I Really Need Help Making A Decision!

[Jen35 283]

I decided I just need to put my story out there and see what advice anyone can offer. I am pre-op and I'm going back and forth trying to decide if surgery is the right decision for me. My brother had the sleeve done 2 years ago and he loves it, no complications, etc. I'm really worried that I will have complications (or worse - die from surgery) and I have 2 small children to think about.

My story: I am 35 years old and I weigh between 235 and 237 depending on the day. I have steadily gained weight since I was 18 and never have lost more than 10 pounds with any diet. Part of that is mental, I think. Of course I know what to do to lose, but after much soul searching, I think I'm scared to lose weight after being overweight for so long. I think the weight is a protection, if that makes sense. Not to get too far into it, but I am a victim of abuse (as a child and teenager) and part of me likes the "invisibility" of being big. I don't have to worry about unwanted attention. There is a downside to that - the negative attention, name-calling, and discrimination of being overweight.

Soooo, back to WLS. I want the sleeve for the reasons everyone else does: I want to lose weight and be healthy, especially for my kids sake. I know it is a tool, and I will have do the work involved. I am researching therapists because with or without surgery, I need to deal with the reasons I eat. The surgery will keep me from overeating, while I work on the emotional/mental side of why I do it. But part of me wonders if I could do this without surgery. Go to therapy, nutritionist and go on a healthy diet without the added risk of surgery.

The other side of the coin is that I don't know if I qualify for the surgery yet. I went for my 1st appointment and my BMI is 39,7 (they measured me 1/2 inch taller than I thought I was). The only health issues I have are rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyasia and GERD, and I don't know that they count as comorbidities for insurance. So, I'm in limbo. I can gain a couple pounds to ensure that I qualify for the surgery (counter productive) or I can see if they approve me as is, or I can ditch the surgery. I don't know what to do!!!

[alovio 76]

dont give up on surgery, its hand down best thing i have ever done. Wish i would have done it sooner, I feel younger now than when i was 30. Just think if you could do it on your own would you have done it already. I lost 75 pounds pre-op i thought same but still went ahead. Now food really isnt a issue like it use to be. Good luck with your decision.

[Getting There 198]

Jen, Having the surgery is a BIG commitment - it will impact the rest of your life. You are wise to think it through and make sure it's something you want to do. I had my surgery on 9/10/12 and have lost 37 pounds so far. Personally, I'm glad that I did it. BUT - I don't have children (younger or older) that I had to worry about and I know that is a factor to consider, both on the pro and con side of the decision.

If you don't have to rush into it, seeing a therapist for awhile first may not be a bad idea. Perhaps you can check with bariatric surgeon's in your area for referrals to therapists who are familiar with working with people with weight issues. I went to a therapist many years ago when I first started to gain weight. She was really pretty clueless about weight issues and I don't feel it was a very positive experience.

If you do decide to go with the surgery, realize that it's not always easy. You have to be absolutely and totally ready to change the way you eat and the way you think about food and the way you use food. It's been a challenge sometimes, but when I think of the benefits, I'll take losing weight and being more normal in appearance & health to overeating like I used to anyday.

Best of luck on your journey and know that if you have the surgery, this is a GREAT place to find support and encouragement

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Well, we are pretty much all big sleeve advocates, but I think you are wise to be thinking all these things. Truth of the matter is that if your head isn't in the game so to speak, you will likely lose but my have problems keeping it off. It is pretty big heartbreak to lose a lot of weight and then regain it.

I think you should try what you mention first. This is just my opinion, but I think surgery should be a last ditch effort. It isn't about sticking to a "diet" it is about can you physically combat the hunger and urge to overeat forever without WLS. Even if you only lost 2 pounds in a month doing it on your own - look at where you would be a year from now... 2 years from now.

