Did you keep your surgery a secret?

[Amie 90]

Some people in this forum don't tell family and friends because they are ashamed that they had WLS. Some people don't tell them because they don't have the support systems they need.

If you don't tell anyone because you are ashamed that you had WLS, I don't get that...but it isn't my place to, either. You shouldn't be ashamed that you did this tho..,because it is one of the most awesomely courageous things you have done in your whole life.

If you don't tell anyone because you don't have a good support system around you...I am sorry! I have been in this place before, and it is miserable.

I started off by telling my husband and kids. Then I told my mom and dad and a couple really good friends. After surgery, when I started losing really fast, I started telling more people. I actually told anyone who asked. I personally felt guilty about lying, because I didn't want people think they could lose like this by "eating right and working out!" More than that, I am 39...if I get a crappy reaction, then I don't need that person in my life. I am too awesome to have people judge me and not be supportive. I had a couple weird reactions and several people who put their foot in their mouth. But all have come around. Good for them, because of they didn't, we would have to part ways. I am not apologizing for being the best me, nor will I ever let them shame me.

Please know that I am not judging anyone. As I said this is me and the way I life my life. You do yours anyway you want, as long as you are happy and healthy!

Love it. We need more awesome people in the world.

[onelessfatgirl 103]

I think there is a time and place for everything' date=' and I will decide both when it is right for me.[/quote']

YES! Couldn't agree more! My hubs has been totally supportive. But the one area he hasn't easily understood (until recently) is my decision to limit who I tell (to include not telling his parents and siblings). I told him, my parents, my sister, and two of my closest friends and two friends from my past who have has WLS. My new employer knows I'm having surgery but not what for. I accepted the job a week ago on the condition that I be allowed time off for the procedure and recovery. That's it so far. I haven't told anyone else. I'm sure in time I will tell others but it has to feel right for me.

[MK1986 78]

I am currently looking for work. I'm not sure what to do if I get offered a job. There is apart of me hoping I'll get offered a job I can start after my week or two recovery.

I am in the same position as you. Currently for a new job while on sick leave..lol

[TES 858]

Sorry but choosing to keep personal things to one's self is not in any way, shape or form "going around lying" Doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, overweight or what have you. A person does have a right to to keep things personal. A lot of mature people do that and I can assure you we are not living a "fake life".

Tell anyone and everyone as much or as little as you want. I don't judge that. But just because not everyone sees it like you do doesn't mean it's a lie.

I really agree with this. I haven't shouted from the rooftops about my surgery, but I also haven't lied about it to anyone. I told a few people that I was having surgery (mostly business contacts whom I needed to let know I would be out--although I was answering business emails from my iphone within a few hours of surgery)--and not one person was rude enough to ask what kind of surgery. If anyone asks at any point how I am losing weight (I'll be so psyched when I lose enough for it to be noticeable--LOL), I will likely say either 1) I decided to make myself a priority; or 2) small portions, low carb, and exercise--all of which will be true.

I think it's fine if people want to share the personal details of their life with others, but I wasn't raised that way. I don't judge people who like to do it, but it's just my personal preference not to do it. When I had an office job, on the rare occasions that I was out sick, I would send a note to my staff saying I would be out of the office that day. I didn't need to come back and tell everyone the status of my GI virus or whatever. Yuck. And I have been known to take vacation time and not tell anyone at work where I was going. That's just me though. It doesn't mean I am living a fake life.

I really don't think there are many times when anyone I don't know well has talked to me and said "TMI"--and I'm good with that.

Again, if it is your preference to be open and share as much as you can about your life with others--I say go with your own comfort level. I won't judge you for it, and I ask that you please not judge me for my choices either. We are all going thru this together and there isn't a one-size-fits-all prescription. I love that we can learn about and respect each others' differences.

[NewKristen 356]

Love it. We need more awesome people in the world.

Thanks love!

[PaperBullets 53]

For me, I'm not ashamed of the wls journey I'm on. But at the same time, I didn't/don't want to shout it from the rooftops. Which is silly, since I've never been one of those that was super secretive.

I've only told my partner (of course), best friend and my immediate family but only because all of the women in my family have ended up having one sort of wls or another (I'll be the only sleever) and so would understand. A coworker knows but only because she's also looking into it.

