Friends- Can We Really Keep Them?

[Dooter 1,457]

I have to honestly say...My husband is my best friend, and he has always been thin and active. Now that I'm getting in better shape, we are having FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN!!!!!! In EVERY sense of the word.

Life is good.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

This has been such an interesting thread. I have been talking with a friend who has no weight issues and find it interesting that she is struggling with many of these same things - friends she can relate to!

A couple of years ago I found "meetup" and joined a horse related one. It didn't really do much and the owner of the group had a certain direction that some of us didn't really want to go, so we splintered and made our own group. It now has over 400 members, we do tons of events - both rides and educational events etc. I have met so many people through this group - it is astounding. So many of the people I have talked to have said that the meetup just broadened their horizons and changed their social world drastically. One lady that used to just game her horse now does a bunch of other activities and sports with her horses due to the people she met. Some of my good friends came to me via this group and that is a common thread with the members.

That is just an example, but I would seriously consider joining a meetup group that is centered around an interest - hiking, biking, gardening, movies whatever it is that rocks your boat. No guarantee you will meet a new circle of friends, but it has really worked for me. There are lots of meetup groups focused on fitness or activities that would be very supportive of this new lifestyle we are all seeking. Just avoid the zillion of those groups focused on eating and cooking...lol.

[Ryokokitty 26]

Let me preface this by saying that I have 1 true friend that has been there for me right or wrong & through thick an thin. The people I am talking about here are our more casual "friends".

I am finding that since my lifestyle has changed so dramatically that the people I use to hang out with aren't so appealing anymore. I am not interested in being one of the first people to review the new resturant. And when I talk about wanting to go rock climbing they look at me like I have 2 heads.

Finding new friends that have similar interests is my newest venture. I'm not trying to get rid of my old friends, but, let's be honest. I really don't have much in common with them any more.

I want so much more out of life now. I simply cand afford to to spend a lot of time with people whose high point for the week is a pizza and a 12pack. I'm not canceling them as friends, but I really do want/need more.

Has anybody else found this to be true?

I haven't had that problem. I always seemed to be the one keeping myself from being a part of their activities. They hike and go to parks; I never wanted to be out in public where I would possibly sweat and huff and puff. They've all been great and positive about my surgery and have been amazed at my weight loss (before and after surgery). I hope to get to hike with them soon but we live so far from them, we have to really plan ahead.

I've always hated being around other people, and social situations in general. It is physically and emotionally draining for me. I had hoped that losing weight would make me feel more comfortable around others. My husband says I am but I still feel anxiety. The thought of finding looking for friends scares me.

I wish you success in finding people to have fun with!

[Fiddleman 4,376]

It sounds like it is a really good idea for us to stop blocking ourselves from meeting friends and to put ourselves out there with a meetup or two. Thanks for the suggestion. Now I just need the courage to do it. I need a magic drink that would make make me an outgoing person in social situations. And I am not talking about alcohol.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

It sounds like it is a really good idea for us to stop blocking ourselves from meeting friends and to put ourselves out there with a meetup or two. Thanks for the suggestion. Now I just need the courage to do it. I need a magic drink that would make make me an outgoing person in social situations. And I am not talking about alcohol.

I've been on many different forums for different interests, and many of them have Meet and Greets. Everybody agrees to a weekend and a place and they just get together. On one of my motorcycle forums, people came from all over the country 2 or 3 times a year. Of course, they got together to ride. I don't know what we'd get together for....maybe we could all run a 5K together.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I am not super comfortable in a setting where we stand around and make small talk with people I don't know. However, if an ACTIVITY is planned like a horseback ride (in my case) or a hike or a snowshoe trip or something - that awkwardness just goes away!

Some people will not go to those things without a "buddy" but trust me when I say you meet more people if you are "solo". And look at it this way, if you go and wind up feeling foolish or uncomfortable, you don't ever have to see those people again! What a safe way to take this risk!

Another thing I have recently done is join a drill team. Talk about self conscious, the first ride with them was an "audition" and it was very fast paced and challenging. It was so challenging that I didn't have time to think about being self conscious...lol... and they told me that I would fit right in and that we did great! This was a little dream that I had in the back of my mind but never pursued when I was heavier so I am glad I didn't let my fear of being self conscious slow down. Most of the people have been members and doing this together for YEARS so it is a little hard to break in to the "chats" during the breaks. I don't let that bother me, I ride the practice with them and during the breaks I am sometimes on my own, just walking my horse around letting him rest. I am confident that over time I will learn their names and "break into the club" as they are friendly people, but naturally want to connect with their friends. They are just friends that don't realize I am one of them yet!

Consider joining that club, church choir or whatever it is that you might like. I know it is hard to put yourself out there, but what is the worst thing that can happen? Life is too short to spend it longing for something that is so easily within reach - follow your aspirations!

[mwrarr 244]

My town has a female competitive roller derby team, & I've been itching to do open try-outs (each November), but I've been too self-conscious to do it. Next November, I'm so going for it. :}

347*294/285/135 (*347HW/294SSW)

[sleeve 4 me 910]

TRUE Friends will continue to be friends through it all...I guess that's why I really only have a few people I call true friends