Some emotional turmoil after cosmetic/plastics consult

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

So, I should start by saying, I am so happy having lost all this excess weight. I feel good, I look good (in clothes anyway!) and the most important thing is I can do so many things. I am fit, I work out and I am healthy. I feel blessed.

Even so, it is hard somedays. I look down at my arms when working out and see the crinkly skin. My inner thighs are a horror - crepey. My tummy isn't as bad as many photos I have seen, but I have a nice "waist" the look being marred - even in clothes - by extra skin. My perky breasts are still fairly perky (shocking) but in some positions, I can't help but notice that they are becoming unfilled little sacks. The extra skin under my arms is probably filling my bra, keeping me from noticing it even worse.

Beyond all that, my face looks weird. Like, not ugly, but like "who the heck is that?"

So, I went for a plastics consult. Good news: I am fit, healthy, already have a waist, I am gonna have rocking results if I get a Tummy Tuck. My horrible thighs can be made alot better with the medial thigh lift (less extensive surgery) although they will not be a 25 year olds tight thighs even though I am very well toned under that skin. My arms can be made alot better by doing the more minor arm thing (ie not the whole underarm, but the scar is in the armpit. Again, I have good muscle definition on the top, it is the batwings that need to go. I am not seeking to have big breasts, but in the range of normal. Surgeon felt that if I went with a good size implant (say I wind up a D) then it will take up alot of excess skin under my arms and I will feel better about it.

Most importantly, a very simply procedure can put some fill in my cheeks and make me look like myself again. i didn't understand why i look so freaking weird and the surgeon brought it up - even though I didn't go in there for my face. I don't need a lift, just a little cheek fat...lol

So, in summary, I am a good candidate for all this. I saw before and after pics and felt very encouraged - and surgeon said I have realistic expectations.

Bad news: I am terrified of 8 hours of surgery. It can be broken into multiple surgeries, that scares me just as much.

So, here is the headtrip part. I weight 168 pounds. I am 5'5" tall which puts me in a 27-28 BMI range. I will lose about 4-5# of skin as a result of the TT. He said I don't have more weight to lose because of several signs (ie my ribs are already visible, what looks to me like extra fat is mostly skin and some fat cells and cellulite). He wasn't trying to tell me to stop losing weight directly, but more hinting that the thinner I get the less happy i am going to be with my looks. He basically told me to stop right here becuase I look proportioned, healthy and once I get my boobs back - hot...lol.

Somehow, I have massive weight inside me. That is sorta freaking me out. I wear a size 10 and think I should be an 8 given that I do have a pretty large body frame. He thought plastics would get me into that 8.

I have never been a "by the scale" sleever. I have an open mind, but I somehow am struggling with my body image. To me, i look fat still - not obese, but i look like i am carrying 20 extra in my mind. She measured me, I have been wearing 38 bra and really, I am a 36. I recently found out I am still buying too big of shoes.

I have friends and family telling me I shouldn't lose more - but in my mind I weigh what a guy should weigh and I want to weigh what a woman should weigh!

My PCP is a tiny little older woman. she told me that everyone will say I look skinny because they are used to seeing fat people and not be swayed. To get under 25 BMI is still the right target. She is probably more like a 18-19 BMI - she is stick thin and frankly not very attractive although I am guessing quite healthy.

Somehow, my brain is unclear on how to handle all this and I am not sure what I believe. I don't trust my own eyes.

So, I am not as messed up as this makes it sound, but my consult yesterday was both a pleasant surprise (that I am a candidate for really good results) but somehow the negative head trip is what I woke up with this morning.

I am guessing a few veterans can relate to this.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Interesting. I want to reward myself with a plastics consult. But I think I'm going to put off any surgery for at least 1 more year. I don't want to wait but I know I should. I still have 20 or so pounds to lose, but frankly if I didn't have this belly roll I could stop right now and be happy.

[kyllfalcon 768]

And if you didn't have that belly roll you might be much closer to goal!

Go on for the consult, whadya got to lose?

[frumpynomore 204]

I agree with kyllfalcon! 20 lbs from goal weight is certainly close enough to get a TT!

Go for a consult at least....if the surgeon says you need to lose more than it will be motivating to you and maybe you'll lose it quicker than a year. A year is an awful long time to wait for something you so badly want!

CowgirlJane...yes, I believe we all have some form of body image distortion or allusion and that's how a lot of us got where we are today. You need to do what YOU feel like you need to do. Do not go by your BMI or what your family and friends are telling you. Take a good honest look in the mirror, naked and clothed, and ask yourself if you are thin enough or not. Try to be as objective and honest with yourself as you can. You already know the answer....you just have to TRUST it! Good luck on your journey!

