Anyone having problems with old obese friends?

[lunarose 97]

I was having lunch with one of my oldest friends. She is the one who talked me into the sleeve only to back out once I was convinced. I try hard not to say anything about clothes size or weight loss I'll tell her if she asks but that's it. She was mentioning to me about seeing another friend who "...asked if I was still a twig...told her you were......oh by the way you our not allowed to wear that dress you had on when we went to dinner in my presence" said jokingly but still made me feel guilty. So I rolled my eyes and told her I am not a twig( I am not a twig no where near and in my twenties when I was at my thinnest I weighed 20lbs less then I do now and I wasn't a twig then and for some odd reason I kind of resent it when she saids things like that). And then I firmly inserted my foot in my mouth by saying "For God's sake I weigh 140 lbs I am not skinny." It wasn't until I got home that it hit me that she weighs 240 100 lbs more then I and if I roles were reversed I'd call her a twig too.

[kemo46 82]

You cannot feel guilty, you did what was best for your health. Why did your friend back out of her surgery? Does your weight loss inspire her to rethink her decision? Good job with you decision and dedication to getting healthy.

[Tiffykins 672]

I'm not very nice when these situations pop up. And, after the first few 100 comments, I just started saying "well, jealousy is like a bad cold; I hope you get well soon." Grant it, the comments I received were extremely harsh. I was called a "bobble head" doll, a lollipop girl, and various other names that really made me second guess getting skinny. But, for the love of everything holy, I'm only 5'1"-5'2" tall and was weighing 125-130lbs, really not skinny when you think of my stats. I was shunned more and more by my obese/overweight friends, and was told that I had turned my back on the BBW/size acceptance world by choosing surgery. I chose health, and longevity instead of being fat. They just couldn't see that side of it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on, and why I was now tossed out of the "group". These were 7+ year friendships, we cried, ate, drank, partied, mourned losses together, and while I was the only one getting healthy and apparently too skinny, I never changed my personality or core character traits. They all hated me, and were downright "mean". I have an extremely thick skin, and these comments hurt me to the core. I don't have any advice or really any suggestions to make it better. All I know is that I have to live the very best life that I can with or without their support. I can not live my life to accommodate their needs or wants.

[Rebel 9]

Tiffykins- GOOD FOR YOU. I am sorry that your previous "friends" let you down in such a phenomenal way. You would think that they more than anyone would understand why you chose WLS. But, I guess that was not the case.

We just have to remember that we did this for ourselves, to be healthy and live longer for our families. Not only that but to actually live instead of just being alive.

I am so proud of you and you inspire me every day.

[Deevah 3]

I'm going through that now. I had a friend for over 30years and now she's not speaking to me. The bottom line, I saw my mom die from carrying extra weight for 15 years (she got diabetes, hbp and heart issues brought on by excess weight) and I refuse to go down that pay. If you can't get with it, get out of my way. I like the comment about jealousy being like a bad cold. I will have to borrow that one!

[SouthernSleever 228]

Going through this now with several friends including family members. They say things now they wouldn't have dreamed to before. I suppose they think I lost my balls with my surgery??

[coops 1,790]

Yep... this resonates with me too... I felt guilty in the beginning but I don't now! I work hard to lose every pound and although I don't broadcast my weight loss, when it is mentioned I just say, 'thank you' and change the subject,

More recently, in work, I was in the staff room chatting and my weight loss came up, I foolishly said, 'Oh yeah, I feel great and I just have 14 more pounds to go!' *insert cheesy grin*. A work friend, turned to me and said 'Oh really Coops... from where? You are already a loli pop head!' *insert laughter*...

No this might seem like a little bit of staff room banter... but the lady who made the comment it TINY! She is a little shorter than me at 5 1. She went to put a jacket on and it was a little tight... she said that she would put it on the 'to lose weight pile' It is a size 6 uk. Now, she had the cheek to call me a loli pop head - and this isn't the first time. So this time I plucked up the courage and said 'Tell you what, when I get to my goal weight I can borrow from your 'to lose pile'!' *insert more laughter* I didn't mean to sound bitchy, it just sorta slipped out!

