so upset with my lack of will power

[JimmyXXL 7]

Hello everyone, I am a newbie to the site but am post op three years in September. My starting weight was 370lbs and 8 weeks ago I was 282lbs. I was thrilled but really struggling to eat. Something was blocking and I was choking at night while sleeping. Pretty scary to be woken up out of your sleep because you are choking on your own saliva. Anyway I went to the doctor and they immediatly emptied me out. It was such an incredble feeling to not have any restriction. They wanted me to be empty for a week or two to make sure I was ok. But I was supposed to still be careful with my food intake. Well I went haywire right away eating everything I have not been able to eat for the last two years.(pasta, bread and fast food). I did not go back to the doctor for three weeks and in that time I gained twenty pounds. They gave me a partial fill and told me to come back in a month or so depending on how I was feeling. Well it is a month later and I am dreading going back. I have gained another twenty pounds. I put on almost half the weight I fought to lose in just two months!! The worst part is I am so upset with myself, my cloths don't fit me, I threw out all my "fat" clothes and refuse to buy a larger size yet I cannot stop myself from eating. I now know what it feels like to be a drug addict. I am eating secretivly in my car figuring if nobody sees maybe I won't gain any weight. I am in a real bad place right now and need help. I am so glad I found this site, I believe it is a step in the right direction. So upsetting the jeans that were falling off of me 8 weeks ago I struggled to button this morning. I just hope I can get back on track. I know I have to go in for another adjustment but I am so embarressed by my weight gain I am afraid to face the doctors.

So Sad

JimmyXXL

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Ugh, how awful!

I've not dealt with your particular band issue, but I know what it's like to be a food addict. I can't tell you how many times I'd buy and stash mounds of junk food so I could eat it late at night when everyone was in bed. Or, I'd go through the Taco Bell drive thru and immediately go through the Burger King drive thru across the street- then sit in my car and eat it all.

The thing is, the Lap Band can't and won't stop us from being food addicts. There is a popular saying around here: "The band goes our stomachs, not our brains". Very often we need help in dealing with our brains and sometimes even more so than our weight.

I went to Over-eaters Anonymous for a couple months but I found one on one counseling worked far better for me. I went for about 2 1/2 years to deal with a wide range of life issues, including food addiction and binge eating.

I would strongly suggest seeking professional help. I know it's hard but it would help you so much. You owe it to yourself, you know?

Hang in there.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You can't let food be your guide. Take a long hard look at what you are doing to yourself and how hard you worked to get where you were and how simple it is to get back to the beginning. The band is not going to fix our control of food. You have to be willing to commit yourself to binge eating and think about what this will take you too in a year from now if you don't stop. Go back to your doctor and let them help you. You have to take control of yourself because no one else can do it for you. Get in the groove. Go back to basics of liquids and start right back where you began. Its the only way you will succeed.

[Jim1967 3,569]

Sounds like you are getting some sound advice here Jimmy. Get back to the Doctors asap. I know you're embarrassed to face the Doctors but you need a serious intervention before it gets worse. Only you can break the cycle you're in. I would definitely seek out a Counselor, Nutritionist and I would start journaling so you can see in print everything you put in your mouth. Sometimes seeing the numbers can help break patterns of bad eating.

[Shazam 517]

Sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard. For the little bit of time Ive cheated, I actually am finding that I feel yucky. It's like I feel better when I eat better. When you go for whatever junk food, maybe try to drink a Protein Shake before you do. Then at least you won't be as hungry. I too have rid my closet of fat clothes. I've bought stuff that I want to fit into. Something to look forward too. I've hit a plateau, I've been the same for nearly 3 mos. it's very frustrating. Good luck to you. Try to search within yourself why you did the WLS, maybe it will give you that little nudge to go in the right direction. My doc told me, if you're having problems, go back to the post op diet and slowly go to where you are. Sometimes that helps. Hang in there

[JimmyXXL 7]

Thank you all for the supportive words. I have a very supportive family but sometimes they just don't understand what I'm going through. I am going to start back at square one, I did it before and will take this weight off. Going to call the doctors office when it opens and get that adjustment. Mid rather have them disappointed than go back to where I was. Sometimes you need to hear it from a stranger. So glad I found this forum site. Keep fighting all,we can do this.

JimmyXXL

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi Jimmy, I'm so glad you found the site, too -- it is good for me to cop to my weight issues on a forum like this, as though I could keep hiding from such an obvious problem with food. You have taken a big step to face your issues head-on -- don't beat yourself up; we all know the kind of courage required. Thank you for sharing. I am still pre band and experiencing some of the 'get it while I can' mentality -- twisted thinking. I decided to get a therapist to go through the process with me and that's been good. I eat from anxiety and I am doing some hypnotherapy and mindfulness work to alleviate that. The thing is, and what all of us here are familiar with, is overriding what we know to be best -- the doing it anyway -- that's why I need the band.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

I know I have to go in for another adjustment but I am so embarressed by my weight gain I am afraid to face the doctors.

The Doctors have seen it all, nothing you tell them is going to shock them. Your fear is helping to keep you fat. Man up, and go back to see them. I personally feel that the leading cause of lap band failure is lack of follow through by the patient and the Dr.

Good luck.

[dawalsh 919]

I feel your frustration Jimmy XXL. But like Terry said, doctors have seen it all and I'm sure there are people lurking on this forum who can't admit that they're going through the same situation. You have our support on this forum. There is good advice on this forum. We're not doctors but most of us have been banded or are about to be banded so we learn from each others experiences. Missy (ms.73) is a wealth of information and I read everything she posts. Hang in there buddy and lots of (((hugs))) for you!