Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins

Relationship issues after surgery?

Dreamingofhealth

Recommended Posts

lessofmeismore    1,405

lessofmeismore
Posted

People talk about 'the change' but really' date=' I feel like the same guy I've always been. I guess I've always thought I was a skinny bloke in a fat (and getting fatter) body!

My wife and I have been married 16 years. We do things by consensus. IE We talk things through and decide together what we will do. I couldn't imagine doing something without her support.

I'm happy losing weight and being healthier. If I'm happy she's happy. If she's happy, I'm happy.

That's how we roll.[/quote']

A happy wife means a happy life :P

And having handcuffs :P lol

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

NewKristen    356

NewKristen
Posted

People talk about 'the change' but really' date=' I feel like the same guy I've always been. I guess I've always thought I was a skinny bloke in a fat (and getting fatter) body!

My wife and I have been married 16 years. We do things by consensus. IE We talk things through and decide together what we will do. I couldn't imagine doing something without her support.

I'm happy losing weight and being healthier. If I'm happy she's happy. If she's happy, I'm happy.

That's how we roll.[/quote']

Yeah, that is how we roll, too! Well...he doesn't roll..,he is too skinny to roll. ;) he he.

We are actually going through a really crazy time now! He is an air traffic controller, and with every day our government can't get the budget figured out, it is looking like he will be out of a job on 4/7/13. Then my son, who is 18, is having his 4th knee surgery in 14 months, tomorrow. And of that isn't enough..,we are in the midst of planning/paying for my daughter's wedding, which is in just a few months.

But you know what? I feel like we can get through anything as long as we are together. :)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

*Dean*    1,594

*Dean*
Posted

A happy wife means a happy life :P

And having handcuffs :P lol

LOL Handcuffs are fun. To be honest, we took them for a test drive when they were new. There's been too many nasties in them now!!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

lessofmeismore    1,405

lessofmeismore
Posted

LOL Handcuffs are fun. To be honest' date=' we took them for a test drive when they were new. There's been too many nasties in them now!![/quote']

Hee! Hee!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

*Dean*    1,594

*Dean*
Posted

Yeah, that is how we roll, too! Well...he doesn't roll..,he is too skinny to roll. ;) he he.

We are actually going through a really crazy time now! He is an air traffic controller, and with every day our government can't get the budget figured out, it is looking like he will be out of a job on 4/7/13. Then my son, who is 18, is having his 4th knee surgery in 14 months, tomorrow. And of that isn't enough..,we are in the midst of planning/paying for my daughter's wedding, which is in just a few months.

But you know what? I feel like we can get through anything as long as we are together. :)

There's nothing like the feeling of resilience knowing someone has got your back 100%

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

NewKristen    356

NewKristen
Posted

I agree! We have been married for 21 years. Ran off an eloped at 18 because he enlisted in the USAF. We raised two children, and I feel like if you can make it through raising kids without killing each other, you're golden!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lexsan    104

Lexsan
Posted

I'm worried my husband has an attraction to BBW now that I'm losing weight I'm not sure what with happen.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sleeved&Hopeful    182

Sleeved&Hopeful
Posted

While it's true that the divorce rate is pretty high after WLS and split ups are common, there seems to be a common denominator of treatment. The fat spouse is usually comfortable for the other one because they are easier to control, easier to manipulate, and easier to feel secure with. The fat spouse suddenly becomes healthier and the other spouse is jealous and angry. This can bring out the ugly truth about a relationship. If your spouse loves you and respects you fat or thin, odds are, you will be absolutely fine. Respect and love and communication are so important. My husband loved me when he met me thin, still loved me when I was fat, and loves me now that I'm thin again. He is my rock. We are open and honest and have no jealousy or anger/controlling issues. We have actually grown closer together in the year since my surgery. I am happier to be around and that makes him happier. He doesn't have to hear me whine about my weight anymore LOL. We are just happy taking care of our kids and growing old together. I am sure your relationship will be fine.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

jlbstep    26

jlbstep
Posted

I have enjoyed each thought about marriage and divorce after weight loss. I am 59 (60) in May. My husband and I celebrated our 41st anniversary on the 12th before my surgery on 2/19. Marriage takes commitment and work, compassion, understanding, love and support for each other. My Endocrinologist spoke with me the first time last summer about surgery. We talked about it many times, prayed about it and talked about it until they were rolling me back to surgery! He has supported my decision. I welcome the weight loss but it is secondary to my primary goal - my health. He has been great since the surgeryand I am thankful to have him at my side through thick and thin.

I pray that your relationship lasts but if it doesn't move on. You are in the process of getting healthy. I want to grow old with my husband and knew I was headed the wrong way if I did not have the surgery.

God Bless!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

KarissaKhaos    170

KarissaKhaos
Posted

Yeah, my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

No game    14,437

No game
Posted

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

You shouldn't hate your body! You should hate him! He didn't do that because you "look" bad he did it because he's NOT a good person!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

*Dean*    1,594

*Dean*
Posted

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if he had a profile on "benaughty" he's probably been at it a while.

You deserve better than that.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

KarissaKhaos    170

KarissaKhaos
Posted

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if he had a profile on "benaughty" he's probably been at it a while.

You deserve better than that.

I actually did research and it was created 2 weeks ago.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

NewKristen    356

NewKristen
Posted

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

Oh honey! That sucks! Remember you are not to blame. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. You can't "what if" this situation! There are women who have perfect bodies who still get cheated on.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

abetterme4.2    268

abetterme4.2
Posted

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

You hate your body? Because he sounds a lot like an assho!e and you should turn that on to him. I'm not one for being judgmental, but when I see a significant other shatter someone's confidence, self-worth, it's disgusting. Especially if its something we can control.

Forgive yourself. You don't have to forgive him.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go To Topic Listing POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • KimBaxleyWilson

      KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • bellaamey

      bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    Bariatric Forums

    For Patients

    Health Professionals

    Search Surgeons

    Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

    ×