The lady in question didn't like this ... but I am sick to death of people telling me that I am too small when I am still medically obese and weighing in at 168lb... that is still a lot of weight to carry for my height and frame.

Funnily enough though, my 'larger' friends are really pleased for me and chuffed that I am losing weight and getting healthy! It is a funny world!!

[readyforit 0]

Going through this now with several friends including family members. They say things now they wouldn't have dreamed to before. I suppose they think I lost my balls with my surgery??

Well said!! Love it!!

[lunarose 97]

Thanks. Her health is worse then mine was but her bottom line is that food is more important. I am 5'2 and a half 140 is at the upper end of healthy weight and am happy where I am would I like to lose a little more sure but twig I am not but she is forever making mean spirited comments like "We should hold her down and stuff chocolate cake down her throat" and then like Coops everyone laughs. I keep hoping it will pass now that I am at maintenance but it seems to have gotten worse. It doesn't help that all she has been doing is gaining and the looks I get when I insist on keeping on my exercise schedule.

[cooperstereo 2]

Sounds so familiar!!! I am almost 4 months post op and went from 228 on day of surgery to 174 now. I only told people when they asked what was I doing to lose weight, and my over weight friend started calling me a cheater for choosing surgery. This after she knew I was doing everthing else to lose weight, with minimal results. Now I am hesitant to mention the surgery to people because SHE made me feel as if I did something wrong.

Also, now she calls me skinny mini also which I absolutely hate. I weighed 140lbs before kids and that's what I'm trying to get back to, it will also put my BMI in the 'normal' category. The weird thing is that even at 140lbs I was still dieting and trying to lose weight.

Good luck on everything you guys and thanks for your posts. This site is like my therapist, dietician, nurse, and confidant all rolled into one and I'm so thankful I found a place to ask and say what I want.

[Raine 170]

I am hoping that it doesn't happen to me.

I am going to NY during spring break and going to see one of my oldest friends. A month ago she made a really catty comment and it really bothered me. I told her about my how much I was down to and she said she had to get a move on because I weigh less than her now and we can't have that. She was always the tall thin blonde and me the short fat brunette. I hope it was that I inspired her to get on track rather than her thinking that I have to always be the "fat" friend. We have been friends for 25 years and when I see her it will tell me what she truly thinks. I'm praying for the best, but I fear the worst. We shall see. Either way, if it is not what I want from her then she is out, I will not have that negativity in my life and will cut it out like a cancer. Everything I am doing I am doing to better me, my health and my life and I will not let anyone hinder that process.

[kemo46 82]

I am hoping that it doesn't happen to me.

I am going to NY during spring break and going to see one of my oldest friends. A month ago she made a really catty comment and it really bothered me. I told her about my how much I was down to and she said she had to get a move on because I weigh less than her now and we can't have that. She was always the tall thin blonde and me the short fat brunette. I hope it was that I inspired her to get on track rather than her thinking that I have to always be the "fat" friend. We have been friends for 25 years and when I see her it will tell me what she truly thinks. I'm praying for the best, but I fear the worst. We shall see. Either way, if it is not what I want from her then she is out, I will not have that negativity in my life and will cut it out like a cancer. Everything I am doing I am doing to better me, my health and my life and I will not let anyone hinder that process.

Good for you Raine, I am the same way. Life is too short to have unnecessary negativity in our lives. Our true friends will know we did this to improve our health and embrace our success.

[DisneyAddict 10]

I'm not very nice when these situations pop up. And, after the first few 100 comments, I just started saying "well, jealousy is like a bad cold; I hope you get well soon." Grant it, the comments I received were extremely harsh. I was called a "bobble head" doll, a lollipop girl, and various other names that really made me second guess getting skinny. But, for the love of everything holy, I'm only 5'1"-5'2" tall and was weighing 125-130lbs, really not skinny when you think of my stats. I was shunned more and more by my obese/overweight friends, and was told that I had turned my back on the BBW/size acceptance world by choosing surgery. I chose health, and longevity instead of being fat. They just couldn't see that side of it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on, and why I was now tossed out of the "group". These were 7+ year friendships, we cried, ate, drank, partied, mourned losses together, and while I was the only one getting healthy and apparently too skinny, I never changed my personality or core character traits. They all hated me, and were downright "mean". I have an extremely thick skin, and these comments hurt me to the core. I don't have any advice or really any suggestions to make it better. All I know is that I have to live the very best life that I can with or without their support. I can not live my life to accommodate their needs or wants.

