I finally got the money together for this whole thing (or at least got the house refinance paperwork signed off and I'm expecting the check on Tuesday). I'll be sending off the fees for the surgery and all later this week. And now I'm antsy. It's suddenly hit me that I'm actually going to get surgery, and on the one hand, I can't wait to start losing weight, and on the other hand, I'm in this place where I think, "It's nonsense, I'm going to not lose a pound," or I'll gain it all back in a month anyhow."

Not terribly rational, I suppose, but when I can't actually be doing something, I get stir-crazy. And right now, I just have to sit on my keister until I get the cashier's check delivered on Tuesday, then turn around and get another one to actually make the payment and schedule the surgery.

General anesthesia scares the crap out of me. I intend to counter that by insisting that I'm sedated 'way the back side of beyond, beforehand. I get grouchy when I'm nervous. I get grouchy when I'm tense. My poor husband is getting the brunt of it, and I'm fluctuating between feeling irritable that I'm going to have to shop for a whole new wardrobe, and trying to decide if I should just shop at Goodwill initially. How stupid is that?

My youngest is 18 and she keeps saying "Ever since you had that surgery there is no food in this house!!!"