard so many horror stories of ppl gaining post surgery.

To top it off I'm not ready to share with anyone only mom, hubby and my manager know what's coming. I want to transfer my food blessing with exercise but I've never loved exercise ... I want to and even broke y own record with an 8 month regular exercise regime. Didn't lose but wasn't gaining like I have since I stopped right before thanksgiving.

Has anyone else experienced ths? Is something going to click for me soon to help me turn around? Has anyone else experienced any of this during their journey ? Would love some feedback/advice.

your anxiety is normal. 100 percent of the people that have went through this process have had some type of anxiety. this is not a minor life change and the hardest part for most of us is dealing with the mental portion of WHY we eat and what triggers us to eat. most of us are emotional eaters.your gonna need to deal with your emotional eating before you have surgery. after surgery you will not be physically hungry but you will have something called head hunger. head hunger can drive you crazy if you dont come to terms with your emotional eating. I have lost about 220 pounds and still have some to go. you will reach your goal, im not sayings its easy but it is possible. Stay strong and stay positive.

Thanks jmarshall for the advice and tolerating that awful stint of typos. Woke up early this morning could sleep and decided to let my feelings out in the forum. Was typing in the dark. No excuses

Anyway what you've Said makes complete sense and the issue of head hunger has come up in my local support group meetings. I have experienced diets where I was never hungry and it was an awesome feeling. I remember doing really well with it bc I didnt have time energy nor focus to spend on being Consumed with food. But like all else that wears off or the emotions get too intense and failure happens.

I do know from experience its more about being prepared and have a positive attitude about the approach than anything else. It's having the extra pep in your step because you know you are doing well... Doing the right thing making small changes that while others can't see you can feel. But of course it's also about consistency. Hmmm consistency.

Good news is spoke to my manager today and he is absolutely supportive of me taking the time off at the end of the month to schedule surgery if it can be done so soon. I'm ecstatic. I am a planner but planning feels more fun with a deadline. Or at least that's what I've convinced myself.

Your right about finding a new outlet or a coping method for my emotional eating bc it would be a crying shame to invest the time and research and compare to blow it. For years I've said if only I could have weightless surgery I know I'd do the right thing and here I am ... Time to put my money where mouth is once and for all. This is feeling more like a blog entry than a post so ill stop here and get to blogging. Thanks J! Congrats on 220 down that is friggin awesome