So, I have been invited to wedding which will fall in the midst of my recovery from surgery. There is no feasible way I can make it to the wedding as it would only be a few weeks after my surgery date. The food, dancing, drinking...too much, too soon. I have decided to keep the surgery private, for now. I want to get through the surgery and recovery, etc. before I tell everyone in my life. I need to RSVP to this wedding and I will need to give an explanation as to why I can not attend. This couple is too close of friends to just answer NO without explanation. They came to our wedding and we have known each other for a long time. I have been thinking about an excuse, or lie if you will, without resolution. Any ideas?Please help!!

My fiances best friend got married 2 weeks after surgery. I went to the wedding AND rehearsal dinner. I danced and I had a kick ass time. I was tired at the end of the night, but it was so worth it to see such close friends start their new life together!

I agree with all of the above. I think if your as good friends you say you are i think it would be really f** up to blow a "sister" off like that. No one said you had to go to the reception and "torture" yourself with food and dancing, but why not atleast go to the ceremony!! i mean seriously youll be sitting down the hole time just take a bottle of water. Im sorry i would do anything for my friends and at 2 weeks youll be fine and feeling NORMAL so if you cant even make the attempt to go to the ceremony and show support and love than you dont deserve a friend like her im sorry thats so blunt but its true your just looking for an EXCUSE and thats just sad and wrong

I don't understand why you should lie. Like someone else said if they're good friends then explain. I was back to work before 2 wks. Anything is possible. You could go for the ceremony and then leave before the reception. It's how important your relationship is to you.

WTH is wrong with some of you?? Why are you attacking someone who just asked for your help? Who are you to question her friendship or feelings? If she feels she cannot go....RESPECT her decision! I know, most of us were fine at two weeks....but SHE knows her own body & feels she doesn't want to chance it...so BACK OFF! If you can't help her....then DON'T post anything!! OMG!

Being overweight (obese in fact) has held so many of us back for so long. Let the surgery be a turning point for you. Get out there. Buy one more fancy "fat dress," and learn how to live a life where food and drink are no longer the focal point.

No matter what excuse you give, it will smell of BS.

You will be pleasantly surprised how, after surgery, the food being around will not phase you as it would now before surgery. Just go, make your appearance and find an excuse to leave early. You will feel fine by then and will be glad that you went for at least a little while.

Don't refuse to go because of food and drink because again you are letting the "food and drink" win again.

Good luck and hang in there things will work out.

Sounds like you plain and simply don't want to go. Just say that you have a prior commitment and be done with it. There will be no magical excuse that is not going to make them mad for you not going. If that doesn't work just tell them that you don't want to go.

You apparently have some hidden reason that you are so against going to this wedding. The reason I say this is because you are soooooo against going. Not knowing how you are going to be feeling. 2 weeks out many are already back to work.

I agree with all of the above. I think if your as good friends you say you are i think it would be really f** up to blow a "sister" off like that. No one said you had to go to the reception and "torture" yourself with food and dancing' date=' but why not atleast go to the ceremony!! i mean seriously youll be sitting down the hole time just take a bottle of Water. Im sorry i would do anything for my friends and at 2 weeks youll be fine and feeling NORMAL so if you cant even make the attempt to go to the ceremony and show support and love than you dont deserve a friend like her im sorry thats so blunt but its true your just looking for an EXCUSE and thats just sad and wrong[/quote']

You are missing the point. I don't know how I am expected to travel to another state for a wedding days after I get out of the hospital. She is my friend but I don't want to commit myself to going to this wedding if it is not something I am physically ready to do. I would not be blowing her off. And this is why I am having such a hard time making a decision. I want to do what I think is best for me and you go as far as to say I am blowing her off. Quite the opposite. I am taking time to heal properly and adjust after surgery because when I go back to work, I'll have to be prepared for 13-15 hour days on my feet. My post was meant for positive feedback not judgemental attitude.

WTH is wrong with some of you?? Why are you attacking someone who just asked for your help? Who are you to question her friendship or feelings? If she feels she cannot go....RESPECT her decision! I know' date=' most of us were fine at two weeks....but SHE knows her own body & feels she doesn't want to chance it...so BACK OFF! If you can't help her....then DON'T post anything!! OMG![/quote']

Thank you. These people are insane!!

Being overweight (obese in fact) has held so many of us back for so long. Let the surgery be a turning point for you. Get out there. Buy one more fancy "fat dress' date='" and learn how to live a life where food and drink are no longer the focal point.

No matter what excuse you give, it will smell of BS.[/quote']

I am a very social person and my weight ha never played an issue in my social life or the decisions I make to go out and do the things I want. It's not about not being able to learn to live, etc. but it's simply about not being ready physically. I can't believe how unsupportive some peope are, especially those who have been through this. Wow.

Sounds like you plain and simply don't want to go. Just say that you have a prior commitment and be done with it. There will be no magical excuse that is not going to make them mad for you not going. If that doesn't work just tell them that you don't want to go.

You apparently have some hidden reason that you are so against going to this wedding. The reason I say this is because you are soooooo against going. Not knowing how you are going to be feeling. 2 weeks out many are already back to work.

For once in my life I am putting myself FIRST. And I done with pleasing everyone else and this scenario is a perfect example. If I have surgery and dont feel ready to go, I'll tell her the an truth and do what I think is best for ME. Who gives a crap about everyone else. Seriously. I should have never even asked.

People travel hundreds if not thousands of miles within days of surgery. I understand that you don't want to go- I get it. But- just realize that it's very possible this could end a friendship. I traveled 5 days after surgery with my surgeons blessing. I just don't understand your reasoning and that's ok. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 kids- I am on my feet running around 18 hours a day. You do what you have to do.

Who give a rats ass why she doesn't want to go..

I really don't care what her reasons are.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO!!

Why is everybody wasting time and energy trying to convince her...

Now I'm going to TELL you what to do missy!

Tell your friend she won't judge if you tell her what's going on and make it a point to do something special for her to show you care..

Forgive me I'm grumpy and well.... Grumpy.

If you're more than a week out of surgery, I say go. If you show your face, you will not have to make any excuses. I went back to work after a week. I could have easily handled a wedding.

Proposed script???:

"We can only tentatively accept due to a medical procedure. Don't worry, I am fine but I prefer to keep it private and I know that you are such a great friend you won't pressure me details I am not ready to share. Given the circumstances we just cannot commit to travel and celebration."

Amanda Rae