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My Husband Is Really Worried :(

Pookeyism

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Pookeyism    1,143

Pookeyism
Posted

4AM and a full day ahead and whatever sleep I get from here till 6 is what I get. I just can't seem to have a moment free from this being in my head - and my Hubby is really, truly scared. It breaks my heart that I am causing him to worry. Last evening after my nap (I nap now as soon as I get home because I can't sleep at night) I found him sitting beside me on the couch - he had pulled me over to him and was just holding me. I catch him staring at me and he looks so worried. This evening I woke to him asking me to come try some things he made - he spent hours on different types of broth combinations, Jello and Gelatin, sweet and savory. He wants to know if he should get a juicer, and what am I going to replace my wine and soda and coffee with, etc.

I feel like the one thing I did not prepare for was my big, strong man to be so scared. I wish I could find a way to approach this that would help him.

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mxmom    4

mxmom
Posted

i understand how you feel! when i got my surgery date, (DEC 28!!!) my husband was happy for me but i could tell he was worried. He wasn't quite jumping up and down like i was or wanted him too. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he knew i was excited and he is too, but he worries, cause it is such a major surgery. i think the best thing to do, is just let him know that you are confident with your surgeon, confident about the procedure and that you understand that he is worried, but he doesn't need to be. I do think its very sweet that he is in the kitchen experimenting with the combos of broth etc. you are a blessed woman! i will be praying his strength and no worrying for your hubby! take care!!!!

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NEVA907    48

NEVA907
Posted

MY FIANCE` IS WORRIED TOO. I DO FEEL BAD THAT HE FEELS THAT WAY,BUT IF I DON'T GET SLEEVED IT IS ME WHO WILL BE UNHAPPY WITH MYSELF AND THIS CONSTANT STRUGGLE. I 'VE LET HIM WATCH THE PROCEDURE ON YOUTUBE AND READ UP ON IT AND THE DR. I'VE CHOOSEN.

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Pookeyism    1,143

Pookeyism
Posted

i understand how you feel! when i got my surgery date, (DEC 28!!!) my husband was happy for me but i could tell he was worried. He wasn't quite jumping up and down like i was or wanted him too. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he knew i was excited and he is too, but he worries, cause it is such a major surgery. i think the best thing to do, is just let him know that you are confident with your surgeon, confident about the procedure and that you understand that he is worried, but he doesn't need to be. I do think its very sweet that he is in the kitchen experimenting with the combos of broth etc. you are a blessed woman! i will be praying his strength and no worrying for your hubby! take care!!!!

MY FIANCE` IS WORRIED TOO. I DO FEEL BAD THAT HE FEELS THAT WAY,BUT IF I DON'T GET SLEEVED IT IS ME WHO WILL BE UNHAPPY WITH MYSELF AND THIS CONSTANT STRUGGLE. I 'VE LET HIM WATCH THE PROCEDURE ON YOUTUBE AND READ UP ON IT AND THE DR. I'VE CHOOSEN.

mxmom - thank you. Yes, to quote Nikki "I am not lucky, I am blessed." We are talking alot, and I am going over the positive things. I am engaging him in conversations about what we are going to do and where we are going to go afterwards - and I told him I wanted a new piece of lingere at each size mark - and he had to pick it out, lol.

NEVA907 - Very positive attitude! My Husband is not against the surgery, just very concerned. Even if he were against it, I do think I would have it. You are right.

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guzel    11

guzel
Posted

Has your husband had a chance to speak to your surgeon? Maybe being able to ask questions and hearing the answers directly from the Dr could help ease some of his fears.

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Pookeyism    1,143

Pookeyism
Posted

Guzel - no he has not. I wish he would. We are going to go to the monthly free consultaion thing...and I have encouraged him to just make an appointment, but so far no. I think the decision was just very fast in his opinion...he did not see the reading and research and last attempt at losing weight on my own (I was losing weight in preparation for the surgery) as a part of this decision. I am going to work on us discussing it this weekend.

Good question, by the way. What a wonderful forum we have! and thank you!

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Pookeyism    1,143

Pookeyism
Posted

Guzel - no he has not. I wish he would. We are going to go to the monthly free consultaion thing...and I have encouraged him to just make an appointment, but so far no. I think the decision was just very fast in his opinion...he did not see the reading and research and last attempt at losing weight on my own (I was losing weight in preparation for the surgery) as a part of this decision. I am going to work on us discussing it this weekend.

Good question, by the way. What a wonderful forum we have! and thank you!

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omamilam    11

omamilam
Posted

Wow, I know my hubby is concerned as well. I wish I could get him to go to the dr. with me. I haven't asked him, maybe I should. He may have questions that only the doctor could put him at ease about. Thanks guys for bringing up this topic. It really got me to thinking. I want my hubby to have a positive attitude and be comfortable with my decision. If talking to the dr. will do that for him, it may be a good idea to bring him along on an appointment. I've been so focused on me, that I didn't consider his feelings as much as I should have. He doesn't do the computer thing and has only seen a few pics I have shown him. Now that I think about it he is not educated on the subject of WLS. He only knows what I have told him.

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gfawcetti    13

gfawcetti
Posted

I was sleeved on 11/14 & totally went through the same thing! When I told him I was looking into the surgery he was not happy, of course he is the same size as he was in high school (he's 46)! Anyway, it worked out that it took 10 months to get approved because we had time to talk... When I got my surgery date he said that he was neutral about it, but would be better once I woke up.

He refused to meet the surgeon etc, and at the hospital he was tense, but true to his word once I was out of recovery he was amazing. Now I hear him talking to his friends about how proud of me he is & how great I look!

They are proud men & don't like to admit that they are scared something will happen to us... Now 4 weeks out & 25lbs gone WE have no regrets!

G

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 0 replies
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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

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