So, I have been invited to wedding which will fall in the midst of my recovery from surgery. There is no feasible way I can make it to the wedding as it would only be a few weeks after my surgery date. The food, dancing, drinking...too much, too soon. I have decided to keep the surgery private, for now. I want to get through the surgery and recovery, etc. before I tell everyone in my life. I need to RSVP to this wedding and I will need to give an explanation as to why I can not attend. This couple is too close of friends to just answer NO without explanation. They came to our wedding and we have known each other for a long time. I have been thinking about an excuse, or lie if you will, without resolution. Any ideas?Please help!!

Proposed script:

"We can only tentatively accept due to a medical procedure. Don't worry' date=' I am fine but I prefer to keep it private and I know that you are such a great friend you won't pressure me details I am not ready to share. Given the circumstances we just cannot commit to travel and celebration."

Amanda Rae[/quote']

What she said !!

People travel hundreds if not thousands of miles within days of surgery. I understand that you don't want to go- I get it. But- just realize that it's very possible this could end a friendship. I traveled 5 days after surgery with my surgeons blessing. I just don't understand your reasoning and that's ok. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 kids- I am on my feet running around 18 hours a day. You do what you have to do.

If the friendship Is terminated over this than she was never a friend. Are you kidding me?

Who give a rats ass why she doesn't want to go..

I really don't care what her reasons are.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO!!

Why is everybody wasting time and energy trying to convince her...

Now I'm going to TELL you what to do missy!

Tell your friend she won't judge if you tell her what's going on and make it a point to do something special for her to show you care..

Forgive me I'm grumpy and well.... Grumpy.

Thank you. Ugh. These responses are so bizarre. Everyone is up in arms. So judgemental. Please leave it alone. And get a life if you think that this forum is to try and control how and what someone thinks. This is why I dont want to tell people until after the fact. It's like people can't control themselves to be less judgemental and controlling.

I think people are commenting about your friendship. You said you were close. And that she was at your wedding. Certain things you try to treasure, true friendship is one. Otheres were trying to encourage you that it won't be that difficult to attend after surgery. Then everyone realized you didn't want encouragement. You simply wanted a good lie. Some people can't support that.

I think we too often over excuse our decisions. And, kudos to you for putting yourself first! Just because some people are whopping it up shortly after surgery there are tons of others who are dragging for weeks afterwards. We are each unique, we all recover differently, lose differently and choose to live our lives differently.

I second the advice of Amanda Rae and the others - fewer words the better. You do not need to continue to elaborate. If questions come up around timing, just tell her that this was the only date available. If you want to do the tentative thing go for it, but ultimately do what you want to do.

I think people are commenting about your friendship. You said you were close. And that she was at your wedding. Certain things you try to treasure, true friendship is one. Otheres were trying to encourage you that it won't be that difficult to attend after surgery. Then everyone realized you didn't want encouragement. You simply wanted a good lie. Some people can't support that.

I think people are commenting about your friendship. You said you were close. And that she was at your wedding. Certain things you try to treasure, true friendship is one. Otheres were trying to encourage you that it won't be that difficult to attend after surgery. Then everyone realized you didn't want encouragement. You simply wanted a good lie. Some people can't support that.

I was clear from the beginning. I titled the thread "I need a good excuse". And everyone feels the need to tell me how to run my friendships. This girl is not my best friend, she was not my bridesmaid, I never speak to her over the phone, but I have known her for a long time. She's a very good acquaintance, I guess. Bottom line, I am more stressed out about the entire thing then I was when I started this thread. All of this unnecessary bullshit is too much. Please stop responding if you can't be supportive or answer the question which is posed. End of story.

Just tell her you have the flu. She will understand.

So' date=' I have been invited to wedding which will fall in the midst of my recovery from surgery. There is no feasible way I can make it to the wedding as it would only be a few weeks after my surgery date. The food, dancing, drinking...too much, too soon. I have decided to keep the surgery private, for now. I want to get through the surgery and recovery, etc. before I tell everyone in my life. I need to RSVP to this wedding and I will need to give an explanation as to why I can not attend. This couple is too close of friends to just answer NO without explanation. They came to our wedding and we have known each other for a long time. I have been thinking about an excuse, or lie if you will, without resolution. Any ideas?Please help!![/quote']

Why don't you say yes...then cancel a few weeks closer and say something came up...it happens, people cancel their reservations at weddings.

You are missing the point. I don't know how I am expected to travel to another state for a wedding days after I get out of the hospital. She is my friend but I don't want to commit myself to going to this wedding if it is not something I am physically ready to do. I would not be blowing her off. And this is why I am having such a hard time making a decision. I want to do what I think is best for me and you go as far as to say I am blowing her off. Quite the opposite. I am taking time to heal properly and adjust after surgery because when I go back to work' date=' I'll have to be prepared for 13-15 hour days on my feet. My post was meant for positive feedback not judgemental attitude.[/quote']

If you can't do it, just tell her you can't. But I understand why you wouldn't want to give full detail to a private matter...I didn't even think that I would be out of commission like that. I was planning girl scout camp shortly after the sleeve!