Struggling within myself....

[Myzz_Courtney 0]

It has been almost 7 months post-op for me and I must say that it has been a rough go. When I first got banded I lost 20Lbs in the first 2 weeks and maybe 15 since then...I've always struggled with my weight, my heaviest was 349 back in 2005 when I was only 19 yrs old. With a bad report from the doctor I immediately changed my lifestyle as far as eating and exercising. and within that year I lost 60lbs. These last 5 years I've really been struggling with my will power and determination. I've always been an emotional eater and it seems like the last few years has given me a lot of emotion. After having the LB surgery i felt confident and when I finally decided to go with the surgery no way was I gonna mess this up or fail. And it just seems like that's what I'm doing is failing EVERY single day. My plans were to start this new year off with a drive that I once had but once again LIFE happens and this time LIFE was taken away from me. I lost my only sibling, my older brother 29 yrs old only 4 years older than me, we were close than ever to a very TRAGIC HORRIFIC BRUTAL accident on December 30, 2010. Two months later I still can't grab a hold of myself. I can't focus on this Lap-Band, I'm working against it...I'm full and I still eat...the same stuff I struggled with pre-op...Counseling really isn't working for me because my emotions are worry-free in there but when I'm home they come back. I REALLY want to do this and be successful with this surgery....I don't want to be a failure anymore...I have ALL the tools I need and I know how to use them, I just don't know how to keep my willpower/motivation for a WHOLE 24 hours. If you guys have any kind of suggestions PLEASE feel free to respond. My 26th birthday is coming up April 12th and I really want to be 10 to 20lbs smaller, if there are any Michigan Bandsters please contact me...I know I have family support to try to deal with the loss of my brother but I don't have anyone who knows personally what I'm going through with this Lap-band...

[happygirl65 5]

My deepest and most heartfelt condolences. It is so hard to lose someone we love. I recently lost a family member too and it is always hard to deal with it. I will think ...today I can deal and have a normal day...and then something happens that reminds me...sigh. So sad. I am sending you virtual hugs.

What I would like to say is that every single day we make choices to move forward. To continue breathing, to get out of bed and face the day. Our loved ones that have passed would want us to go on, and do everything we can to continue to live our lives and treasure the gift we have been given of our precious lives. We still have the choice to make the most of it each and everyday. You have to love yourself enough to know that you are worth the effort no matter how hard it is.

I would also ask your therapist about possible anti-depressant meds. It really can help especially when you have suffered a tragic loss. So consider that...but if you decide not to, then just do the best you can to take good care of yourself....start with one new thing a week....this week I will sleep 8 to 9 hrs a night....every single day this week, and when you master that....this week I will drink my 6 full glasses of Water....and when you have mastered that pick something new like cutting out processed foods again, exercising etc. Baby steps is a sure way to make things stick, just start out with the easy things and let those successes help you gain momentum and motivation.

Every tiny thing every single day will help you get where you want to go. It's all worth it. The very first step is beleiving in yourself and willing yourself to move forward even when it's painful to do so.

I wish you every happiness and success. (((HUGS)))

[LosingItAll 49]

Every day is a new day. Don't beat yourself up. It is tough. I too am an emotional eater, and have had some slip ups. You can do it. YOU can do it. Believe in yourself. It is tough - many of us struggle daily. Try to do something instead of eating (like walking or riding a bike etc. it is a diversion technique that will help some). You still need to talk to your therapist about your emotional issues but try watching NewToy4KT or banded wendy on youtube...they are so motivational to me (both have lost a ton of weight with LapBand and both look and feel great -- they help me when I have lost my direction). Talk to your doctor and join a support group if there is one in your area.

Also, I have found that avoiding carbs dramatically improves my weight loss - so avoiding carbs for a few days can give you a boost on the scale...

Good luck to you!

[trish151 33]

Courtney, I understand what you are going through. Sometimes the whole world will come against you when you are trying to do something to turn your life around. I know this all to well. I have only been banded a few days now but the struggle with my weight has been a long time. I am sorry to hear about your brother but I know how the loss can have an effect on your eating. about 7 years ago my mother committed suicide. My youngest sister then tried to commit suicide. I lost two grandfather's and a grandmother the same year and as the year was coming to an end, my first husband walks in one day and says that he can't take the drama of all the deaths in my life and he wanted a divorce. In addition to my agony, I lost a lot of friends during that time. I didn't know why at the time but now I understand that I had so much come against me that many of my friends just didn't know what to say to me. Some where just worried that they would say the wrong things so they just stayed away. That left me with my unstable emotions and my eating. The stress of it all ended up causing me to have some health problems and I ended up being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I thought the medicine they gave me would be the magic answer but it wasn't.

