"you Have To Reexamine Your Relationship With Food"

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Over the years, there have been many things Doctors have told me that went in one ear and out the other. The above statement is one of them. I really didn't see a problem. Afterall, I wasn't a person who hid in the closet everynight with a bucket of ice cream and 2 bags of chips. Honestly, I really didn't even know what that statement meant.

When I first met my sleeve surgeon, he told me this...and again, it fell on deaf ears. I pretended to hear it, but I knew in my mind that I would do nothing about it. Then I met the nutritionist. The first thing she did was ask me about my most successful weight loss period in the past. I told her I had lost 110 lbs back in 2005-2006. She wanted to know if I had kept any food logs from that time. Luckily (or unluckily) they were all living eternally online on fitday.com. Well, we looked at them together. Over the course of a year I had lost 110 pounds eating about 2200 calories a day. But she pointed out something to me...something that has meant more and more to me the farther out from surgery I get, and the more I learn. I was averaging about 300 grams of carbs a day, and they were not the good carbs. They were not brocolli, asparagus, apples, zuchinni...and so on. They were wheat bread, Protein Bars, Pasta, potatos, more bread....in other words, all processed food and starches.

One thing I remember most about that time period, I was always starving. I thought about food every second of every day. If I didn't eat something every couple of hours I just about fell out. I got shaky, confused and irritable. Wow was I irritable. How I ever convinced my fiance to marry me during that period I will never know. She deserves some sort of a sainthood or something. It's no wonder I couldn't maintain that lifestyle. I eventually gained it all back of course. I also quit logging my food on fitday about the same time the weight started to creep back up. Funny how that happens. At least I wasn't irritable any more.

Somewhere in there with the nurtritionist, things started to click. I finally started to understand what they were talking about. For me, food did not have to be about entertainment. It did not have to be about comfort. I did not need a treat. I did not need to indulge myself "every once in a while". The occasional treat was not going to keep me sane. I needed a new definition of what sane really was. I needed a new definition of what "eating normally" was. Is it "sane" or "normal" to eat something that I know is going to kill me, even in moderation? Just because I see some skinny person eating Whataburger every day, does that mean I deserve to eat it? That I should be able to eat it and still be skinny?

The answer is...no. Food is just fuel. It is not my comfort blanket. It is not my friend, my partner, my crutch or my reward. It has been a one way relationship all my life. I loved food, it never loved me back. Who needs that?

Now I know, I need more than just a weight loss surgery. The sleeve will give me Portion Control, but that is just another obstacle that I can easily get around. Ice cream, sodas and chips are like kryptonite to my sleeve. They will walk right through it. I'm learning that I need to fuel my body with the best fuel I can get. Afterall, I didn't have surgery just to see the scale go down. I did it to feel better, be healthy....and to live. I want to live a long life. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, it will be while jogging 2 miles. I will not die a slow, agonizing death in a hospice bed because I'm too fat to breath or walk, and can't wipe my own butt.

Is it easy? Obviously no. I still have work to do. Maybe I always will. Maybe it will always take effort to live like this. I don't mind. I spent many years not putting any effort at all into my health, and it was way harder than this.

Thanks for listening.

[SML1997 308]

Very eloquently put Butterthebean. I would definitely agree with you. If we don't change our mindset, and therefore our relationship with food, then it is highly probable that one will sabotage their weight loss efforts. Thanks for sharing.

[Justine13 264]

This was helpful for me to read- sounds familiar and it puts things in perspective for me. Thank you

[Cookeeeeez 269]

I'm so happy to read this. Some ppl (even on here) don't seem to "get" my relationship with food. It's never been a comfort for me though, I DESPISE it! I hate buying, preparing, cooking, and eating it. But I'm re-learning to love that it nourishes me, that I can enjoy the taste sometimes! I usually just fast all day then binge eat while distracting myself with tv or something. Now I remember to plan my day to include food, to actively choose some "naughty" foods to eat and try to enjoy every bite or sip of them without getting disgusted at myself.

I try to help ppl on here figure out that carbs aren't bad in themselves, it's what type they are, what they do to your body, how they taste or make you feel.

