Asked my Hubby

[AnewMe@28 38]

Currently I am doing very well with my weight loss. I have rocked my sleeve all the way down from 298lbs to 181lbs. I feel like I am doing a fantastic job. I love life and my new changing body.

Well lately everyone has been constantly asking me how small am I going to get? My response has been, I don't know either 175lbs or 150lbs where ever my doctor and I feel comfortable.

Now mind you I have been with my husband for like 5 years. But I have never asked him what he thought about my weight or for that matter has he mentioned anything. He was very supportive about my having the surgery. He is still very supportive. I just so happen to ask him, at what would like to see me? He responded that he thought I was great at whatever weight I stopped at. I kept pushing for a specific answer. He actually said he would like to see me at 130lbs. I was not angry as my girlfriends were. I was shocked that he had a number or actually even cared what I weighed. When we married I was bigger than when we first met. I must say I never had this number on my horizion. Probably because I can not recall ever being this number in life. In junior high I was 190lbs.

I can say that I am actually okay with the number now that I have had time to let it sink in, and realize that with help of my sleeve I can actually reach it, heck maybe even pass it, who knows what is possible.

I say all this to say, ask your spouse what they think. I would have never known how he felt about it had I never asked.

[thinoneday 445]

Well we did ask right? So their answers I guess are important, hurtful or not. . . mine doesn't want me smaller then 200lbs, says I'll look too anorexic . . . oh well. whatever happens happens right

[Neoteric Verve 65]

He was very supportive about my having the surgery. He is still very supportive. I just so happen to ask him, at what would like to see me? He responded that he thought I was great at whatever weight I stopped at. I kept pushing for a specific answer. He actually said he would like to see me at 130lbs. I was not angry as my girlfriends were. I was shocked that he had a number or actually even cared what I weighed.

Congrats on your weight loss.

Now, listen to yourself. You weren't happy with his answer of "I like what you are comfortable with. YOU kept pushing and because you didn't get the answer you wanted you got angry. Is that fair? He didn't care about a specific number, you did. Don't worry about a perfect number. Just focus on health and well-being. You'll both be fine. I think you may be miffed at 130lb because you felt it was unattainable for so long (and even now perhaps).

You are doing beyond awesome, just stop painting him into a corner. I'm sure he was thinking "well if you get mad at the NUMBER that I put out there why did you press me for one?" He may have tossed that number out there on a whim. Who knows. I think he does support you at ANY weight.

[Neoteric Verve 65]

By the way, I apologize if it sounded angry as I am and was not. My wife does that to me as well. I feel uncomfortable being painted into a corner and it makes me feel awkward. I say what I think will get me out of the corner. Wrong or not I do. Do I specifically have a number about her "ideal" size? Nope! But surprisingly I (and possibly most men) have a specific number about MY ideal size. Go figure...

[Neoteric Verve 65]

Guys. As a gentle reminder, if your lady friend asks you anything about her weight be tactful and considerate. Difficult but not impossible. Ladies, please try to avoid putting us on the spot 'cause most of the time we really don't know.

Woman: "Honey, what size do you think I would look best at?"

Man: "The only number I can think of is the one that keeps you around me for the longest time. I may not know what it is but when you finally smile in total accomplishment and comfort we'll both know. THAT'S the number I want to see you at!"

[Foxbins 625]

Honestly, I don't think most people can guess how much someone else weighs. "130" is just a number...you might ask him how he picked it. Who does he know that weighs 130 lbs? Or does he know he can pick up 130 lbs and he wants to be able to pick you up?

Most of my friends are guessing that I weigh 25-30 lbs less than I actually do..

[chef neil 25]

I have no idea how I want to be nor would I ever slate what my wife needs to be...

I want to be healthy and I want my life partner to be healthy too, so we can be active together,

I do love how the small portions are, the weight loss news, daily or weekly... crossing things off the LIST...

it's the journey not the destination...

[Tiffykins 672]

I personally think some men are clueless when it comes to weight. Seriously, my husband had no clue I weighed 270lbs, he is convinced I weigh less than my current weight.

I would say it really depends on final body shape, and weight. I'm only 5'2" and at 125lbs, my husband honestly believes I am far too small. My surgeon and my husband are both in agreement that I need to maintain 135-140lbs instead of 125-130lbs. It may only be 10lbs, but those 10 pounds make a huge difference.

However, I will say that men have a view of what "XXX" number of pounds looks like, and sadly, I might weigh very close to the same amount as Reese Witherspoon, but my body does NOT resemble her shape at all. So, while my husband might think "this weight" would look good on me, in all honesty, my body shape/size/dimensions all vary in comparison to other women.

[KellyL 173]

Men and women look so different at the same weight, so it would be difficult for a guy to say they think you would look best at ____ lbs. I too think he just threw a # out there because you asked again. If you look and feel good at 150 lbs then maintain that. He probably wouldn't know or care that you werent 130. I have NO CLUE what to set as my own goal because I've been big for so long, and my hubby has only known me bigger. So if I can't figure out yet where I might be happy and healthy yet, then I am not going to expect him to be able to even begin to guess. Lol

[KellyL 173]

Double post

[M2G 1,836]

Well, I just have to say that while it's nice sometimes that our husbands (or mothers, aunts, brothers, fathers, cousins, etc.) would like to "chime" in on what they THINK you should weigh, honestly it is really up to you. Yes, our surgeon's can give us guidelines and there is the ever-important BMI chart and for us women there is the time of the month, Water weight gain, etc. Basically there is a LOT to think about when figuring out what you should weigh.

But honestly it all comes down to you. What you are comfortable with, etc. I personally would hate to lose so much and then not be able to maintain that weight. I didn't have surgery to get to a number on the scale and then spend the rest of my life chasing that number again. So for me, I've picked something that I *hope* I will be able to maintain for life. And it puts me just barely inside the normal BMI category. Anything after that is gravy.

And I agree with Tiff...just because you weigh the same as someone else doesn't mean that you wear the same size or even look like you have similar bodies, etc.

Do what feels best for YOU!!!

[Papa Jack 86]

This is like asking your husband "How do I look?"

It's a trap question. I have been married 39 years. You never tell the truth.

[jeniferdann 0]

I asked my husband how much he thought I weighed pre surgery. He guessed 170. I weighed 245. Men have no idea.