Lap Band and Divorce

[Mzhawkins 1]

@ Bay LOL!!! Thanks!

[roziecakes 20]

I am sorry that you are upset. From the short time I've been on this board, most people are very supportive and helpful and I really hope that you stay and participate some more. I sincerely hope that all goes well with you and your husband!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

Awkward..... this is a friendly site and people come here to ask questions about what is going on in their lives......... NOT to get Bible beat by someone who is consumed by what the "bible says"..... The Bible also says it's ok to own slaves and be a polygamous...... is that ok?

So, save your religion for your Sunday worship.... this is not the place.

[ms.lady 3]

My first reaction to Mzhawkins post was that she is kinda wrong to lose weigh and then want to separate from her husband of 18 year after. Everyone has his/her own opinion. While I understand you have a strong faith Awkward, you really went to far with this post. You could have approached this very differently, it was distasteful and disrepectful!

No. MzHawkins, you are in the wrong here. You live in a Christian society, and the church has taught for 2000 years that marriage is for life. Now over the past 50 years or so the church has been adapting to secular values, and many pastors will not openly tell you that divorce is wrong. But it is.

You are the problem. You are 100% in the wrong, and you are trying to rely on political correctness to get out of it. Many people here will not tell you what you are planning is evil. My heart bleeds for your husband who has supported you while you were fat, and suddenly, now you're thinner, you want to find a new model. And the 18 years of marriage? And the children? Do you even give a damn about your children?

The correct Christian way is not to tell you that doing evil is right; it is to tell you not to do evil. You made a commitment to your husband and children. Stand by it. I don't know why divorce is legal in the modern world - it seems the politicians are trying to encourage weaker families - and the result is misery all round. You might even find that your children, with a good deal of justification, never go near you again after betraying your husband and breaking your marriage vows.

You seem to think someone telling you not to do the wrong thing is nasty. You have it all wrong. What you are proposing is evil - pure evil. It is the right thing to tell you that. You could end up a lonely old woman whose children never approach her - and I cannot say that you would not deserve that fate.

I am male not female. What makes you think all posters are female? But I refuse to relativise moral values so far that dumping your husband and kids who have stood by you when you were unsightly becomes "relativised". Why don't you just throw yourself under a bus? It would be kinder on all involved. You are proposing spoiling your husband and children's lives simply because you think now you are thinner you deserve better. If I were your pastor I would tell you you could not take Communion until you repented.

You said: "I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together". OK, do that. If you're expecting me to be non-judgmental about evil, you are quite wrong. I expect you are one of these American women who has had countless abortions and expects to do whatever she likes no matter who is hurt. If it feels good - do it - no matter how evil.

[Rachel412 116]

Why don't you just throw yourself under a bus? It would be kinder on all involved. You are proposing spoiling your husband and children's lives simply because you think now you are thinner you deserve better. If I were your pastor I would tell you you could not take Communion until you repented.

You said: "I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together". OK, do that. If you're expecting me to be non-judgmental about evil, you are quite wrong. I expect you are one of these American women who has had countless abortions and expects to do whatever she likes no matter who is hurt. If it feels good - do it - no matter how evil.

Awkward indeed. I never knew that abortions felt good. I'm learning so much today!

[Awkward customer 5]

Awkward..... this is a friendly site and people come here to ask questions about what is going on in their lives......... NOT to get Bible beat by someone who is consumed by what the "bible says"..... The Bible also says it's ok to own slaves and be a polygamous...... is that ok?

So, save your religion for your Sunday worship.... this is not the place.

No, religion is not just about Sunday worship. In fact, Sunday worship is the least important aspect of it. It's about how you lead your life, so it is relevant at all times. If we continue down the route of everyone feeling entitled to do whatever they want and feeling no sense of duty to others, we will create an awful society. It's about that and not about singing hymns on a Sunday.

[ms.lady 3]

Well put!

Awkward..... this is a friendly site and people come here to ask questions about what is going on in their lives......... NOT to get Bible beat by someone who is consumed by what the "bible says"..... The Bible also says it's ok to own slaves and be a polygamous...... is that ok?

So, save your religion for your Sunday worship.... this is not the place.

[ms.lady 3]

Mzhawkins,

I know you said that you are not going to reply any longer. But if you are still reading the post, just discuss how you feel with your husband. And pray about it. Please dont allow this Awkward person to still your joy. Maybe take a weekend of peace and just really think about where you are and where you truly want to be..........BE HAPPY!!

roziecakes and mom I just want to thank you for not being so judgmental. I am human! sorry that i had to seem so rude in my post but I don't think that putting someone else down because of your views is right. @ Mom your post was very helpful. Sorry you had to go through so much before you learned. But sometimes our past can make us better people.

Thanks again everyone for your replies. I will not reply back any further because I am very upset now and i really shouldn't be for just asking a question. I have taken everything in that was said. Have a great day!

