Lap Band and Divorce

[RedheadGirl 2]

PS.. I just had another thought. I was always the type of girl who settled for anyone to love me because of how low I felt about myself. Probably why I was in an abusive marriage for 13 years. I think once we feel good about ourselves we realize we deserve more than what we have "settled" with. Maybe that is what is going on? I don't know.. I don't encourage divorce. I also think people divorce like it's a highschool breakup these days. I gave my marriage a 4 year break to see if he would stop the abuse and since he didn't I had to do what I had to do...

[beachcitygirl 5]

Just wanted you to know you are not the only one having these thoughts or feelings. I am a Christian, go to church, and bible study. I am struggling with my thoughts and desires. I pray throught out the day, ask God for pure thoughts, I ask him to help me desire my Husband, and to strengthen my marriage. I have not. and will not cross the line, and I am very thankful that I have people in my life to talk to and pray for me without judging me. thank GOD a true Christian is not jugemental, but loving, kind and supportive. For the record I am not evil either, just human and very thankful for Gods grace.

[DarleneRN 4]

I think this is a topic that deserves attention. My primary care doc, when I had my 1st consultation for LBS, asked me flat up,'Do you realize how this MAY affect your life?' He said he read a study where over 90% of women that get LBS and are successful at weight loss leave their husbands. This doesn't mean 90% of the women out there are bad. It means they have options. Don't judge. You've never walked in their shoes. I'm a nurse, and believe me, there's a lot of things that go on in this life and a a marriage that outsiders can't understand. You can love someone and that doesn't necessarily mean you should stay with them. Every marriage is complicated in a way that only those in it together can understand.

I say don't be rash. Delve deep in your soul (a little therapy can be helpful) and decide what is best for you and your family. Be prepared to live with the outcome. Be good to yourself, your mate, and your children, regardless of how it turns out. Whatever you decide, proceed with kindness, grace and dignity. In a perfect world we would all live happily ever after, but we all must be realistic.

This sight has been a God send to me. I thank everyone of you.

[Melissannde 41]

I don't have time to post much, but will briefly speak on the Christian aspect of this thread:

I've always been told it's our duty and job as Christians to love one another and not be judgmental. In this case, loving one another would be to guide and support each other with kindness.. not harsh words. There are some who are old time hard core strict, my great-grandmother was one, but I don't see them attracting many to Christ.

Being a Christian is similar to being a bandster in some ways, as we learn better, we do better.

I'm not saying that leaving a marriage is a good thing .. but that beating the OP into the ground so that she can't even stand to read this thread now is very unfortunate. This is not support, this is abuse.

Stepping off my soapbox and heading for the farmers market and RPM class. Laterz.

[Awkward customer 5]

I don't have time to post much, but will briefly speak on the Christian aspect of this thread:

I've always been told it's our duty and job as Christians to love one another and not be judgmental. In this case, loving one another would be to guide and support each other with kindness.. not harsh words. There are some who are old time hard core strict, my great-grandmother was one, but I don't see them attracting many to Christ.

Being a Christian is similar to being a bandster in some ways, as we learn better, we do better.

I'm not saying that leaving a marriage is a good thing .. but that beating the OP into the ground so that she can't even stand to read this thread now is very unfortunate. This is not support, this is abuse.

Stepping off my soapbox and heading for the farmers market and RPM class. Laterz.

"Not being judgmental" is not an excuse for negating the words of Christ. Not being judgmental was always meant to mean that we acknowledged we all failed, but as Christians, and especially as the Church, we were right to encourage moral behaviour. Jesus helped the woman fallen in adultery being stoned by the people - but did you notice he did not say "carry on being a prostitute". He told her to go her way and not to sin again - which you Melissannde would describe as "judgmental". Have you even stopped to think that there are other people affected by family breakups? The husband? The children? The fact that marriage breakup in one of the strongest links in the social sciences is linked with crime, delinquency, drug abuse, and the sexual and physical abuse of the children (often by the mother's string of boyfriends)? How come none of these people are deserving of your love? In fact, in the real Christian religion, not this non-judgmental-approve-of-crime-abortion-and-everything version (which actually approves of and encourages maltreatment of others), you might give the children a second thought - oh, let's push the boat out - let's give the children a third thought.... You might remember to show them love too.

[Cindy C 150]

The different colonies had different religious backgrounds. Do I need to explain further? There most certainly were colonists who weren't Deists!!!!!!!!!!! You need a history lesson fo some type. Oh, and some of the early colonists were extremists who did come to America to found cultist colonies.

