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My boyfriend left me because I added one picture to this site!!!

Ready4aNewLife

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ybnormal    21

ybnormal
Posted

Yeah, "chubby chasers'" frequent THIS board looking for women that are intending on backing out of their surgery and staying chubby. *insert sarcastic eyeroll here)

My husband told me this when I asked him about my surgery: "I'm a smart man. We've been together over 20 years and I wanna keep it that way. I have no opinion. I love you whatever you do, and I stress this, I have no opinion." LOL I have to agree, he IS a smart man. ;)

It's not my place to judge your b/f, but can you let him browse the forums or even sign up for his own account? Let him see that this isn't E-Harmony, it's for people that have had the surgery to get support and advice and people that haven't had the surgery so that they can get accurate information. This site could literally end up saving your life someday. Think about the forums for searching for a GOOD surgeon or the complications sections, those alone are like gold to me.

Hope things work out for you

Renee`

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ybnormal    21

ybnormal
Posted

So he was dating another girl that was chubby as well? This is what he is attracted to then, correct? It's no wonder he doesn't want you to have the surgery then. Is he willing to own up to that or is he in denial about it? Something maybe counseling could help if you're serious about staying together because he's going to have to come to terms with the fact that YOU want to get healthy and not die young.

Renee`

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Gayle    9

Gayle
Posted

Wait, I thought he broke up with you

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Ready4aNewLife    1

Ready4aNewLife
Posted

So he was dating another girl that was chubby as well? This is what he is attracted to then, correct? It's no wonder he doesn't want you to have the surgery then. Is he willing to own up to that or is he in denial about it? Something maybe counseling could help if you're serious about staying together because he's going to have to come to terms with the fact that YOU want to get healthy and not die young.

Renee`

I wouldnt say that he is only attracted to chubby girls. He has only had me and his ex that was, the rest were little skinny minis!

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******    12

******
Posted

I wouldnt say that he is only attracted to chubby girls. He has only had me and his ex that was, the rest were little skinny minis!

For what it's worth, it sounds to me like he's got an issue with jealousy, and jealousy isn't a sign of love, it's a sign of insecurity. There are lots of guys out there who zone in on voluptuous, full-figured (fat) chicks because they think we're more appreciative of the attention and will overlook all their asshat behaviors because we're so desperate for attention.

Ultimately you have to live by yourself in your own skin, and for a fairly long time. So why not be comfortable living in a healthy body no matter what anyone else says, does or thinks?

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Candace2314    117

Candace2314
Posted

I'm sorry that you are going through that. It sounds like he is definitely insecure. Try to stay focused on the goal at hand, have you had WLS yet or are you prepping to have it?

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LilMissDiva Irene    3,282

LilMissDiva Irene
Posted

Wow... how to respond to this? Well, all I can tell you is that he did you a huge favor. If he wants to leave you for this, then to be honest he was probably looking for a way out regardless. Also, when times get tough, how can you trust that he would be there for you anyway? When you have a boyfriend/girlfriend it's usually a trial period for the bigger stuff - lifetime partnership/family making... Things like this are a huge indicator of how they will be with you for the duration. He scored an F in my book.

I know the feelings are still raw as it just happened, but you can't and won't need that kind of drama in your life right now. Weight loss and WLS is a very difficult thing alone - you really won't want too many distractions.

Best of luck!

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Ready4aNewLife    1

Ready4aNewLife
Posted

I'm sorry that you are going through that. It sounds like he is definitely insecure. Try to stay focused on the goal at hand, have you had WLS yet or are you prepping to have it?

I am prepping for it. I have my orientation for VSG on May 16th! In 3 days =]]

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mommyofLDS    52

mommyofLDS
Posted

I've had a few times since I've had surgery that I've fought with my hubby over it. He's got that 'Leave you before you leave me' mentality going on. We all forgot sometimes that this huge, life changing decision doesn't just effect us. There are support groups for significant others because it can be hard on them too. I'm not justifying the behaviour, but having dealt with a similar issue, it usually just stems from insecurity. When I've had to cross that bridge, I find extra love and reassuarnce tends to calm the waters. Maybe he just needs to hear that you aren't having this surgery to find men or to replace him. Guys can be extremely self-centered at times (sorry men!) and need to be reminded that our decisions aren't always about them! If you want to fix this relationship, maybe just try to talk to him about his fears? Good luck!

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Stacy160    201

Stacy160
Posted

Yes because there are tons of men trolling WLS support boards looking for women rolleyes.gif

He sounds like the Jealous type...not generally a good type to keep around. They get weird controlling and start accusing you of doing things you aren't. It quickly becomes an abusive dynamic. I say Good Riddance.

I completely agree with this.... be glad he's gone now, instead of further down the line. Men -- people in general like that -- do not change and their behavior only gets worse as they test to see how much you'll let them get away with it. It's hard to believe people can be so jealous and controlling.

Look at it as part of shedding the old life that was holding you back!!

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thinoneday    445

thinoneday
Posted

Im sooooo upset right now. I told my boyfriend how I signed up for this website and he saw I added a picture to it and he thinks that I'm using this website to look for guys. Are you kidding me??? It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!!!!!! I have no intentions on that! I have one and one intention only to be on these forums and it's because I have all these questions and all of you have great answers! He says "Why cant you be like a normal person and just search it on google?" He doesn't understand that stuff found on google is just general information and the people on here can answer so many things that google cant!!! Most of you have experienced VSG and that's who I need answers from, not some stupid search engine..

Sorry...I'm just so upset about this...just ranting!!

Sorry to hear that happened to you. . but you know what honey, he was going to end up being an abuser if he isn't already. . . I see he loves to use mental abuse on you. . . your going to be ok, he is very insecure and hateful , . . he has some serious jealousy issues he needs to work out. . hope he gets the help he needs. . . good luck!

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FindingMe75    9

FindingMe75
Posted

I wasn't sure if I should even comment on this since I'm a guy, but I tend to agree with those that are saying you're better off. This is a pretty major thing, and if he can't be supportive of something you need...well, you saw the other comments.

Of course, that doesn't change the hurt that you're going through right now. Either way, just keep in mind that there are lots of people here supporting you along this path!

Your screen name is Ready4aNewLife...maybe in more ways than you thought. I hope everything works out for you :)

LilMissDiva Irene reacted to this

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Kristy    90

Kristy
Posted

I can relate alittle to this as my boyfriend was opposed to me having the surgery but for other reasons then you. My boyfriend was afraid of losing me by death from the surgery not by me leaving him or jealousy. My boyfriend is totally against any kind of surgery (kinda wierd I know), and his cousin had the bypass and almost died, so that didn't help either. But we sat down and talked about it and he told me it was my decision and that he would be supportive of my decision no matter what, he loved ME. When I got my surgery date, he asked for the time of work, we didn't talk to much about the surgery until like a week before. Since my surgery he has really become interested in my weight lose..HE IS NOW SO SUPPORTIVE!! I also had no complications and he was thrilled with that!! Hope if all works out the way you wish!!

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Go To Topic Listing Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story

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