Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

I don't want to leave the house



Recommended Posts

ok I know that I am fat and that is why I had lap band surgery on june 21 2011. I am losing weight to date about 20 lbs I am thrilled but I do not want to leave the house. I know I am large and I am working on my weight/mind issues. i just hate that no one know i am working on it they do not know the struggles I have or the effort I have to put into myself. All they see is a fat person and they make assumptions about me without knowing a thing about me. my family that i live with husband and two kids ages 7 and 2 know how hard i am working but all the other people in my life don't see what i have to do to make progress they just look at me and say or think oh what a waste she is still fat after all the money we spent to pay for the surgery. I know that I cannot let others bring me down or dictate how i feel about me. I just do not want to leave my house and deal with the looks or comments from friends and family or even strangers. I have isolated myself as much as possible before I had the surgery many of my friends and family that have not seen me do not know how big I have gotten.

Wish i could hide away until i lose my weight. Having trouble dealing with my negative thoughts.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. I could not speak them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel your pain and isolation. What can I say, escept that you can start working on your self esteem a little at a time as you are slowly shrinking. It is part of the journey and you are not alone.

If there is anyway you can afford it, finding a Personal Trainer that will guide you, exercise with you and help you grow as time goes on would be wonderful. Mine would frequently tell me to "Embrace the changes in your body" and after a while it sunk in and I cancelled a very expensive very painful Plastic Surgery.

I wish you the best,

Mimi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Think about this....in less than two (2) months you have lost 20 lbs! thats a reasonable amount of weight to have lost.

The more you get out and walk around / move around the better you will feel and it just might add to your weight loss.

Nothing negative here, however, you may want to consider seeking out some counseling for yourself to assist with your perception of how others see you.

I wish you the best!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How awesome that you have lost 20 lbs already. You are doing great! I'm really proud of you!

Brian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey,

Also remember, those that already know how hard you are working and what you are truly accomplishing are the only ones that really matter. :D

Keep your chin up.

B)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, you will be surprised how people you haven't seen in a couple of weeks will notice even 5-10 lbs. Get out there embrace life...isn't that why you did it? Hang in there!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You said "I know that I cannot let others bring me down or dictate how i feel about me. I just do not want to leave my house and deal with the looks or comments from friends and family or even strangers." Though the sentences are contradictory, I believe you mean it when you say "... I cannot let others bring me down ...". You are doing an amazing job losing weight, but, as it is with many of us here, we are hesitant to acknowledge our progress when we feel we have such a long way to go. I don't think you're as concerned about what others think as your are about what you think others think. Know what I mean?

It's time you learn to give yourself a pat on the back -- EVERY DAY! You ARE working hard and it doesn't matter whether others realize it or not. The truth is, people are so busy with their own lives, your life is of little consequence to them. Do you really think that they do not question something about themselves, be it their weight, hair, skin, etc? Of course they do. If they criticize you it is only in the hope that they minimize their own flaws. Don't give them a thought ... I mean that, don't think about them OR what you think they are thinking. LOL!

As my best friend says "Go where you are celebrated!" And for you, that would be right there with your family. Get out and exercise as if you have lost 100 lbs already! You are FABULOUS! CLAIM IT!!!

We all let people "get in our heads" every now and again, just don't let them move in and stay! :lol:

YOU are the "master of your fate", and you are doing a damn good job so far!

All the best to you on your journey!

~F

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Forget hiding, show off those 20 lbs that are gone! That's a half bag of dog food for our large dogs! That's 2 giant bowling balls...think of the amount that is truly gone rather than trying to "see" it in the mirror or on the scale. You're doing FABULOUS! Show off what you have done and what you are going to continue doing!

If you think those "strangers" are talking about you...give them more to talk about..."Wow, she's looking even better everyday." They're not thinking you're fat (as you say), they're going to notice these changes in a good way. I hope saying this hasn't made you think they are staring at you, but I've had people at work (that I'm not close with at all) telling me that I'm looking really good. I even had one tell me she didn't want to be rude, but "your pants are practically falling off, you look great." So I'm sure they're not telling you how great you're doing because they don't want to upset you. Some people don't take compliments well.

Aside from whatever I can tell you, counseling might be something to look into. If you're unable to stop worrying about it, maybe a counselor could help (or even a support group...maybe even a lapband forum :rolleyes: ) Keep up the hard work and show it off. You're doing great!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i just sat down to read all of you wonderful words of inspiration and started to cry. Thank you all for your support. I am so thankful for all of you and this site. I realize i need to find my footing in my new life and self. And when I am feeling down I have all of you here to remind me what is important and what is not worth thinking about. Blessings to all of you.

Teresa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll tell you one little secret that makes all the difference. You have to just walk around this world like you own it! I have always been heavy but have always had boyfriends. I'm 248lbs right now and have guys hit on me frequently as well as my BF whos been around for 18 years. I have friends of all ages and types. The trick to getting thru life is self- confidence and not being afraid to laugh at yourself. Try your best to look good everyday. You may not be able to buy smaller clothes but try to make the ones that you have as flattering as possible. Get a hairstyle that always looks great on you and go get a free makeover at a cosmetics counter. And smile and start conversations with people. If your old friends and family are negative you will meet knew people who won't judge you on what you were.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can definitely relate. I've put on 40 lbs in the past few years, and I've always felt embarrassed about going out in public or seeing people who knew me when I was "smaller" (relative to the size I am now).

I feel like a huge ungraceful elephant compared to the others who are much smaller. I go to the gym now, and I can feel the eyes on me for being the biggest person there. I am afraid that I'm sweaty and smelly at the gym (and think people don't want to be next to the fat girl huffing and puffing on the exercise machine), and that's so embarrassing.

I didn't even want to go to my 5 year high school reunion last month (because of the college weight gain), but I went anyway and had a blast. Granted, there was alcohol involved that took away any self-consciousness and awkwardness, but I'm really glad I went!

Now that I'm getting the band, I hope I will regain some confidence about going in public and being myself (sans alcohol) without being judged.

BTW, 20 lbs lost is a great achievement. That definitely would be a noticeable physical change on you :) I hope you regain your confidence, because you deserve it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everyone is right don't ever worry about what people say about you just try to get pass that because this is for you remember that. If you were a hundred lbs they would talk about you, if ur 300lbs they talk so don't worry about it..people have more issues than weight, some of those same people have things going on that people outside don't know about and to get there mind off there problems they'll focus on someone like you or even me because I'm overweight also but I don't worry about them actually I love to know people are always thinking of me... So get up, fix up, and just get out and enjoy....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×