I don't want to tell anyone else at work. And I honestly don't really understand why. At first, I was almost afraid that they'd deny me the time off even though I have buckets of sick leave but I don't really think that's the case. I'd told them I'll need to be out for a "procedure" but they got so worried I ended up alluding to my PCOS (they knew about my failed IVF tries). And now I feel like such a liar. I'm fine with explaining the weight loss as I'm a slow loser but it's killing me that it turns out my much older coworkers (they're all my mother/grandmother's ages) are super worried about my health and are imagining such awful things.

I wish I could go back in time and just not said anything at all. But since I can't, anyone have any ideas on minimizing their fears without going full-on "I'm going to be a sleever!" I just can't reconcile that being their business because I know they wouldn't understand.

[Simone21943 14]

I am a few weeks out from surgery and am struggling with this as well. I'm also one of those types that is pretty forth-coming about my personal life at work, but I just do not have the comfort level to talk about the surgery. Is it that I'm worried I'll fail and don't want people to know? Possibly. Is it that I'm embarrassed that I ever got to this weight in the first place to have to take this step? Maybe. Am I worried about dealing with negative energy if I find that someone is a "non-supporter". Most Definitely. I wouldn't try and defend myself to a non-supporters, but to be honest, I just don't want any negative energy around me. This is a big decision, and a scary one. I need all my own good energy I can muster to face the surgery and the changes ahead for me.

So you can see I'm pretty set it what I'm saying (or not saying) pre-surgery. However, in looking ahead to the weeks and months post-surgery, I truly do not know how I will handle it. Again, I don't want to deal with negative energy, but I also know myself...If somone asks me a direct question, I always end up answering honestly -- terrrible liar! So I guess I need to start planning an answer (whether I choose to tell or not tell). Maybe if I start practicing it in my head now, it will come out naturally once the weight starts to come off and people begin to notice. :0)

[Kristina J. 581]

I am a few weeks out from surgery and am struggling with this as well. I'm also one of those types that is pretty forth-coming about my personal life at work' date=' but I just do not have the comfort level to talk about the surgery. Is it that I'm worried I'll fail and don't want people to know? Possibly. Is it that I'm embarrassed that I ever got to this weight in the first place to have to take this step? Maybe. Am I worried about dealing with negative energy if I find that someone is a "non-supporter". Most Definitely. I wouldn't try and defend myself to a non-supporters, but to be honest, I just don't want any negative energy around me. This is a big decision, and a scary one. I need all my own good energy I can muster to face the surgery and the changes ahead for me.

So you can see I'm pretty set it what I'm saying (or not saying) pre-surgery. However, in looking ahead to the weeks and months post-surgery, I truly do not know how I will handle it. Again, I don't want to deal with negative energy, but I also know myself...If somone asks me a direct question, I always end up answering honestly -- terrrible liar! So I guess I need to start planning an answer (whether I choose to tell or not tell). Maybe if I start practicing it in my head now, it will come out naturally once the weight starts to come off and people begin to notice. :0)[/quote']

Simone, I could have written most of your post myself. I questioned why I didn't want to tell people about my weight loss surgery. I faced this all 10 years ago when I had my lap band placed. I am not a "private person" and I said I wasn't going to say anything because it "wasn't anyone's business" (which it isn't) but I knew in my heart my real reasoning had more to do with my fears of failure, my embarrassment of getting to the point of needing surgical intervention, and wanting to avoid conflict and judgement from those who believe this is an easy way out. I didn't say anything before hand but as my weight came off slowly, I gained confidence and began telling the truth. Lying or avoiding the question just felt weird. And I didn't want the other people around me struggling with their weight to think I had just "put my mind to it" and they just were failing where I succeeded, that didn't seem fair either.

This time around, most people I know are aware of my lap band so it is no big deal to tell people I am getting it "fixed" for lack of a better explanation to those who don't really get it. I have dealt with some judgement from some people, of course, but mostly all support. The support that I have gotten by being open with those around me has far out weighed the judgement I have received.