None of this is of any relevance, but what is of relevance is that it is socially destructive to tell people to leave their families if they feel like it. For a start, you are harming the person you are telling that. How do you know the Original poster will not post in a year's time saying she has left her family, her children don't want anything to do with her, her new boyfriend gave her AIDS and left her, and your advice, Cindy, destroyed her life? Cindy, you are making yourself feel better by trying to destroy MzHawkins' life! I tell it how it is!

Where on earth did you get that? My advise was to work out her problems and attempt to save her marriage!!!!! As for my statement about our forefathers, I was making the point that this nation was not founded on Christianity and is not a Christian society. I suppose since I happen to be Jewish, in your eyes I'm evil and going to Hell. I've got news for you. If Hell exists, I'm sure I'll be seeing YOU when I get there! Take a good look at the world around you....all the strife and war on this planet. Every bit of it is because of religion. I would venture to guess that if there were no religion we would have world peace!

[Awkward customer 5]

Where on earth did you get that? My advise was to work out her problems and attempt to save her marriage!!!!! As for my statement about our forefathers, I was making the point that this nation was not founded on Christianity and is not a Christian society. I suppose since I happen to be Jewish, in your eyes I'm evil and going to Hell. I've got news for you. If Hell exists, I'm sure I'll be seeing YOU when I get there! Take a good look at the world around you....all the strife and war on this planet. Every bit of it is because of religion. I would venture to guess that if there were no religion we would have world peace!

You have taken the subject well off-topic. America **is** a Christian society. it was founded as a society for more than one denomination, as there were various denominations in the various colonies, and so there was no state church like in England, but the founding people were nearly all of Christian heritage. John Jay (one of America's Founding Fathers) in the 2nd federalist paper said:

With equal pleasure I have as often taken notice that Providence has been pleased to give this one connected country to one united people -- a people descended from the same ancestors, speaking the same language, professing the same religion, attached to the same principles of government, very similar in their manners and customs

It is a considerable distortion to claim the USA is not a Christian country. It was founded by European people of Christian heritage, not all of whom believed in all the tenets of Christianity (hence the Deists). America is as Christian a society as Israel is Jewish - not all Israelis believe in the Torah, but it is undoubtedly their heritage - put it that way. Not everyone in China believes in Buddhism, but it is in their heritage, and even if they were to admit many millions of adherents of other religions via immigration, it wouldn't change the fact that China was and ought to be Chinese in heritage.

Cindy, you seem to be stuck in divise identitarian politics. These have nothing to do with this forum, and in fact boil down to hatred of America's mainstream culture. Reading between the lines, you are seething with hatred - and that's not healthy.

[ms.lady 3]

Awkward, Cindy did not take the subject off topic..........YOU did with your very first post...................PLEASE I AM BEGGING PLEASE DONT WRITE ANOTHER THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone gets it you are a Christian with strong beliefs. No matter how much history, different quotes, etc you throw at us we get it.

[Cindy C 150]

Cindy, you seem to be stuck in divise identitarian politics. These have nothing to do with this forum, and in fact boil down to hatred of America's mainstream culture. Reading between the lines, you are seething with hatred - and that's not healthy.

WOW!!! You really have me figured out! LMAO!!

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. -First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution

[RedheadGirl 2]

There is a huge difference in speaking the truth in love and speaking the truth in harshness.... Jesus always spoke in love. Awkward, I don't think you realize how harsh you have come across.

[Awkward customer 5]

WOW!!! You really have me figured out! LMAO!!

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. -First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution

I have unsubscribed from notifications from this thread due to politically motivated provocations from Cindy. But noticing this - another deliberate distortion - I have to say - read it. Then read it again. Then read it gain. It says Congress. Cindy have you heard of the US Congress. Do you know what it is? Congress means Congress. It should be straightforward. That Amendment says Congress. What is unclear about that?

