How Do You Deal With.....

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

I find it weird that two of my friends who have had the procedure done are not being supportive.

One of them had the sleeve and is doing very good. When I asked her for her input on how she really felt after the surgery she replied that I should do my research on-line.... Wow! I was blown away as I really thought she would share her experience.

The other friend had the RNY and I guess is having a lot of food issues. Like crying because she can't have her favorite foods.. when I told her I was thinking of doing it to help put my diabetes in remission she just about flipped and said that I was crazy for even thinking about having it because I have 60 lbs to lose and not the 200+ she had to lose. THen she goes on about how hard it's been for her and blah, blah, blah.. but then she ends with but I would do it all over again... What the heck is that all about?

I have since done my own research, followed my gut feeling, and have left everything up to God. I have met with my surgeon on the 16th. I'll be doing more testing and see the dr. again on the 17th.

It just blows my mind how people who have had the surgery react when a friend is planning on doing it.

Have you been thru it? How did you handle it?

THanks for your input... :wub:

[Shape_Shifter 83]

Maybe I'm speaking out-of-turn since I havent been sleeved yet and I too am only looking to loose 65 lbs. Jealousy? Maybe they wish they had done it earlier? Also, maybe your friend is one of those who always wishes they looked like you only being 60 lbs overweight, now she's getting noticed more, and you're going to come along and be thinner than her, possibly sooner. Stealing her Thunder so-to-speak.

Maybe just reassure them both that you admire them, etc. and how brave they were to take the 1st step and you are following them? Just my opinion

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

They're not your friends and so it really doesn't matter why they do what they do. You are making a life saving choice for you and are going to start feeling so good about yourself, they will be left behind in the dust! Keep it up and give yourself credit for all the hard work your going to be doing! You Rock!

[IlyssaDel 42]

I think it's because when you have the surgery ,you want to be the one to stand out and when your friends start doing it, it makes you feel jealous?! Because this is YOUR time...lol I want my fat friends to be fat while I get skinny first! Hahaha harsh but true!

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

My fathers wife had RNY and had a miserable recovery. I'm willing to bet she would "Go off" on any of her friends tha even mentioned wanting WLS.

As far as your friend that told you to do your research on the web, is there a possibility that she didn't want to feel like she steamed your decision.

Maybe she felt that she would feel responsible if something went wrong, and she had told you that she felt it wasa good idea.

I might be wrong, but I believe people are basicly good, they don't want to see others get hurt, they also don't want to feel like they contributed to a friends pain.

[Shape_Shifter 83]

My fathers wife had RNY and had a miserable recovery. I'm willing to bet she would "Go off" on any of her friends tha even mentioned wanting WLS.

As far as your friend that told you to do your research on the web, is there a possibility that she didn't want to feel like she steamed your decision.

Maybe she felt that she would feel responsible if something went wrong, and she had told you that she felt it wasa good idea.

I might be wrong, but I believe people are basicly good, they don't want to see others get hurt, they also don't want to feel like they contributed to a friends pain.

I like this nicer theory better than my first instinct.

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

Thanks for your replies.

I in fact want to think they aren't being selfish. But then one part of me feels they are. When I ask anyone on here about their experiences they don't think twice about telling me what they went thru.

I have since stopped asking any questions or even letting them know what steps I am going thru.

I truly appreciate all of your input.

[Izuri 428]

I don't know that I think it's really them being selfish. It sounds like a couple of things from my perspective. It sounds like the first friend with the sleeve may just feel like it's too personal to talk about. Maybe there is a lot about their experience that you haven't heard about and she's not ready to explore that yet. Many people don't feel comfortable talking to the people they know about the surgery. This forum is a bit different because it's more anonymous, and you know everyone is accepting of it, since the forum is based around the sleeve. That's just my guess, it does not sound like it was supposed to be rude, although it may have come off that way.

The second person it sounds like had an difficult post-op experience and is probably still struggling a lot with emotions and food addiction. So your wanting surgery sounds like it brought up a surge of emotions. At the very least, it sounds like she was trying to look out for you a little, not wanting you to go through the pain she did, although she definitely worded it poorly.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

One of my past best friends had RNY in like 2004. She lied to me and our other good friend, saying she had stomach cancer. Let me tell u, it caused a rift in all our friendships with her. She had so many issues with making this decision. At this point we are no longer besties and do not talk on a regular. I would not ask her opinion or thoughts. Honestly, I feel more comfortable with the people here that share their experience and my own online research. We all have so many reasons for deciding to go forth with this. Some are more comfortable than others and friends sometime have a jaded viewpoint. No saying they don't care, but people are often time so quick to tell the negative and forget about the positive.

Forgive any typos-I hate typing on my blueberry....

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Forgive any typos-I hate typing on my blueberry....

blueberry.......buwahahahahahaha..................O.o I assume hat was an intentional pun:)

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

I don't know that I think it's really them being selfish. It sounds like a couple of things from my perspective. It sounds like the first friend with the sleeve may just feel like it's too personal to talk about. Maybe there is a lot about their experience that you haven't heard about and she's not ready to explore that yet. Many people don't feel comfortable talking to the people they know about the surgery. This forum is a bit different because it's more anonymous, and you know everyone is accepting of it, since the forum is based around the sleeve. That's just my guess, it does not sound like it was supposed to be rude, although it may have come off that way.

The second person it sounds like had an difficult post-op experience and is probably still struggling a lot with emotions and food addiction. So your wanting surgery sounds like it brought up a surge of emotions. At the very least, it sounds like she was trying to look out for you a little, not wanting you to go through the pain she did, although she definitely worded it poorly.

That is what I want to think. Everything you said makes sense. But when I asked them the tone they used was a little hurtful. I am over them now. I have found the support from others who have had the procedure on here. I am thankful to all of you for being honest with me.

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

blueberry.......buwahahahahahaha..................O.o I assume hat was an intentional pun:)

It was funny... Hahahhah!!

[scaredoftheunknown 95]

One of my past best friends had RNY in like 2004. She lied to me and our other good friend, saying she had stomach cancer. Let me tell u, it caused a rift in all our friendships with her. She had so many issues with making this decision. At this point we are no longer besties and do not talk on a regular. I would not ask her opinion or thoughts. Honestly, I feel more comfortable with the people here that share their experience and my own online research. We all have so many reasons for deciding to go forth with this. Some are more comfortable than others and friends sometime have a jaded viewpoint. No saying they don't care, but people are often time so quick to tell the negative and forget about the positive.

Forgive any typos-I hate typing on my blueberry....

OMG! That is horrible to lie, but even worse to say it's cancer. Yea, I'd stay away from her too.

Sometime I wonder what goes on in peoples head...

[Catracks 865]

I tell everybody who asks about the sleeve. I also caution against RNY and the band just from the people I have met and the things I have read.

I can understand the people who go off because they had a difficult time.

I think I can also guess what's going on in the successful sleever's head. It may be the shame and stigma that still surrounds WLS - like they didn't have enough willpower and character to do it the natural way and took the easy way out.

Load of crap.

I think she may want people to believe or let them believe she didn't have the help. She may also be jealous that you are doing "Her thing" and might be just as successful or better at it.

Either way, it's a bit selfish. I've heard of these reactions. It's just weird.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

blueberry.......buwahahahahahaha..................O.o I assume hat was an intentional pun:)

Pretty much, this things gives me the blues.........