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Distant Husband



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Ok so I've been sleeved a few weeks now and I feel i have been doing great! My husband on the other hand.......hmmmmm!

Ever since being sleeved we have been at each others throat! Anybody else going through this?

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i'm not where you are yet but i can see myself being there. i just found out i'm approved and my husband has flipped a switch and is now acting like he doesn't want me to have the surgery. ugh!! i know he is not going to be as supportive as i thought he would be. but i am doing this for me and not for him. hope things get better for you. :unsure:

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i'm not where you are yet but i can see myself being there. i just found out i'm approved and my husband has flipped a switch and is now acting like he doesn't want me to have the surgery. ugh!! i know he is not going to be as supportive as i thought he would be. but i am doing this for me and not for him. hope things get better for you. :unsure:

Hope things get better for you also, the difference is my husband is supportive of this!

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What do u think has changed?

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What do u think has changed?

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????????????? I really don't know...him

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Like.. You're saying you don't know him.... Or it's him that's changed?

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Maybe hidden insecurity that is expressed by lashing out?

My husband and I have had tough times but he's remained supportive. But, in the hospital, he asked me something late that first night. It was hard for him to say. He just quietly asked "when you lose the weight, will you leave me?"

Of course not! But this was a real issue on his heart. Maybe an issue similar to this is going on?

Maybe he needs some reassurance you aren't going anywhere.

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I guess it's him that changed. I just wasn't sure if anyone else's husband acted weird after they got sleeved! He's very supportive of me getting it but now he's so moody he flies off the handle at everything!

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Maybe hidden insecurity that is expressed by lashing out?

My husband and I have had tough times but he's remained supportive. But' date=' in the hospital, he asked me something late that first night. It was hard for him to say. He just quietly asked "when you lose the weight, will you leave me?"

Of course not! But this was a real issue on his heart. Maybe an issue similar to this is going on?

Maybe he needs some reassurance you aren't going anywhere.[/quote']

He did say presleeve.....when you get skinny and get a boyfriend.......I thought he was just joking, we have always had a very strong relationship that this is so out of the ordinary!

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Mine says it every time. He is constantly smothering me, saying he sees the way men look at me and he's afraid I'm going to leave him. It's definetly him being insecure but I told him if he can love me at my worst, then he deserves me at my best. He tends to get a little snippy when we aren't intimate for a day or two, I think it's him being insecure. Maybe just talk to him and ask him why he's acting like that? He probably is scared you are going to leave him. Best wishes.

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I think also we become very self-focused for long periods of time. We change the dynamics of the relationship. That's tough for spouses and kids: "no I can't eat that. No lets not go to dinner it's such a waste. No, I'm recovering. Look how good I'm doing." It's change. Our change is dramatic change for all the people who love us.

life is a journey, not a destination; so, stop running -H.D. THEROUX

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Jessielynn- yes, I have experienced the same circstances. I am now almost 3 mos post-op. My husband & i have been together for 13 years now. Right after surgery I was a bit of a b@$#h because he would eat whatever he would want in front of me & I was still adjusting to my sleeve & felt he wasn't being supportive. He would say things like...when you get skinny, you'll leave me & get a boyfriend. We finally had to have a sit down, heart to heart talk. I explained that I didn't have the surgery so I could get skinny & leave him but that I had the surgery so I could live a happier, healthier life to give us more time together. Well, since our talk, he has become more supportive & now that I've lost 41 pounds, he is always complementing me on how great I look & how skinny I'm getting. He's even been on board with the healthier eating.... My suggestion, have a heart to heart talk with him. Ask him to express his concerns & be open with your feelings also. Best of luck to you & I hope everything works itself out :)

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He did say presleeve.....when you get skinny and get a boyfriend.......I thought he was just joking, we have always had a very strong relationship that this is so out of the ordinary!

He's worried that you will leave him. You two really need to talk about it and the lashing out and flying off the handle at little things will resolve.

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Sounds like the men in our lives are insecure. I go in for surgery on Monday and every day he gets grumpier and grumpier.... We have talked about it though, but his reactions to things have not changed yet

You really need to talk to him....it'll get better!

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Ok so I've been sleeved a few weeks now and I feel i have been doing great! My husband on the other hand.......hmmmmm!

Ever since being sleeved we have been at each others throat! Anybody else going through this?

Yes mam I'm getting divorced! Things weren't good before surgery but now it's worst!

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

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        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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