So, I have been invited to wedding which will fall in the midst of my recovery from surgery. There is no feasible way I can make it to the wedding as it would only be a few weeks after my surgery date. The food, dancing, drinking...too much, too soon. I have decided to keep the surgery private, for now. I want to get through the surgery and recovery, etc. before I tell everyone in my life. I need to RSVP to this wedding and I will need to give an explanation as to why I can not attend. This couple is too close of friends to just answer NO without explanation. They came to our wedding and we have known each other for a long time. I have been thinking about an excuse, or lie if you will, without resolution. Any ideas?Please help!!

Wow hmm thats a tough one...you can tell them your getting your gull bladder taken out....its in the same area and same procedure and same heal time

I def thought of that. The only prob with that excuse is that I feel like its not mandatory that te date fall on their wedding date. Like, I could have moved it back a few days. I guess I could put restrictions on it, like only day surgeon had avail, they think it might be infected, etc. Its 6 weeks from now, so it still seems kinda shady.

If you're that close, don't you think you could just pick up the phone and say, "Hey, got your invite, before I respond NO, let me tell you why. I'm going to have a procedure that's going to keep me around a long time so that our kids and grandkids can play together."

Of course, I'm a dude - so you may need to soften the approach on that one!

not really. i mean honesty i had my surgery before xmas and theres alot of food that goes around etc and i didnt have any problems because you really dont want it. and your moving around fine. But its all preference if you dont feel ready than dont go i mean yall have been friends for so long that i think if you where to tell her and only her she would be understanding. No one knows about my surg but my mom hubby and very close gf and she was very supprotive.

I think you could go! It will be fun!! Go enjoy, dance your butt off, literally!!

I agree with Sarah P. I felt perfectly fine at that point and you won't likely have a hard time turning away food/booze. If anyone takes notice of that while you are there, you can say that you are getting over a stomach flu. I would go if I were in your position looking back to my own recovery.

If it's a few weeks after your surgery, I say GO! You will enjoy it!

Plus, you will have likely lost a bit by then and will be feeling lighter, maybe even down a size. I dropped 20 in the first 2 weeks. I've seen others who did the same. (hit a stall right after but that's another story)

Thanks for the responses! The issue is that I have decided I am not going. It will be within less than 2 weeks that I would have had the surgery. I won't even be back to work yet. So, because I have decided that it's not in my best interest to go to the wedding, I need an excuse to explain my decision. Ugh, so stressful.

Just say you have a trip planned for that week?

And sometimes it's just necessary to be truthful

If all else fails!!

I think you should go! You would be feeling fine by then.

Ok, so if I RSVP that I will go and then, after having responded YES for 2 people, am

unable to attend because I don't feel up to it (nausea, pain, lack of energy) what the heck would I say then. It's just safer to send my regret. There is nothing worse than paying for 2 people to come to a wedding who never show. I have experienced that and it's vey expensive.

Ok, so if I RSVP that I will go and then, after having responded YES for 2 people, am

unable to attend because I don't feel up to it (nausea, pain, lack of energy) what the heck would I say then. It's just safer to send my regret. There is nothing worse than paying for 2 people to come to a wedding who never show. I have experienced that and it's vey expensive.

RSVP to go, then give an extra nice wedding gift AFTER the fact and apologize for not making it...extra nice like a wedding gift plus some extra money to help cover the cost for two people not showing up. Who knows, you may feel up to going, but just not staying too late and if you end up not going, people are understanding that you can get sick, and the extra money gift would help ease the disappoint of the extra wedding expenditure.

Ok, I get it...you've made up your mind. Can you say you have a seminar for work that you must attend?

Ok' date=' so if I RSVP that I will go and then, after having responded YES for 2 people, am

unable to attend because I don't feel up to it (nausea, pain, lack of energy) what the heck would I say then. It's just safer to send my regret. There is nothing worse than paying for 2 people to come to a wedding who never show. I have experienced that and it's vey expensive.[/quote']

Send your regrets for a personal medical reason that you're not up for discussing at this time. Assure them you are fine but need to decline. Then, if/when you feel it is more appropriate offer a more detailed explanation. I say honesty or privacy. No lies.

Amanda Rae