My personal experience is that I tried EVERYTHING including meeting with a nutritionalist, seeing a counselor, various commercial diets, weight watchers, nutrisystems, many crazy fad diets etc etc. What made me realize that I just could not keep going on is that I used to lose weight and regain, but then I got to the point where I wasn't even really losing... just gaining. The sleeve for me was a last resort - I had already "failed" with the lapband so you can be sure I thought long and hard.

If you put this off for a period of time and try the other things, you really haven't lost much time and what you have gained is either 1. good weight control or 2. the resolve and committment to make the surgery work since you can't do it without.

[Robyn Owens-Miille 132]

I am a HUGE advocate for the surgery. However, I think you need to deal with your other issues first.

You mentioned that the sleeve will keep you from overeating... it won't though. You may have to limit your quantities at one sitting but emotional eating/ grazing will overcome the sleeve every single time. Once you have worked on your issues then re-address the sleeve.

I love, love, love my sleeve. It's the first time in my life that I've been successful with a diet long-term. I have issues though with emotional eating and find myself fighting that due to work stress & financial stress at home. As a result, I've had a month where I only lost 6 pounds. Certainly not something I want to admit to at just barely 5 months post-op with approximately a 100 pounds left to lose. I have to face my issues or I won't be successful either.

Good luck whatever your decision.

[Robyn Owens-Miille 132]

Oh, and those comorbidities should absolutely qualify you for surgery!

[Jen35 283]

Thank you for your encouragement:) I have done A LOT of research about VSG up to this point and it is definitely a lifestyle change and committment. That is one of the things that I love about it - I feel I could actually be successful at weight loss using the sleeve as a tool. I don't know that I can do it on my own. But I'm really scared of the risks, even though they are not common.

I'm also worried about getting my hopes up that I can get the sleeve and then being denied. Then what? I'll have to do it on my own anyway:(

I really love this site. You all are so brave to take this step to make your lives better and to share your experiences with everyone. It really helps to know that I have support and encouragement when I need it.

[MDM0927 29]

If I were you, I would wait on the surgery. Maybe you can lose the weight on your own. Will the surgery improve any of your medical conditions?

I am 33 and well over 300 pounds, I had my surgery 6 weeks ago and have lost 23 pounds. I understand your concern with having kids, I am a single mother of an 11 year old. I was terrified that I would die and leave her alone. I have a rare medical condition which is the main reason I had the surgery, in hopes it would improve. People say surgery is the easy way out but really it's not. Every day is a struggle and I hate to eat since it always hurts. My opinion is surgery it the very last resort. I wish you luck with your decision.

Oh, I also have Gerd and was told the sleeve isn't recommend since it can get worse, mine has been the same and I still take two Prilosec a day.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[Jen35 283]

My regular doctor said that any weight loss will reduce the stress on my joints (hips and knees are an issue) from the RA. The surgeon did mention that the GERD could get worse. It is pretty well controlled with medicaiton now, so I'm not as worried about that.

I also didn't really mention that I have tried many diets and failed them all: weight watchers, Atkins, slim fast, pills, etc. I know a lot of my hunger is mental, but I was always physically hungry on the diets. My brother mentioned that he feels way less hungry than he did before. I like that the sleeve reduces the ghrelin that the body produces.

I was working out 3x per week with a personal trainer before I was diagnosed with RA. The RA and fibro make it difficult for me to work out like I used to adding to my steady weight gain. I still work out, but I can't really kill it the gym like I want to.

[Bobbi 2]

I can say with all honesty, that doing the surgery has made huge difference on my knees. Believe it or not, just 20 pounds makes a huge difference in the pressure on your knees and joints. I have never really posted on here, but I've had little to no complications whatsoever, my biggest fear is that they didn't take enough of my stomach out. I went to New Orleans for the for Halloween this past weekend... walked allover, had Beans indulged in some rice and had a few drinks and I'm perfectly fine.

I should be the poster child for the surgery, I've had no problems from the beginning to the surgery to post op 5 weeks! I planning keeping a positive mind set and not let my fears take hold. I have taken two serious falls and my body and surgery have held. Hope this helps.