[Katie713 423]

Is it too personal for me to ask the general range of costs if you decide to get what you described done? I will probably look into plastics once I have made enough progress to satisfy me, but if I can get work combined with a panni - then I can probably pick up the rest of the cost for a breast reduction/lift apart from what my insurance will cover. Not sure if this is the route I will go....I will probably wait a full year and then decide what is my best approach, and also to see whether I can tolerate things as they are as I move forward. For now, clothes fit ok but I would love to be tighter especially where my "jelly roll" now resides

[Catracks 865]

If I got all this extra skin removed, I would be at goal - although I can only get the panniculectomy through my insurance. I just cannot afford anything else.

If I made my goal, I'm wondering if I would be too thin. I've already noticed that the last 20 pounds left me with much more skin - especially on the thighs. This is TMI, but when I sit on the pot I really notice it all hanging over. I'm in great shape and would wear a size 4 or smaller without that apron. I've also been stalled for a couple months. I'm just wondering if this is where I should be.

[Renea77 84]

I've also been stalled for a couple months. I'm just wondering if this is where I should be.

Me too Catracks. I am only 5 pounds from my 145 goal weight and can't seem to get there. I exercise 5-6 times a week too. I a, beginning to wonder if this is where I am supposed to be too. I will keep trying to lose the last 5, was really hoping to be at goal before my one year follow up visit which is a few weeks away:(

[clk 3,519]

I've said it before but you guys will really be astounded at how much rebound and redistribution there is in your skin/remaining fat pockets in the time from one year to two years post op. I am not kidding. Yes, I'm younger (32 now) but even allowing for that, my skin wasn't exactly resilient before surgery as proven by my stretch marks and the lovely apron my twins left me.

But I still had a consult roughly one year post op and it was very interesting. If I went back now I know I'd need less work than I felt sure I needed at one year post op.

As for mentally adjusting it is a challenge. And while, for the most part, I can see myself more realistically now, it's still a shock to see a photograph of myself and realize how small I am.

Heck, I'm nearly 32 weeks pregnant and feel like a bloated, puffed up cow right now. But it really hit me last night, looking in the mirror while changing for bed, that the only places I've puffed up are my upper arms, face and calves...and it's not much. The rest of me is just baby belly and the same loose skin I had prior to pregnancy. And here I've been feeling kinda down about being so heavy lately.

Face it - we do not see ourselves the way other people see us. I spent years as a big girl wearing a size too small and looking ridiculous for it until I realized how much more comfortable and attractive I'd look wearing the proper clothes. And it took me nearly a year to accept that I really do wear the size I wear and to stop panicking every time I put in a clothing order. Sometimes I still buy shoes in my old size and have to return them.

But I spent most of my life obese and can't expect my brain and eyes to catch up in just a year or so.

It does get easier and better.

I have no doubt that baring your naked body to a doctor to be poked and prodded and measured, would enhance any feelings of doubt or insecurity you had about your body. I know how ridiculously uncomfortable I was during my consult and yes, I went home and did an inventory of everything afterward, too.

You might get down to that eight and you might not. I think all of us will see or read someone's goal weight or goal size and think about how we'd love to be there but we're hindered by bodies that simply will not cooperate. I'll never be a two. I'm very short and my doctor harps on how I should really weigh in the one-teens and I think he needs to stop doing drugs. Because it's not ever, ever going to happen. If I set my goal weight there I'd be destined to be unhappy because it's unattainable.

Losing one size after plastics is probably not unattainable. But it's also important for all of us to take the time to think about what we're saying. Because after years of never being smaller than a 14 (and let's not lie...I had no business squeezing into those 14s) and after spending many years in 18s and 20s, I cannot possibly be complaining about not being small enough, right?

Perspective. You've come a long way. Get the plastics if they'll help you feel great about your much smaller and more fit body. But do not compare yourself to a woman that's 5 feet tall and with a tiny frame and feel like THAT is the feminine ideal. We're all shaped differently. Women that are very tall set their goal weights where some of us had a starting weight - that doesn't make them any less feminine or beautiful or damn sexy once they get to goal.

~Cheri

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Cheri thst is a great post. Truth of the matter is I think only the formerly obese would let experts influence their weight goals so much.

At this point I am planning plastics for Nov which would be 23 months post op. However, both sleeve snd plastics surgeon told me no need to wait as any changes wont impact reults. Another year and the Tummy and thighs will still have extra skin. I am 48 and I have been morbidly obese most of my life ranging 240-330 for the past 20 years (except for a short drop to 200 when I had tthe lapband). Lots of yoyo too..time wont fix that.

