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unsupportive friends/family?

elynnmo

By elynnmo, in LAP-BAND Surgery Forums

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elynnmo    15

elynnmo
Posted

Anyone have any feedback on how to deal with friends and/or family that is unsupportive? I've been told that I should be able to lose the weight like a normal person if I tried hard enough, that I'm taking the easy way out, among others. I've stopped sharing with anyone that I'm having surgery except for this site and a couple friends that have had a bariatric procedure.

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rmalikone    108

rmalikone
Posted

First of all this is not ez!

You are a normal person, just one that has a weight problem!

As for friends/family they may be afraid for you or for themselves.

What I mean by that is the operation (afraid for you), and then you have a good chance of being a different person (afraid for themselves) !

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rmalikone    108

rmalikone
Posted

My wife was not initially in favor of me doing this. She said to diet and it will be OK, well why would it work now when it did not work for years!

What had a big impact was when I told her at my Psych review that the Doc said it was a shame that I had no support from anyone! She felt that. I also told her that I want to live longer for myself an FOR HER! I told her that she knows that my health problems will be made worse. Now down about 18 lbs. and being able to still go out to dinner together(I have to make good choices). She is happy for my surgery!

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KAATNS    1,473

KAATNS
Posted

Trust me, you cannot worry too much about it. Either you have their support or you don't. You have to do what's best for YOU and what helps you get healthy. I have found most of my support right here on this forum and couldn't be happier. Your TRUE friends should support you regardless of their own personal beliefs, but I know that doesn't always happen. Surround yourself with positive people and do your thing! Best wishes to you! :)

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feelinggood    152

feelinggood
Posted

First of all congratulations on your decision to take the big step to get healthy. As for the naysayers... Say to them "I have made my decision and am not asking for your approval but rather your support. Either you will support me or you won't, the choice is yours but I am hoping you will." "Normal" weight people really have no concept of the disease of obesity and really believe it's as easy as eating less and exercising more. And the reality is eating less and exercising more is the answer but it's not at all easy! Good luck!

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gowalking    10,790

gowalking
Posted

Thank you for the feedback! I have found that being on this site is very helpful.

sometimes non support is fear. for those who are important to you, have them come to a doctor's appointment with you or if that isn't feasable, have them go to a seminar so they understand the process better. you might find more support after they have more understanding of how it works. congrats on starting this journey to a healthier you.

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Lori123    170

Lori123
Posted

First of all, don't second guess your decision to get a healthier you. It isn't the easy way out by no means. The band is simply a tool, you do the work. The fact that you recognized within yourself you couldn't do it on diet and exercise alone (me too) is the key to your decision. I would surround yourself with people that are supportive and have no room in your life for non supporters. There will be people that try to sabotage you along the way. I don't know if that's ignorance or jealousy! Your doing it for all the right reasons -to get healthier.

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Sharpie    3,306

Sharpie
Posted

Yes I agree with all statements.. The one thing that I told friends and family that seemed to keep the natives quiet was that I was doing this for my health.. which is entirely true.. but if I would have been successful at dieting I wouldn't be obese.. I tried for years but would be successful at first but would quickly get off track and re-gain.. that got depressing.. The band allows me to be controlled.. I don't have the desire for food I once had.. I have lost almost 50 lbs and feel like a new person.. so you go for it and hopefully everyone will come around..

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dawalsh    919

dawalsh
Posted

Firstly, be good to yourself! You're doing this for you and no one else! Be selfish because tou're worth it! You're the priority here and trust me, this is not the easy way out! I struggle everyday to stay within my calories. Don't your unsupporting family and friends know that you have to watch what you eat? This is is major surgery and here's to a healthier you! You have the support of this forum! Good luck!

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Go To Topic Listing LAP-BAND Surgery Forums

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    • Alisa_S

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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      1. LeighaTR

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    • Alisa_S

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

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        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

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        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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