But I am not naive. I know it's not that easy for everyone. Some will tell everyone, some people truly are just private people and some people will make any excuse to hide it. My sister had lap band surgery and would be mortified if people knew, but she would also never want anyone to know she had her tonsils out last year lol. Everyone will deal differently. But if the thing holding you back from sharing is fear of failure or embarrassment, I think you'll be surprised by the support you'll find as you go along

[shortsleevedkay 28]

I kept mines a secret...glad I did with the remarks and looks I'm getting. Yes I am slimming down real fast, they want to know what program I'm on and some say I am losing too much weight. No matter if we lose or gain, someone will always have something negative to say..well all I say to myself is..ha ha ha, watch my smoke!!! Lol

[Kalimomof3 613]

So I planned to keep mine a secret because i knew my hubs family would be judgemental.I went against my better judgement and decided to tell my MIL and I didn't tell anyone else in his family but I can tell she told everyone I can see the judgement in their eyes when they see the new thinner me. I know she is talking about me behind my back and how I "took the easy way out" and she has complimented other members of our family on their weight loss achievements but never me. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks but it irks me...The "easy way out" would have been to do nothing and stay fat like my mother in law is...If I could go back in time I would erase having ever old her. My Mom and everyone else on my side is completely supportive which is great:)

[Kelsan 117]

I've only told two people out of necessity, my mom and husband. I don't want anyone else to know because it's personal and I'm a very private person. Some people are an open book and that's great, but it's just not me.

[MaddieJ 82]

I got a lap band and I told the people I worked with at that time then changed jobs and never told them because the band was a huge failure. Now I want the sleeve revision and I am still friends with the people that don't know that I have the lap band. I'm kinda wondering how I should handle it too (if I get approved for the revision). I'm thinking that I'll just tell people that I want to tell- I don't mind telling anyone as long as the surgery works!

[losingit2013 48]

Oh my gawd, we must have the same family!!?

We lost my sister to breast cancer in 2011, so my mom has become a low flying helicopter. I keep telling her, "mom, I'm not going to die!"

Now, my big sis is on the same wagon.

It's awesome to have a loving family, but in the end, they need to understand that most people don't jump into this surgery unless they really need it and they want to add years back to their life.

I told my mom that if I stay on my current course, I will not be able to keep up with my kids because of a hip replacement and if I get diabetes, it will kill me. The odds of surgery helping me reverse the damage to my body are just as great as the probability of me getting diabetes if I DON'T have surgery.

My mom also worries about me remembering to eat and/or drink.

The truth is, they do it out if love, but there are times when we all need them to support us the way WE need them to support us, not how they think they should.

[smjuroska 60]

I will tell anyone mostly. I am not ashamed at all. I have to lose weight rather it be surgery or not. I have tried the not and it ain't working! So this is my last resort. My health is number one right now. For some reason though I can't tell my boss at work. I just switched jobs and I am on a floor all by myself except patients that come for their exams so I am outta of the loop from the hospital and clinic that I x-ray for. Totally different from my old work. we were all close and knew EVERYTHING about everyone. They all know about this. It doesn't feel right to discuss it with my current boss though. I HATE lying though and I suck at it so bad! So I have fudged the truth. I have had several appts and they know something is going on. I just told them I may be having surgery on my gall bladder. Not untrue... that will most likely be coming out with my stomach. I have been having problems with it so it may have to go. I just didn't mention I will also be getting the sleeve while they are removing my gallbladder. I do agree with most that it is a very personal choice and if I don't feel comfortable telling someone I will not share it. But that being said I am sure some people I have told don't agree with my choice but their opinion of me is their business not mine!

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Please people, STOP with the "ashamed, embarrassed and lying" remarks. Just stop! Other than my imediate family, I don't tell people because.. Well, I don't want to. Fairly clear.. Even for the most simpleminded folks out there.

Fact is, I stopped riding my bike for a couple years and started riding again. People asked me why I decided to start riding again... And you know what, I didn't tell them I had a hemorrhoidectomy either.. Because well, I just didn't find it their business.

I had a breast reduction and people asked me how I lost so much weight .. ( I hadn't)

And yep, I didn't tell them about my reduction either. Or about my prolasped uterus surgery, or about my carpel tunnel surgery, or about my gazillion other things in my life that are retardedly boring.

Go figure people.. It's one's own business. Not all of us are self promotors and think everyone wants to know about us.