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October 5, 2011

I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and can’t turn my brain off, so much has happened in my life since I signed on last. I have wanted to get this procedure done for over 2 years but I was in a toxic marriage that took a lot of sacrifice on my part. I sacrificed my happiness, my health and overall wellbeing in the name of love but what I failed to realize was that was quite the opposite. You should not have to try so hard to make something work, you should never have to sacrifice who and what you are to make someone else happy. After a long 5 year relationship and 3 year marriage, that chapter of my life has come to a close. He cheated. I am left with my 2 year old beautiful daughter, bills, the unknown and all this weight. I am done, I am done living for other people and the only person that I will consider in my decisions is my baby. I want to live, I want to be able to run and play and be the mother I know I can be. I am at the lowest point in my life right now but the cool part about it is that I see the tiny flicker of light at the end of this dark cold tunnel. I have hope, I have dreams, I am going to make them my reality and start living for me.

No more sitting on the sidelines of life, I am in the game PUT ME IN COACH is my motto. I look forward to getting support and supporting others in this journey. I thank you for taking time to read and feel me, God will help me through this and I am certain I will make it to the top.

-mari

PS: I am getting the referral from my doctor again and need to schedule an oppointment for a consultaion with my surgeon soon. I will keep you all posted.

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Awesome!!! Sometimes it takes a lot for us to drop the blinders and start living life!!! Blessings and peace.. Thanks for sharing and you are in my prayers!!!

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Hello Chiquita, wow I'm very sorry to hear you're going through so much! :( However, I'm extremely glad to hear you're not letting this get you to a point where you're not willing to do something about YOU. Right now, that's where your focus should be (and your baby of course!). Please keep us updated on your journey! We are always here with an open ear. You're going to do fantastic, and you will get your life back!!

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Thanks ladies, I really appreciate your kind words and support! I will keep you all updated on my progress, for sure.

-mari

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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