Hi all. I'm new here to the forum. I'm just graduated the Tufts "Can Change" program and am finally finding out my surgery date on the 7th. I'm so excited! I was wondering how many of you kept your surgery a secret? So far I've told my family, my very best friend and my boyfriend. I was just wondering how others handled their situation.

Thanks in advance!

I run a business and I am not telling my clients other than I am having a surgery any suggestions on what to tell them? I've already had my gallbladder out so I can't use that excuse but I don't feel they need to know my personal information

I told a couple of people at work that I thought would keep it hush hush. They did until there was a meeting and my supervisor who was new announced to the whole staff we were going to b short handed and one of the reasons was i was going out for surgery! Then the questions started flowing!! Some one let the cat out of the bag and then everyone knew. I figured screw it now i just talk to anyone that has questions. I was upset but I guess I should have just said nothing to anyone. I talked to my kids about how they felt my daughter just said it would be weird to have a skinny mom. Lol Also my partner knew she was not excited about it but understood. Her worry was about the surgery after that I could never asked for anyone more supportive!!!

I told my family and close friends.I also told my mother in law so I am pretty sure my husbands whole family knows (my mil cant keep her yap shut)to include his ex wife and his daughters. I went to a funeral a couple weeks ago and my MIL and SIL were giving me judgmental looks and I know they noticed my nearly 40lb weightloss as I went from a 16/18 to a 10/12 but they didn't say anything. My MIL I am sure doesn't think I deserve it bc I took the "easy way out" but in reality my MIL is the one taking the easy out by just staying fat. My SIL is a borderline anorexic and the family is constantly getting questions about whether she has cancer or is otherwise ill bc she looks like a rail so I know it is just bitterness on her part. Going through the judgement from my in laws I can totally I understand why people keep surgery to themselves. Also make sure you trust the people you tell not to spread it if you don't want anyone to know. Bc like I said my MIL told my husband's EX why I dont know since my MIL doesn't even like her and his EX and I do not get along at all so she doesn't need to know my business.Ex is also very judgmental but she and her new husband are also on the just stay fat wagon at over 300lbs and 400lbs so she can judge away while she is still buying mumus;)

My surgery date is march 20... At first when my his and I went to our wls seminar.. I told no one. Not even my family! That was in dec. since we are both having the procedure done (he is going over the summer) we were unsure if who to tell. His aunt passed away back in the 80's from "stomach stapling" surgery due to an incompetent Dr. and hosp negligence. So we have not been 100% forth coming with his family as of yet... I have only told a few close friends and select family members.

I have gotten good and neg responses.... I plan on telling lore ppl as my pre-op journey progress.

That all being said: it's a very personal choice. Do what feels right to you... You will find your attitude will change the closer you get to surgery. In went from telling no one.. To a few who matter... Best of luck.

"Those who judge you will be judged themselves, don't let your happiness rest in their judgement"

I run a business and I am not telling my clients other than I am having a surgery any suggestions on what to tell them? I've already had my gallbladder out so I can't use that excuse but I don't feel they need to know my personal information

I had planned to use the gallbladder excuse (I didn't tell anyone about that surgery either), but my big mouth husband told one of our friends, who told his wife, who told two other people. So annoying. This is the exact reason I am not telling anyone.

Re work clients (I work from home), I'm just making myself unavailable for a week for in-person meetings and will probably say I'll be out of town for a few days just in case I don't feel like checking email. Everyone is not entitled to know every detail of my life.

When I had WLS, the only person I told was my husband. I told my boss I was going out for hernia surgery, same with my entire family. Here's my horrible situation.... the office gossip (who happens to sit next to me at work) suddenly decided to have WLS by the same Dr. two weeks after I had my surgery. Totally out of the blue! Suddenly, I can no longer attend my support groups because i know she'll be there. I have to make sure my follow up appointments aren't on the same day as hers, and she is now going to my personal trainer (who only deals with WLS patients). Every day I have to listen to her blab on and on about her surgery, her support groups, her diet, and her trainer. I feel like I am in my own personal hell. I am in constant fear of someone finding out my secret, or that I'll slip up and accidentally say something. I have no support, except from my thin husband who doesn't really understand. I have no one to talk to about my struggles, and I can't tell anyone about my surgery now because its gone on waay too long. I've told so many lies to so many people. Please consider my situation if you're pre-op. This secret is a heavy burden to carry.