I LOVE the bad cold comment. And it really does apply in my situation with one particular friend who's always been VERY competitive with me.

I've been lucky enough that most of my good friends are guys. The ones I honestly would call friends. Guys don't seem to have a level of cattiness... now the girls? That's a whole other kettle of fish. I've completely lost one friend who was like a sister to both dh & i since I told her I was having surgery (the one I mentioned above). I have to admit that one cut me straight down to the bone. It took a long time to mourn the loss of that friendship because I honestly racked my brain for anything that I may have done. The others who are married to my guy friends, are a bit two faced and now that they see I'm no longer the biggest one in the group they're attempting to lose weight and BSing me. Oh I'm into a 22 now. I had surgery on my stomach - not my eyes... honey I know you need clothes, nice clothes, and I'm offering to let you raid my clothes.. just shut up and accept it.

Tiffy's last sentence, I think, is something we all need to try to remember. We all had this surgery for our own lives, happiness and families. Not anyone else and we can't coddle those who have shown their true colors since we've lost ginormous amounts of weight. If they were true blue friends, they'd be celebrating with us. It stinks that this wonderful thing we've done for ourselves highlights the bad in some people and we end up losing friends. As much as it sucks, I'd rather know who a true friend is now... than those who are two faced and not GENUINELY true friends. True friends will stick by us. Those are the only kinds I have time in my life for. I've had bouts of depression the last couple of weeks because it seems like our friends have been severely cut in more than half. It feels sad & lonely but I can't live my life by my friends and what makes them comfortable. I was reading last night and there was a line in the book regarding friends that really struck a nerve. "Tell me who you run with and I'll tell you who you are". I used to run with a crowd in which everyone was HEAVY. I'm not now and our group has dissolved. There's something to that line I think. It hits on so many levels.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Yep... this resonates with me too... I felt guilty in the beginning but I don't now! I work hard to lose every pound and although I don't broadcast my weight loss, when it is mentioned I just say, 'thank you' and change the subject,

More recently, in work, I was in the staff room chatting and my weight loss came up, I foolishly said, 'Oh yeah, I feel great and I just have 14 more pounds to go!' *insert cheesy grin*. A work friend, turned to me and said 'Oh really Coops... from where? You are already a loli pop head!' *insert laughter*...

No this might seem like a little bit of staff room banter... but the lady who made the comment it TINY! She is a little shorter than me at 5 1. She went to put a jacket on and it was a little tight... she said that she would put it on the 'to lose weight pile' It is a size 6 uk. Now, she had the cheek to call me a loli pop head - and this isn't the first time. So this time I plucked up the courage and said 'Tell you what, when I get to my goal weight I can borrow from your 'to lose pile'!' *insert more laughter* I didn't mean to sound bitchy, it just sorta slipped out!

The lady in question didn't like this ... but I am sick to death of people telling me that I am too small when I am still medically obese and weighing in at 168lb... that is still a lot of weight to carry for my height and frame.

Funnily enough though, my 'larger' friends are really pleased for me and chuffed that I am losing weight and getting healthy! It is a funny world!!

You know, Sometimes I didn't really know how much I weighed... Especially when I was younger, and thought I was fat when I wasn't... Perhaps she really sees you as smaller than her....? I am lucky that my friends are happy for me, but they have to ask how much I weigh (some of them) just to see where they stand....its that old numbers habit! The woman you work with sounds like she thinks you look better than her, and she is getting "fat". Its a mixed up wiggley world!

[Sunny702 2]

Wow ... I moved across country 3 years ago and since then I've really lost "real" contact with my friends back home. I've only told 1 and she's the one who had lapband last year and looks WONDERFUL now. So she's super excited for me in this process. In regards to all my new frieds I have only told 1. I'm the "big" friend at this point. I think they'd be happy for me but I really don't want the "watchful" eye and all the questions. To me ... that was ALWAYS the most annoying thing when you let people know you're trying to lose weight.

Best of luck to all of you!!!!