I hope we all find happier relationships with food someday! Thanks butterthebean for sharing!!!

[Lissa 2,631]

Cookeeeeez, You're right. Carbs aren't bad in and of themselves. I don't even track carbs, fat, calories, etc. I track Protein and Water only. For me, that works very well. Others may have a different experience, but I'm finding great success with it...and I've learned that the body requires some carbs for energy daily and my body requires carbs to keep my exercise levels up. Without them I find myself really dragging through my workouts. With good carbs, I have the stamina to finish my daily routine without feeling like I'm gonna die!

ButtertheBean, I am so glad you posted this. We do need to change our relationship with food in order to be successful with the sleeve...and I'm not defining success as reaching our goal weight, but as maintaining that goal weight for life. The regain statistics say that after 5 years, most WLS patients have regained a portion of their weight. I want to beat that statistic and I think getting the mental house in order is required to do that.

[BKMama 179]

Great post. The Psych I saw about knocked me out of my chair during our session. He said "food shouldn't make you happy. food should simply be the fuel to let you go and DO things that make you happy."

I seriously almost got up and left. What do you mean food shouldn't make me happy?? I bust out a little dance when something is especially good. LOL But since then I have really given the things he said some real thought and tried to put them into practice. I can enjoy food without being so emotionally connected to it. The switch hasn't been completely flipped at this point, but I'm working on it.

[gustavo52974 369]

I agree BKMama. Yes, food is a means to an end. But I don't see anything wrong with enjoying food either. In the words of our dearly departed Julia Child, who obviously enjoyed food, "If you want to loose weight, eat less!"

[chitowngirl 884]

Very well said. I agree with your statements.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I agree BKMama. Yes, food is a means to an end. But I don't see anything wrong with enjoying food either. In the words of our dearly departed Julia Child, who obviously enjoyed food, "If you want to loose weight, eat less!"

Gustavo, you are right. There is nothing wrong with enjoying food. For me the challenge is finding food that I enjoy that is healthy. I found some, but I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy fried catfish, pepperoni pizza, ice cream and Taco Bell. There is something wrong with enjoying those foods....they were killing me. If I could eat them in moderation I would never had needed this surgery. Maybe one day I could learn to eat them in moderation, but I will always fear that slippery slope.

[lollyfidy1965 402]

Butterthebean...your post should be required reading for all people using this site! I will say, without judgement implied, that I am daily amazed by some of the things posted here...how long did you wait to have macaroni and cheese, or a milkshake, or to drink alcohol, or to smoke pot, or whatever other unhealthy thing you can imagine....and I wonder (usually to myself)..."Have you learned nothing about why you ended up needing this surgery??" Most of us had (and, I dare to say, still have) no real concept and understanding of "moderation.". We didn't track every bite we put in our mouths prior to surgery, so how can we know what is "moderate" in comparison? Without honest tracking, we rarely have a realistic impression of what was consumed (there have been amazing studies done on the disparities between what we "think we ate" versus what we actually ate!). Like you, I have made the conscious choice to not eat things that are harmful to me...to continue to do so, after having gone through the pain of surgery, makes absolutely no sense to me. While I understand I can't do anything to directly help anyone else on their journey (and I often get "smacked" on here for trying), I do sincerely worry for those who give every indication of not having changed their relationship with food.

Best of luck, to each of us, as we continue on our journey to better health!

Laura

[Catracks 865]

Butterthebean...your post should be required reading for all people using this site! I will say, without judgement implied, that I am daily amazed by some of the things posted here...how long did you wait to have macaroni and cheese, or a milkshake, or to drink alcohol, or to smoke pot, or whatever other unhealthy thing you can imagine....and I wonder (usually to myself)..."Have you learned nothing about why you ended up needing this surgery??" Most of us had (and, I dare to say, still have) no real concept and understanding of "moderation.". We didn't track every bite we put in our mouths prior to surgery, so how can we know what is "moderate" in comparison? Without honest tracking, we rarely have a realistic impression of what was consumed (there have been amazing studies done on the disparities between what we "think we ate" versus what we actually ate!). Like you, I have made the conscious choice to not eat things that are harmful to me...to continue to do so, after having gone through the pain of surgery, makes absolutely no sense to me. While I understand I can't do anything to directly help anyone else on their journey (and I often get "smacked" on here for trying), I do sincerely worry for those who give every indication of not having changed their relationship with food.