Long story short, I have spent the last couple of years soul searching and the conclusion is that I have to focus on taking care of me. I took a year to really read and study my bible to find out what it says about me. All my life, I have taken care of other people and what little time was left over, I would do something for myself. Usually I would reward myself with some sort of food treat. That made me feel better until it didn't. It didn't work any more when I couldn't wear the clothes I wanted to wear. It didn't work any more when I couldn't get the job I wanted because I knew they were concerned about my weight. It didn't work any more when I got remarried to a wonderful and supportive husband but sex as an issue for me because I was ashamed of my body. Then I would have the other things that went with that. You know, how you fail to loose a pound even though you have been trying really hard to watch what you eat all week and so once you get on the scales, the day is shot and you are permenantly depressed for the rest of the day and wonder why you even bother.

I decided to have the lap band because it is time for me to face the elephant in the room (me). I have to make me a priority no matter what. I posted this on another post but I will repeat it. I have to let joy fill my heart and I have to start celebrating my life instead of being so filled with dread that I wait for the next devastating thing to happen. I take time now to Celebrate everything. I have walked around my house for the past few days just a giggling because I got my band. This was such a blessing for me. I don't care it it takes me 2 months to loose a half a pound. I set my goals short in front of me. My last goal was to weight 252. This morning I was 251.4 and so I celebrated by taking my Vitamins and doing a little "I did it" dance. I am choosing to allow myself to feel good no matter what goes on around me. I Celebrate going to bed on time. I celebrated tonight taking a pea size bite of the pizza sauce that was on my husband's pizza. I celebrated today because I got off my pain meds and I walked 30K steps on my pedomiter. I celebrated getting out of the house for the first time since my surgery and going to the grocery store.

There are still crazy things going on around me. I just found out last month that my son's father went missing. The police believe he was murdered but cannot find the body yet. I also got a call a few months ago from my oldest sister that her husband is divorcing her after 25 years of marriage and she was newly diagnosed with steriod induced type 1 diabetes. I also miss my mother dearly as I am sure you are grieving your brother. The thing I have to remember every day is that I have to celebrate my victories even as I encourage those around me. I was mad at my mom and other's for dying and leaving me but how can I fault them for going to a place that we are all living to get to one day ourselves. I still my mother's around me from time to time and I am saddened by the things going on in the lives of those I love. All I can do is encourage them to celebrate their victories along their path in life. It's the victories that make it all worth while but if we never celebrate it then we live in a really dark world. Sunshine, I encourage you to take as much time as you need to to grieve the loss of your brother. Then put a smile on your face and celebrate your band and the progress you have made. If you and your brother were close then I am sure that he would want you to get back on this horse and carry on girl. Life is so short. Make your next goal a pound under where you are today and when you reach it sometime later in the week. Put a big smile on your face and do that "yes" dance. Yes, I did it and yes I can keep going. If you have to live from moment to moment, Live from moment to moment. Best of luck to you.

[thsisme 14]

Everyone well said. My heart and prayers out to all of us who have lost someone dear to us. Trish said it best, Celebrate each step in life no matter how small, take in time to grieve, start to move however slowly and...dance. ...

[peacequeen 434]

I've been so busy focusing on my past, it's been hard to see my future. I've posted this before but I haven't gotten alot of responses to several of my posts,,maybe I bore people or I'm too sad? I lost my parents in an auto accident and a 24 mth old nephew to drowning. I've developed a bunch of health problems and gained over 100 pounds in the process. I've been so down and out and depressed. All of these things have been stirring in my mind along with alot of personal issues from my childhood. I have had a constant fear of failure because of my eating disorder being due to the fact I am an emotional eater also. It's all been getting in my way of living. I've been self doubting and having the pity party of my life. This post has been exactly what I've needed to hear so thanks to all who have commented. I'm so sorry it's at the expense of Myzz Courtney's post about her brother passing. I'm so very sorry.

But your post was here for a reason..funny that the responses YOU received have really touched me. Trish's post has really made me put some things into perspective. I will wake up tomorrow making some changes. I've been waiting for this moment. Courtney, try to stay focused and know that your brother would want you to live a healthy life. Do this in honor of him! Good luck sweetie, hopefully we can all stick together on here that have emotional problems and issues in our lives.. I know I could use the support.

Feel free to contact me anytime if you want to talk. I think you're doing great really, considering what you've just went through a couple months ago. Sounds to me like you are an amazing person.

[kshallow 9]

Courtney I'm a Michigan bandster!! Thinking about you today as well as those who responded so openly with some tough struggles!! Thank you all for being so open and honest.

[andrea0121 28]

Courtney, I lost my only sibling 3 years ago, my little brother. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. I so empathize with your pain. When I lost my brother, I didn't really turn to food - I drank myself into oblivion that whole summer. Finally, about 7 months later I had enough and started to really tap into the grief. The loss of your brother is sooooo fresh and so raw right now, it's probably super hard to concentrate and focus on what (in normal circumstances) is a tough road (weight loss). Allow yourself time to grieve. Tackle it day by day, DO NOT beat yourself up over not losing weight. Not now. There will be a time when the smoke clears a little bit and you'll feel like a human being again and you'll recognize what you need to do. I promise.

Best of luck to you, sooo sorry for your loss...I totally empathize with you. If you ever need to talk, send me a message. Or find me on Facebook.< /p>

:HUGS:

Me and my brother