On the very plus side my surgeon and the cosmetic surgeon both declare me a success and at a very good weight.

Several of my girlfriends have taken to calling me hottie in an effort to get me see things differently. Even a few of the guys I know that are part of the barn social circle go out of their way to say sonething.

Honestly I feel so blessed with my successes, with my amazing friends and with the support of my surgeon too.

The consult itself just triggered emotions and yet I will subject myself to a couple of them before picking a surgeon....

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Being in front of a plastic surgeon, completely naked, and having them tell you everything that could be fixed can leave you feeling very vulnerable. I know too, I was there!! I was also told I was the perfect candidate for plastics and would have excellent results, which made me very happy. But I still struggle with self image and a distorted perception of my body. Most days a I feel huge, even though I only wear a size 4 or 6. So I know where you are coming from. I am not even 5'3" and weigh 137-138 pounds, on the higher end of normal for my height. Some days I feel like I should be smaller and that I should work hard to lose a few more pounds, even though I am below my original goal weight of 140lbs. But at the same time, I can see my ribs, I wouldn't want my face to be a thinner than it is, I can see the ribs in my chest above my breasts and my shoulders are boney, almost to the point that it bothers me.

It is this sad distortion of reality that every woman should be under 130lbs. We rely so heavily sometimes on the scale rather than by the shape of our bodies. I am coming to realize that we all carry our weight differently. I checked out this site at one point where there are pictures of all different women with their height, weight, and clothing size (http://www.mybodygallery.com/). It was a real eye opener as I searched just my height and size and the weight range was anywhere from 115lbs to 145lbs! All the same size clothing but a 30 lb difference in weight!

I do understand where you are coming from. I have spent my whole life being overweight (I started gaining in Kindergarten, was on Slimfast in Grade 5). Our brains do not see our shapes the same way everyone else does. Logically I know I do not need to lose anymore weight, psychologically, I think I should weight 125lbs even knowing I would not look good at that weight. Obviously your surgeon can see what a great shape you have, regardless of the numbers on the scale. Also, BMI does not take into account muscle or bone mass. It is simply a height to weight ratio. And trust me, most men weight a LOT more than 165lbs. My husband is a small man, only 5'7" and he weighs in the 160-165lbs range. Most men weight 180+ pounds, so you are definitely not what a man weighs!

If you are healthy where you are and feel good where you are, try not to let the scale define your self worth (I know, it is the pot calling kettle...but I am honestly working on it!)

And PS. Cheri, your doctor is crazy! Maybe he should do a little research on weight ranges and healthy body weights, yeesh! I am glad that you are smart enough than to let him define what you should be, good for you!

[Catracks 865]

"I'll never be a two. I'm very short and my doctor harps on how I should really weigh in the one-teens and I think he needs to stop doing drugs."

LMAO. This is my surgeon. I think I would look sick at that weight. I'm not 18 and too skinny just doesn't look good on a mature woman.

I have taken into account what you have said Cheri, about how things get better. I think no matter how much better is gets, the panni will have to go as it hangs over the c-section scar. Heck, the nerve endings are still sort of muted there. I might get lucky and feel a little less pain.

Thing is, I have found that i have no hips and my waist is small so my pants tend to slip down because they are really too big for my waist and hips, but the panni forces me into that size.

Renea - I will be happy to come in on Monday and say that I've lost 100. Of course, that is with the pre-op diet that he never counts, but I DO!

Sweets - I never really though about how I will have to stand naked in front of that surgeon! Isn't that weird? I'm not even comfortable looking at myself unclothed in a mirror! Oh boy!

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

Never thought about the standing naked part... Ugh that part alone terrifies me

[Holly5.3 423]

My sister-in-law just had a Tummy Tuck, breast-lift and liposuction on her upper arms due to a drastic and dramatic weight loss this past year. (I told her to wait a year, that the skin has to catch up with the rest of the body, but oh, no...she went 2 weeks ago.) She is in a lot of pain still, but is amazed at how small her torso is! (She is about 4'11" and was wearing a size 22 and is now wearing a size 6 after the tummy tuck; an 8 before surgery.) I too want to look better than I do now, sans clothing...but lets face it, surgery is not fun, its quite scary in fact. I'm hoping that I can get approved for a tummy tuck (due to c-secion surgeries and big babies), but if I'm not covered, I don't know that I'll still want to put my body through the surgery again. It's bad enough that I have to have another hernia repaired this summer! Whatever makes you feel better about the inside of you....if this helps, go for it girlfriend!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I'm going to wear my Stars and Stripes thong when I go cause when else am I going to wear it?

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

I'm going to wear my Stars and Stripes thong when I go cause when else am I going to wear it?

Hehehe