Best of luck, to each of us, as we continue on our journey to better health!

Laura

I've been smacked repeatedly for suggesting that someone perhaps should forgo the junk food and substitute it with something healthier. The responses are sometimes very angry. Not all, but some.

I can respect the "everything in moderation" folks, but I personally cannot succeed that way. I make my own Protein "milkshakes" and sugar free Protein ice cream and Cookies when I have to have a treat. More often it's Greek yogurt with a sprinkle of sliced almonds. I make my own nut butters because the commercial ones have added sugar. I do not eat Pasta or rice. I eat quinoa once in a great while. The only time I have bread is on a mountain hike because I will drop in my tracks without it. I have a tiny bit of potato once in a while, but more ofter I will substitute cauliflower or have a bit of sweet potato.

I'm just not the kind that can have one chip so I will sprinkle Parmesan cheese on wax paper and bake it for my crackers. I can eat a couple of those and be happy, but potato chips and onion dip will cause me to binge. I used to dip artichoke and broccoli into mayo or butter. Now I dip it into Greek yogurt mixed with onions or herbs or spices.

You are right Butterthebean. Having one bite of a doughnut does not make me happy. It makes me frustrated and sick from the sugar. Making a 5 minute microwave, lowfat, sugar free protein chocolate cake makes me happy. For that matter so does lowfat cottage cheese with a few sunflower seeds.

I'm still a total foodie, but I rather eat filet mignon and scallops rather than burgers and fries.

[gustavo52974 369]

Gustavo' date=' you are right. There is nothing wrong with enjoying food. For me the challenge is finding food that I enjoy that is healthy. I found some, but I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy fried catfish, pepperoni pizza, ice cream and Taco Bell. There is something wrong with enjoying those foods....they were killing me. If I could eat them in moderation I would never had needed this surgery. Maybe one day I could learn to eat them in moderation, but I will always fear that slippery slope.[/quote']

If that was your problem, then I wholeheartedly agree. But when I said that there was nothing wrong with enjoying food, I never mentioned pizza, ice cream, or whatever was your junk food of choice. I was never a big junk food fan, nor did I endorse eating them by what I said. So please don't infer that from my statement.

I was put on pretty strict post-op diet and I've been sticking to it, and I will continue to. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the healthful food that I do eat. And I no longer miss the food that I can't. If you still mourn the loss of eating Taco Bell or whatever, then that's more of a "you" problem.

[*susan* 1,709]

I think what people have to accept is everyone has different philosophies and methods of what does or does not work for them. There are the die hard "I will never put another unhealthy bite of food in my mouth" people, the "everything in moderation" people (me) and those who are still just trying to find their way.

Personally, if I was so strong that I was able to say "I will never put another unhealthy bite of food in my body", then what the heck did I need the sleeve for to begin with? I am not that person. I am a foodie, I like enjoying different cuisines and such. I just wanted to be able to eat like "normal" people do. Instead of sitting down and having a whole bag of chips and dip, now I just have an ounce of fat free Pringles when I want chips and I am completely satisfied. If I go to a birthday party and there is cake, heck yeah, I am going to have a piece, especially if it is chocolate. Difference is, a few bites and I am a satisfied girl.

My fiancé is a licensed nutritionist, personal trainer, yoga instructor, owns a martial arts school and counsels people on healthy eating and also cooks healthy meals for the senior center. Yes, he is a very busy guy. He agrees with my philosophy on everything in moderation. Better to have a small, satisfying serving now than to deprive myself and eventually end up binging. And guess what, we eat Pasta too! Your body actually needs a certain amount of healthy carbs, it's okay. We have whole wheat Pasta once or twice a week. At the same time, I do make sure I drink plenty of Water, eat healthy fruits and vegetables and lots of Protein. I also exercise and do martial arts. I eat an average of 1800 calories a day. I do not believe that living on 800 calories a day outside of your initial weight loss period is healthy for ones body. I am three years out, have lost over 113 pounds at a healthy pace and feel great and am happy.

