So, I have been invited to wedding which will fall in the midst of my recovery from surgery. There is no feasible way I can make it to the wedding as it would only be a few weeks after my surgery date. The food, dancing, drinking...too much, too soon. I have decided to keep the surgery private, for now. I want to get through the surgery and recovery, etc. before I tell everyone in my life. I need to RSVP to this wedding and I will need to give an explanation as to why I can not attend. This couple is too close of friends to just answer NO without explanation. They came to our wedding and we have known each other for a long time. I have been thinking about an excuse, or lie if you will, without resolution. Any ideas?Please help!!

Ok ok I've changed my mind!

Just tell her the truth she will understand and you don't have to stress out about a lie!!

Ok ok I've changed my mind!

Just tell her the truth she will understand and you don't have to stress out about a lie!!

I agree.

Amanda Rae

I have to agree with Laura, If your that close to them I dont see why not tell them the truth, and ask that they keep it to themselves. It seems your putting to much effort into tring to make up a lie. Just my 2 cents

FYI... I know your mind is made up, but just to throw in my 2 cents. I had my surgery on a Tuesday and on Friday I was at my cousins wedding. None of my family knew about the surgery yet. I sipped on some soup, traded salad plates with my husband who happily ate my food. I was feeling good enough to get up walk around and greet everyone. I did leave the party at 10:30 which was early considering it wasn't over until midnight, however I doubt anyone missed me. Just some food for thought.

If you dont want to tell the truth ...could you say you have another family wedding that day?

I have the same issue. I just explained that I have surgery scheduled and have had to wait awhile for the date, which is true. When they asked what kind I said hiatal hernia which is true, it will be part of the procedure. To be honest a bride is too excited about her wedding than to really care who is there. I can barely remember who attended mine. Just be sure and send a gret gift.

I also felt fine--at 6 days post op I had to go to the NASCAR race and had planned on getting "sick" so I wouldn't have to go, but I was fine....by two weeks out I was back at work a week and feeling great!

My two cents, after posting here for over a year what I have noticed is that most people who try to cover up the truth about the surgery end up getting found out and then there are hard feelings that need to be smoothed over. Of course its a personal decision, I told who I wanted to know and conveniently kept quiet to those I didnt, but if they are good friends surely they will understand!

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

Billy Joel

Amanda: I like your tactic.

Not to mention, if the bride is privy to my surgery, so will be everyone else I know. She won't be able to keep it confidential. Sad but true. I think the only way around this would be to say I am having surgery, reassure everything is fine, and share the details later if I choose. I have always planned to tell my friends and family once I am in the clear. I don't want negative energy or opinions in the post op period. It's too much to deal with. I am a nurse and have worked with gastric bypass and sleeve patients for 7 years. I have seen the way people react to someone having the surgery. People are very opinionated. This is about me and no one else.

Not to mention' date=' if the bride is privy to my surgery, so will be everyone else I know. She won't be able to keep it confidential. Sad but true. I think the only way around this would be to say I am having surgery, reassure everything is fine, and share the details later if I choose. I have always planned to tell my friends and family once I am in the clear. I don't want negative energy or opinions in the post op period. It's too much to deal with. I am a nurse and have worked with gastric bypass and sleeve patients for 7 years. I have seen the way people react to someone having the surgery. People are very opinionated. This is about me and no one else.[/quote']

There you have it! I'm sure it will work out fine.

Amanda Rae

You could reply you are going then the morning of the wedding send her a text and say you've got a horrible flu, fever throwing up the whole 9 yards. Also for what its worth today is 2 weeks post op for me and I actually feel really good I'm back to work I'm exercising with the exception of a little bit of pain in my one incision, i would be totally up for a wedding today so if you reply you're going you may find that you actually do feel up for going at least for a little while!

I would just say you are having surgery and its personal but once you are comfortable with handing out details they will be at the top of your list. Short, sweet and honest.

in a few weeks you will be just fine and probably regret saying no. Honestly, I am two weeks out today and feel totally back to normal and have felt like this since about day 10. Of course if you are not comfortable with that then do what you want but if you really want to know what I think I say you will be FINE. I am in no discomfort, I am on soft foods, my incisions are closed and I am not sore at all. Haven't needed pain meds since about day 4