Hi all. I'm new here to the forum. I'm just graduated the Tufts "Can Change" program and am finally finding out my surgery date on the 7th. I'm so excited! I was wondering how many of you kept your surgery a secret? So far I've told my family, my very best friend and my boyfriend. I was just wondering how others handled their situation.

Thanks in advance!

I refuse to tell anyone on my side of the family because my Grandmother, Mother, and Brothers would talk me out of it. They will just have to say wow your losing weight and looking healthier. Then I may mention it. Only my wife's side and 3 Co-workers know. But I know it's for the best

I agree with Ms. AntiBand... just because I didn't tell everyone about my surgery in no way means I'm ashamed of it. I have told 4 people and other than my husband, and none of them are family members.

Now that I'm post op I'm even more happy with my decision to keep it private. I don't want this procedure to define me. I don't want it to be the first thing people ask me about when they see me (no matter how good-intentioned they are). I don't want to see a look of disappointment on someone's face when I tell them I've "only" lost 17.5 pounds in 5 weeks (when I'm not disappointed in it). There are way more interesting things to talk about than my weight.

Please people, STOP with the "ashamed, embarrassed and lying" remarks. Just stop! Other than my imediate family, I don't tell people because.. Well, I don't want to. Fairly clear.. Even for the most simpleminded folks out there.

Fact is, I stopped riding my bike for a couple years and started riding again. People asked me why I decided to start riding again... And you know what, I didn't tell them I had a hemorrhoidectomy either.. Because well, I just didn't find it their business.

I had a breast reduction and people asked me how I lost so much weight .. ( I hadn't)

And yep, I didn't tell them about my reduction either. Or about my prolasped uterus surgery, or about my carpel tunnel surgery, or about my gazillion other things in my life that are retardedly boring.

Go figure people.. It's one's own business. Not all of us are self promotors and think everyone wants to know about us.

Well said--everyone is entitled to privacy about their lives, including their personal health. It doesn't mean that anyone is ashamed or embarrassed. I don't necessarily agree that people who share or even overshare about their surgery are "self-promoters," but for me, that's how I would feel if I shared the information all over the place, so I do understand what you are saying... I know it's my issue and not anyone else's that I hate talking too much about myself. I don't think it's lying not to tell most people I know that I had a bout of kidney stones yesterday--just like it's my business if I had VSG. I'm thinking most people really don't care about either one.

I fell for it and commented on another one of these threads and I regret it. Again.

To be very clear, I said that when I PERSONALLY didn't tell that it was from shame and embarrassment, and that I can't be the only one. But I also pointed out that some people (even citing my sister and her WLS as an example)) are just private people and it has nothing to do with shame.

Calling people "liars" if they don't tell, or "self-promoters" if they do tell, is just bullying from both sides. But that seems to be a running theme around here lately.

Yeah, you're right and I apologize for responding to a name caller with the same. I guess I just get tried of having to defend myself and others over something that is just not true.

And I understand that completely. Even as someone who did hide WLS out of shame and embarrassment, I am 100% sure that there are a lot of people, like you and my sister who just don't share any information like that, and it has nothing to do with shame.

My post wasn't just directed to you. Like you said, you were responding to the "liar" comments. I've heard the "self promoter" thing probably half as much as the other side has heard "liar" and I know how much it bothers me, so I really get where you were coming from. Thank you for apologizing. That's why I want to BE you. Because you're awesome

I just wish this didn't have to be such an "our side, your side" issue, but it always becomes that in these threads. I am open about it, but understand someone being private about it. It just seems to always come down to name calling. Admittedly usually started by the "sharers" calling the "privates" liars. It's just so unnecessary.

I don't think there's anything wrong with telling anyone about the surgery. I mean its No ones business and you don't have to tell the world but when you are out of work for a while coworkers are going to ask and l have no problem discussing it. People who've had the surgery have told me they keep it a secret because they don't want people to think they failed if the weight doesn't come off as fast. For me it makes it more challenging and I feel having the support of family and friends makes me more likely to stay on path for my goal.

I told my mom and my aunt a few friends and a couple coworkers. The only person I "hid" it from was my sister. I know how she feels about this and I just didn't want that frustration on my shoulders. I told her the night before I was going in to surgery. She hasn't spoken to me since.. I was sleeved on April 16... Everyone else that's knows or has found out since has been so super supportive!! I am grateful for them.. Miss my sister tho.. I hope she comes around soon...

I have told my husband, (who thinks I'm crazy but is supporting me because he loves me and wants me to be happy), my kids (who don't really understand but just want me to be happy), my best friend, a good friend from my kids school, my three counterparts at work, another co-worker, and my mom (who cried an somehow decided it was her fault I can't stop eating). I told my boss and my employees I was having a "minor procedure".

I still pre-op. I was approved Monday and found out Wednesday and will set my surgery date for mid-June. I will decide later if I want share with the whole world. Up until Wednesday, I wasn't sure I would be approved (although at 90 pounds over ideal and with four co-morbidities I thought it was a safe bet). I don't want people to judge me by how I lose the weight. I want them to judge me on who I am. After the surgery, I may share with more people. It will be education for them, but for now, it is personal and only people I am close to know.

I think it is a choice each person has to make. I am a naturally introverted person, so I choose to keep if to myself.

I only told my adult son because he is taking me to the hospital and his girlfriend. No one else.

I only told my wife (of course), son and mother. Anyone else is on a need to know basis and they don't need to know.

No I wanted to be accountable, plus I didn't want people thinking I was sick, show people wls works, and you have to work your food and exercise!

Aime, I respect your decision to tell everyone in your life, and I'm glad that you're comfortable doing that. It's a personal choice. I think you should respect our decision not to.

I kept mine a secret! The only person I told was boyfriend, went to all my dr apts and stuff to get it ready! I finally told my family when i got approval letter,really just my mom and my sister so far. I'm kind if a person that keeps everything to her self! So I prob won't say anything until people start questioning how I am loosing!

I have been very open about my surgery. I am beginning to hold back now, 7 weeks later. I see disappointment when someone asks 'how much more weight have you lost?' And I have to say I haven't lost any this week but I am losing inches and blah blah blah. Right now I would rather not have it the major topic in all my conversations.