I kept it a secret. I had hernia surgery, so that was the word

Told my husband and my assistant in my business

I told my husband and my best friend, but only because she is going to pick me up from the airport. I'm just a private person, except when I tell everything to total strangers on here, lol

My whole family (both sides) know and I appreciate the support and kind words. I will tell people if they ask, but will not go out of my way to share it otherwise.

I'm new to this forum and it has been so helpful. I struggled with this too. I have just started the process, told my husband and daughter. I have also told 4 people that I know who have had the surgery. They have been so helpful. I am kind if private and don't want everyone to know.

I was banded 10 years ago and actually regretted telling so many people! I felt like they watched every bite of food I ever put in my mouth and that I was the object of a lot of gossip! So this time around my plan was to learn from my past experiences and be very selective of who I told, however I am going through this process with my best friend and she is just so dang excited she is telling everyone! So it has blown my intentions through the roof! It feels like everyone in our social circle already knows!! But I have to say that I have loved having someone to go through this with so I will take my lack of privacy about this in stride!! I am still not telling my in-laws though

I really don't understand everyone being so secretive. You should not be ashamed about making this choice you should be proud about making the decision to better your life. If people are judgemental about it that is their problem. It's reality I'm fat and out of shape and I need to do something about it. I tell everyone pretty much everyone is supportive and is excited for me and the ones that have said I should just lose the weight with just diet and excerise, I very kindly explain that I've been trying to diet for the last 15 years and looks where is has gotten me. And then also through out there if they would like to put a 100lb fat suit on and race me up the stairs and see how easy it is. Which usually gives them a reality check. I also think by telling everyone I have a better chance of not failing. More friends and family and coworkers to keep me on track. You would be amazed how many people have already had weightloss surgery. Good luck everyone.

Why is it that keeping one's business to one's self equal being ashamed? I know we live in a world now that nothing is private anymore and everyone knows everyone's business but really, not everyone is like that. Maybe it's my age showing.

My husband and son know, that is the way I choose to keep for now. I am not ashamed of what I am doing. This is my decision and my health and I don't need to explain anything to anyone or justify it. Just because someone asks a question, does not mean an answer is required of me. I have always been a private person and this is no exception. Would you answer if someone asked you what your income was? Or how much your house cost? Or when did you last have sex? I most certainly would not. For me, that falls under the category "personal", as does my weight, weight loss and my health. People ask intrusive questions because they know most people will feel like they have to answer. I do not. It is really just that simple.

So for those of us who choose to keep our private life private is no way equals that we are "ashamed" or that we are not "proud" of making the decision to better our life through surgery.

I"m sorry if you don't understand that but please don't judge us and dump us into the ashamed category.

I hope also by telling people that it will encourage them to make different decisions about their health or for them to share information with other people in a way that starts on epidemic of knowledge for healthy living. It is not my intent to be preachy or to say " hey, look, this is the only way", but I do have a lot of good things to say about the sleeve and the lifestyle it has helped me embrace. That is key. Sleeve surgery by itself will only be another "fad diet" if you do not use it to form new eating, exercise and even mental behaviors. The sleeve surgery is the catalyst that helped me build a whole new "me" that is different from the old "me" in so many ways. It takes time. That is why I believe they call the first 6 months the "honeymoon period" because it is during the time that you slay your own dragons and come out a hero. You do have to be strong though and not expect for everything to fall in place overnight. There will be some mistakes along the way, but overall, you will come out the other end a new person who views food, exercise and the world around you in a completely different way. Embrace the change.

I found that there was no way to keep it a secret or keep my health business private. People have no boundaries. I lost my weight fairly quickly. People have a hard time with this as it is not typical. I'd also like to say that being a private person is not synonymous with "ashamed".

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I told my husband, family, and co-workers. That's about it. It's not a secret, though, and I don't really care who knows. I am happy to have made this decision that will help me to regain control of my life.