So, I guess what I am saying is, if you are of the "I will never put another unhealthy bite of food in my body" people, great! I think that is awesome. I will not try to push my methods onto you, I will not chastise you for the way you do things and I will be 100% supportive of you. In return, I ask that you not criticize me for my methods, especially when they are working for me, or make me feel like I am less of a person or a sleeve failure because I want to enjoy everything life has to offer, including food treats. If you see a thread where somebody wants to know about eating macaroni and cheese, instead of criticizing them or making them feel bad, either choose to simply keep the peace by passing up that thread, or perhaps offer some healthy alternatives like many have chosen to do.

Peace and love to all!

Sent from my iPad using VST

[Sherry77 166]

I think what people have to accept is everyone has different philosophies and methods of what does or does not work for them. There are the die hard "I will never put another unhealthy bite of food in my mouth" people' date=' the "everything in moderation" people (me) and those who are still just trying to find their way.

Personally, if I was so strong that I was able to say "I will never put another unhealthy bite of food in my body", then what the heck did I need the sleeve for to begin with? I am not that person. I am a foodie, I like enjoying different cuisines and such. I just wanted to be able to eat like "normal" people do. Instead of sitting down and having a whole bag of chips and dip, now I just have an ounce of fat free Pringles when I want chips and I am completely satisfied. If I go to a birthday party and there is cake, heck yeah, I am going to have a piece, especially if it is chocolate. Difference is, a few bites and I am a satisfied girl.

My fiancé is a licensed nutritionist, personal trainer, yoga instructor, owns a martial arts school and counsels people on healthy eating and also cooks healthy meals for the senior center. Yes, he is a very busy guy. He agrees with my philosophy on everything in moderation. Better to have a small, satisfying serving now than to deprive myself and eventually end up binging. And guess what, we eat Pasta too! Your body actually needs a certain amount of healthy carbs, it's okay. We have whole wheat Pasta once or twice a week. At the same time, I do make sure I drink plenty of Water, eat healthy fruits and vegetables and lots of Protein. I also exercise and do martial arts. I eat an average of 1800 calories a day. I do not believe that living on 800 calories a day outside of your initial weight loss period is healthy for ones body. I am three years out, have lost over 113 pounds at a healthy pace and feel great and am happy.

So, I guess what I am saying is, if you are of the "I will never put another unhealthy bite of food in my body" people, great! I think that is awesome. I will not try to push my methods onto you, I will not chastise you for the way you do things and I will be 100% supportive of you. In return, I ask that you not criticize me for my methods, especially when they are working for me, or make me feel like I am less of a person or a sleeve failure because I want to enjoy everything life has to offer, including food treats. If you see a thread where somebody wants to know about eating macaroni and cheese, instead of criticizing them or making them feel bad, either choose to simply keep the peace by passing up that thread, or perhaps offer some healthy alternatives like many have chosen to do.

Peace and love to all!

Sent from my iPad using VST[/quote']

This so needed to be said. I love your philosophy!

[Catracks 865]

I think I would be amiss for not telling a person that is 3 days out of surgery that if they are wanting to know when they can have Doritos, mac & cheese, milkshakes and other junk foods it might want to speak to a nutritionist.

It was not a criticism. It was advice that was not rudely given. I think that people confuse difference of opinion or disagreement with meanness or something.

I steer people to TheworldaccordingtoEggface.com constantly. She does not eat any Pasta, sugar, potatoes or bread, She won't even touch crackers. I don't go as far as she does, but her recipes like pastaless lasagna are staples at my house and she gives me great ideas.

I personally did not give the poster of the mac and cheese thread an alternate mac and cheese recipe because she was 3 DAYS OUT and not nearly ready. I did talk about ways to make Protein shakes taste like milkshakes and only got "protein shakes make me gag."

I felt that perhaps she needed to learn how to deal with the head hunger first or no control is even possible.

If you see a thread where someone has given polite advice that they think is sound:

"instead of criticizing them or making them feel bad, either choose to simply keep the peace by passing up that thread, or perhaps offer some healthy alternatives like many have chosen to do."

Actually I would never tell someone not to post. Just making a point.