[trish151 33]

Ms.Hawkins, I think akward's intentions were good. My sister was married to her high school sweetheart for 34 years and after she had many, many health problems, he cheated on her and left her for a 24 year old that lived next door. I can tell you that when someone get's a divorce, everyone bleeds with hurt. Thank you for sharing your concerns on here. I am sure that was not easy. My first husband also left me right after my mom committed suicide. I agree with akward that some people just think other people are disposable. However, everybody goes through changes and it's part of life and you just have to work through it.........even when it sucks and you don't know what to do about it. Me and my husband talked a lot before my surgery about the reasons I put the weight on in the first place. It was really hard for me to admit to him that my weight helped keep people away. My husband said he couldn't understand that because he loved my personality and thought that I was beautiful. He is also really thin and didn't understand how it helped me hide. We also talked about how and why I wanted things to change and we discussed if I thought I would be happy with him when I got to a point where I wanted to be. I think it is natural for a partner to ponder that question when the other initiates any kind of change. I understand where you are coming from. It has most likely taken all of us a lot of strength to go through with surgery and decide something in our lives has got to change. For me, the more I drop my weight, the more I am thankful for my husband. I am getting more attention from other men and this time it is not as scary. Sometimes I just look at my wedding band and remember how blessed I am. I bought a new night gown the other day because the other one was just old and ratty and now to big (woo hoo). My husband commented the minute that I stepped out of the bathroom. I can also tell you though that I thank him constantly for all of his support and the more I do, the more he does it. I hope you can find a way to let your husband be a part of the new you. Talk to him about your feelings and let you talk to you about his. Fortunately, my husband is the great communicator in our marriage and he has taught me that talking through things can stir emotions that neither of us may know we have but if we don't talk them out, we will definitely act them out. Keep swimming sunshine! This too shall pass.

God please help us all to be mindful that we are never so tall as when we lift someone else up.

[roziecakes 20]

God please help us all to be mindful that we are never so tall as when we lift someone else up.

Beautiful quote!!! I love it!

[ms.lady 3]

Trish, beautifully said! Mzhawkins said that she was too upset to reply any longer. But I am going to thank you for her. I was really moved by your post. I hope to find the kind of love that you and your husband seem to share. Best wishes on your weigh loss journey and many blessings.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

No, religion is not just about Sunday worship. In fact, Sunday worship is the least important aspect of it. It's about how you lead your life, so it is relevant at all times. If we continue down the route of everyone feeling entitled to do whatever they want and feeling no sense of duty to others, we will create an awful society. It's about that and not about singing hymns on a Sunday.

That is all well and good..... but this is not "Bible time".... take it some where else. If it makes you feel better, when you go to your next Prayer meeting talk about it there..................Follow the Bible and stop Judging..... Step down from the soap box...

Just an FYI: there is a high rate of divorce among-est people who get WLS............ I'm not condoning it, in fact, my input was to "stay put", but we are not her and we don't walk in her shoes.... This is a support site.

[Cindy C 150]

OMG!!!! I just came across this thread and read every post. (OK I skimmed the ones I found hard to stomach!)

MZ, You are clearly in turmoil. I have found along my journey that it's not only the body that changes. The mind goes through changes as well. For years I had the self confidence of a flea. The more weight I lost and the more attention and compliments I received, the more that changed. I still have a hard time believing the happy, confident person I've become. Even though I was divorced many years before my lap band, I can completely understand your thought process. You are going through so many changes and are confused about what the future does and should hold for you. I suggest you send the kids to Grandma's for the weekend and take your husband to a nice quiet hotel where you have no distractions and have a heart to heart with him. Lay all of your cards on the table and work out whatever you need to work out. You have alot invested in your marriage and I would hate to see you throw that away when you aren't really sure what it is you want. Good luck to you , whatever you decide.

Awkward, there is absolutely nothing in this world that I hate more than a holy roller who attempts to shove their religious values down the throats of others. FYI, we DO NOT live in a Christian society. The only people who think we do are you and your like. Check your history books. Our forefathers came to this land to escape religious persecution not to create it. They were not Christians, they were Deists! If you don't know what that is.....look it up!

We are here to help each other not to insult each other. If you can't offer up anything constructive then don't comment at all.

[RedheadGirl 2]

WOW, I didn't even read through all these posts.... However, I wanted to add a reply. Mzhawkins, good for you for being honest and reaching out and asking for opinions on your thoughts. BEFORE anyone condemns her and judges her notice that these are THOUGHTS and not actions yet. I think sometimes people have strong reactions over things they themselves struggle with..... a though. I believe that if we were all honest with ourselves and posted our true honest thoughts and feelings would we all still be sitting here judging each other? I think it's probably TOTALLY normal to have atleast SOME thoughts of what it would be like with another person besides our partner at one time or another. If you haven't had that THOUGHT yet, you may one day. I think it's BRAVE of you to be so open and seek advice on your thoughts mzhawkins and I don't think you should leave because of one persons harsh judgements.

With all that, here is what happened to me in the same month that I got my lapband. I asked my husband for a divorce after 4 years of seperation. AND get this.... I serve and live my life for the Lord Jesus Christ! Yep, I'm a Christian. I live everyday for the Lord and follow him. Soooo before you jump on me and judge me let me say that YES there are times when the Lord allows for a divorce, and please don't quote me scripture of how God hates divorce because I've heard it PLENTY of times in my church. I left my husband because of abuse and he wouldn't stop so with that said, end of story and no need for any further discussion. BUT I wanted to say that my lapband and my divorce both happened in the month of June and this is a NEW START to a new life for me in MANY ways.

[Awkward customer 5]

Our forefathers came to this land to escape religious persecution not to create it. They were not Christians, they were Deists! If you don't know what that is.....look it up!

The different colonies had different religious backgrounds. Do I need to explain further? There most certainly were colonists who weren't Deists!!!!!!!!!!! You need a history lesson fo some type. Oh, and some of the early colonists were extremists who did come to America to found cultist colonies.

None of this is of any relevance, but what is of relevance is that it is socially destructive to tell people to leave their families if they feel like it. For a start, you are harming the person you are telling that. How do you know the Original poster will not post in a year's time saying she has left her family, her children don't want anything to do with her, her new boyfriend gave her AIDS and left her, and your advice, Cindy, destroyed her life? Cindy, you are making yourself feel better by trying to destroy MzHawkins' life! I tell it how it is!