[DianaE 128]

That is what helped me finally make the decision to do the surgery - I could diet and lose weight but the hunger NEVER went away! Having a 4-6 oz stomach for awhile will help me lose the weight without constantly being reminded I am hungry. I am seeing a counselor too. I hope that by the time my stomach gets a little bigger I will have the emotional issues under control. I am 55 and in my mind, this is my last big chance to get this under control. So currently, no real physical hunger, still some emotional cravings, but i am already moving around better after approx 30lbs and I should be able to start dumping some of these meds I have been on.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU

[Jen35 283]

Thanks all:) @DianaE - My brother and I joke that our family has a disorder where we produce too much ghrelin. I swear, we can EAT and never feel full. My oldest brother had bipass, other brother had the sleeve. I and my sister are both obese. I feel that there is definitely a genetic component.

My mother was obese and died from breast cancer when she was 39 - no history of cancer and the only risk factor was weight. Diabetes also runs in my family. That really scares me about not getting the surgery. All the health problems that I could get in the near future if I don't get my weight under control.

[Robyn Owens-Miille 132]

Look for a surgeon that will do a hiatal hernia repair (if you have GERD, you probably have one) at the same time you have your sleeve. They will verify the presence of a hernia by doing an EGD prior to surgery (for me it was the day before but he generally likes to do it a week or so prior). I had an EGD previously and knew I had a hiatal hernia so that's why we didn't do it early. it was just a formality.

I had the hernia repair done by one surgeon, then my VSG surgeon took over and finished. I paid $7200 cash for my sleeve and the rest was billed to insurance (which is legal because 2 different surgeons did the surgeries.) Have not had any reflux issues since which I love almost as much as the weight loss.

[Jen35 283]

Look for a surgeon that will do a hiatal hernia repair (if you have GERD, you probably have one) at the same time you have your sleeve. They will verify the presence of a hernia by doing an EGD prior to surgery (for me it was the day before but he generally likes to do it a week or so prior). I had an EGD previously and knew I had a hiatal hernia so that's why we didn't do it early. it was just a formality.

I had the hernia repair done by one surgeon, then my VSG surgeon took over and finished. I paid $7200 cash for my sleeve and the rest was billed to insurance (which is legal because 2 different surgeons did the surgeries.) Have not had any reflux issues since which I love almost as much as the weight loss.

Thanks for the info. I will look into it.

[crazee 1]

HI Jen!

I can really relate to how you are felling & the thoughts going through your mind. Surgery is a big decision. All of my siblings are very overweight & all family gatherings center around food. I was considering weight loss surgery several years ago but kept trying to lose the weight myself. I have 3 children, the youngest being 14. I was diagnsed with type 2 diabetes about 12 years ago & my highest non-pregnancy weight was 249. I am 53 yrs old & my joints & diabetes were getting worse. After a lot of research & soul searching I mentioned weight loss surgery to my primary care doctor. I was told that if I did not do something soon about the weight soon that I would more than likely end up in a wheelchair or dead within 10 years. I kept grappling with the idea because I thought if I could lose the weight on my own, why risk surgery?. I finally realized that I needed the tool that surgery would offer me & after learning that my diabetes would likely go into remission if I had the surgery, I made the big decision.My insurance required a 4 month monitored weight loss effort during which time I lost a grand total of 5 lbs overall. I saw a physchologist & may go back down the road when I get back to eating regular food. I know I am an emotional eater & grazer & those things have to change to be successful. I had surgery on 10/23/12. I got the sleeve & also had a hiatal hernis & a regular hernia repair all performed by the same surgeon. All the testing you have to do pre-op really cuts down the risks because your insides are thouroughly checked out before you are approved. I was going for the bypass but had so much scar tissue & adhesions from previous surgeries that the sleeve was best for me.

Anyway, I have went from 249 a few months ago to 218 so far. It is not easy but I already feel so much better.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck!! This site is incredible!!!