The amendment is about what the US Congress can do. I suppose you don't even know that some states - (the states are not the US Congress - do you know the difference? do I have to labor and belabor and belabor it - the states are not the US Congress - the US Congress is a federal body - the state bodies are state bodies - do i have to repeat this further?) had established churc hes until well into the 1830s. See this link for a list. See note 4: "Until 1877 the New Hampshire Constitution required members of the State legislature to be of the Protestant religion." See note 5: "The North Carolina Constitution of 1776 disestablished the Anglican church, but until 1835 the NC Constitution allowed only Protestants to hold public office. From 1835–1876 it allowed only Christians (including Catholics) to hold public office. "

The USA was a collage of states that had rights (states rights), and had their cultures and traditions going back to the early 1600s, and the constitution was designed to allow very different states to cooperate together in a union. Some of the states had laws (laws that were not unconstitutional - as the First Amendment refers to the Federal Congress) that specifically discriminated against non-Christians until at least as late as the 1870s. The fact that the US Congress could not establish eg the Congregationalists, or the Presbyterians, or the Episcopalians as the state church for the whole USA allowed Christians of various denominations to enjoy the union - America was until the 1960s almost exclusively (95%+) populated by people of Christian religion/heritage, but they didn't war with each other on the exact version of christianity. The states were allowed to enact their own laws on the subject.

Cindy, if your ancestors came to a country that was almost wholly Christian, it was incumbent on them and you to fit in.

[ms.lady 3]

Cindy I'm begging please don't entertain him. I didn't even read the last two!!

[Cindy C 150]

Actually, my ancestors came here in 1609. But you're right, ms. lady. Having a battle of wits with an unarmed man is beginning to bore me!

[sam3841 57]

If you actually knew anything about the founding fathers you would know that the majority of them did not believe in Christainty. ( Thomas Jefferson who wrote the majority of the constitution was an atheist). The best religion is one that is never spoken about. We in modern society and thank what thing you want to. In countries were divorce is illegal spousal abuse is as high as 90% ( predominately in the middle east.

I really hate people like you who can't comprehend the idea of civil rights ( that the government's duty is to protect the rights of all its people not just the ones who cling to old superstition)

It's my body and my life. I have right to do with it what I please and you should mind your own business. Oh and a fetus is not alive, it hits no definitions of life used in science. It is a parasite by definition.

So next time you want to speak realize there are other opinions than your narrow minded stance and like your mama should have told you if you have something nice ( or intelligent ) to say don't say anything at all.

[isit5yet 37]

I'm sure the Topic Starter would appreciate if the morality and religious lessons were kept to yourself. Especially, since this this thread is not located under the Religion section of this forum. If the OP was looking for spiritual advice or guidance, I believe she'd post in that part of the board. Let me also point out that you:

1. Judge

2. Suggest suicide, "Why don't you just throw yourself under a bus?"

3. Let's be really blunt here. If we're made in G-d's image, and you seem to want everyone to know how perfectly Christian you are, isn't against G-d's will to alter the body? You know, with a LapBand. Just saying

Glass houses are shaky and super hot in the summer. It appears your "support" is shattered and melting. Move along, nothing to see here. Please quit picking on the OP.

No. MzHawkins, you are in the wrong here. You live in a Christian society, and the church has taught for 2000 years that marriage is for life. Now over the past 50 years or so the church has been adapting to secular values, and many pastors will not openly tell you that divorce is wrong. But it is.

You are the problem. You are 100% in the wrong, and you are trying to rely on political correctness to get out of it. Many people here will not tell you what you are planning is evil. My heart bleeds for your husband who has supported you while you were fat, and suddenly, now you're thinner, you want to find a new model. And the 18 years of marriage? And the children? Do you even give a damn about your children?

The correct Christian way is not to tell you that doing evil is right; it is to tell you not to do evil. You made a commitment to your husband and children. Stand by it. I don't know why divorce is legal in the modern world - it seems the politicians are trying to encourage weaker families - and the result is misery all round. You might even find that your children, with a good deal of justification, never go near you again after betraying your husband and breaking your marriage vows.

You seem to think someone telling you not to do the wrong thing is nasty. You have it all wrong. What you are proposing is evil - pure evil. It is the right thing to tell you that. You could end up a lonely old woman whose children never approach her - and I cannot say that you would not deserve that fate.

I am male not female. What makes you think all posters are female? But I refuse to relativise moral values so far that dumping your husband and kids who have stood by you when you were unsightly becomes "relativised". Why don't you just throw yourself under a bus? It would be kinder on all involved. You are proposing spoiling your husband and children's lives simply because you think now you are thinner you deserve better. If I were your pastor I would tell you you could not take Communion until you repented.

You said: "I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together". OK, do that. If you're expecting me to be non-judgmental about evil, you are quite wrong. I expect you are one of these American women who has had countless abortions and expects to do whatever she likes no matter who is hurt. If it feels good - do it - no matter how evil.