Divorce/Split Rates post lap band

[Me3 0]

I wonder what the rate of divorce or split is for bandsters post op. I'm two months post op and all of a sudden wham outta nowhere having to deal with some very serious marriage issues that were not issues pre band or for that matter the last 15 years.

Just curious I suppose.. hoping i'm not alone in this...

::sigh::

[CarrieLynn 0]

I'm sorry your having to deal with these things....

Personally my marriage is still very stable....and behind the scene I feel better about myself!

I'm willing to listen if you just need to vent!

[got2bme566 0]

My cousin had the same issue after her lap band....you are not alone....but i feel your pain and will say a prayer for you....

[tnwhite2001 2]

I've heard of this before, but I'm single so I wouldn't know. Sorry to hear that you're having problems. If you need someone to talk to let me know. I'm always good for a listen.

[elcee 3,343]

Someone I know got banded 2 weeks before me and is currently going through a divorce.Apparently her husband doesn't like skinny women.

[pmitch50 0]

sometimes I feel that the spouse doesnt like the idea that u are doing something good for yourself. It is their insecurities.

[pixistix 1]

A friend underwent gastric bypass two years ago and lost half her body weight. Talking to her about WLS, she told me to expect my husband to experience fear and insecurity as I began to change.

And indeed, he has expressed the fear that I will leave him when I am thin. I think it's healthy to express fears. I tried to reassure him that I wanted to be thinner and healthier so I could do things like go hiking with him, not leave him for someone "better."

[suebydoo70 0]

I've dealt with it myself for quite some time. Hubby fought me tooth and nail not to get the band because he was convinced I'd leave him when I lost the weight. See, he is a very large man...over 400 lbs. I tried convincing him to do the surgery as well, but he has no interest. It wasn't until this past weekend when he actually showed signs of happiness for me, and actually began to compliment me. Unfortunately, I think the rate is a bit high because spouses become so insecure when you become so secure....good luck, and like everyone else said, I am here to talk!

[lellow 1,713]

I have split with my husband of 9 years post banding, tho I'm not entirely sure the weight loss was the biggest contributing factor.

It was a factor in that I became more confident in myself, and what I felt I deserved. He definitely became more insecure, and was noticing the increased attention I was beginning to receive. But in the end, there were issues there to begin with. Issues I had hoped that me losing weight would assist with, but of course, issues often don't get fixed in that way.

I don't know that if I didn't get banded, that it would have saved my marriage. At best, I think I would perhaps have been more prepared to stay unhappily married.

[vikki99 1]

What happen with the meaning " For Better or Worst"??? We all trying to be BETTER for ourselves and our relationship.

[agiudice 0]

yup, 20 lbs in I'm allready dealing with snide remarks, put downs about how i couldnt do this on my own cause i'm lazy etc.....

[Laylas grandma 2]

Almost everybody that I've told that I was having my lapband has said first thing "oh you are gonna get a divorce if you do" they have said it so much that now my husband is starting to wonder about what if it happens. Im 46 and hes turning 50 we have been together since I was 13 and he was 17. LOL I really dont think he has anything to worry about. The way I see it is he stuck with me when I was up to 285 pounds and any husband that can love me at that weight sure deserves me at 140 pounds. ME AND MY BABY THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH THIN!!!

[illuminationlady 7]

And indeed, he has expressed the fear that I will leave him when I am thin. I think it's healthy to express fears. I tried to reassure him that I wanted to be thinner and healthier so I could do things like go hiking with him, not leave him for someone "better."

At first my husband was totally against the band for fear that I'd leave him and also because he said men would "hit" on me. Actually no one in my family wanted me to do it. But my husband was really against it. I did it any way and now he is thrilled with the results. I guess he had to see for himself that I won't leave or go astray. It isn't even discussed any more. Now he compliments me all the time. I'd even go as far to say he's a bit nicer. I do think that the divorce rate is higher for us post banders. Think about a heavy set woman or man trapped in a loveless or abusive relationship. That person drops the weight and the spouse much more easily than if they were to remain heavy. They get their self confidence back and a whole lot more! It will be interesting to read this thread though and hear all the stories! Best wishes!!1

[NurseShay 24]

Not married but in a long term relationship. In the begining a lot of the few I told about the band were against it for various reasons. My mom totally supported me on it but now I feel has made it a competition! She first lost over 100lbs on her own & maintained for 10yrs and has been recently gaining a little. Now with my results starting to show she's been wanting to make sure she stays thinner than me, sounds odd but I think it was a confidence booster for her to be thinner than all her daughters. I think its nice tho to have someone challenge me, keeps me focused. (Have to look on the positive side of situations!) My bf on the other hand has always made comments about me potentially leaving once I hit goal and told me stories about knowing other women who started dressing 'slutty' and partying a lot or straying after weight loss. I let him know that's certainly not my intentions but I do hope for & expect to be able to wear better clothes & feel more confident & do more. I'm in my 20's & never once felt comfortable in crowds always being the biggest one in the room. It would be amazing to not be the punchline when I walk in a club. I can definitely hear the insecurity in him now but I keep him involved & always plan the future with him so he can see my loyalty. Everyone needs reassurance sometimes. 'Fat me' & 'thin me' will have different personalities I'm sure bc fat me felt a bit unworthy & insecure so I expect some rough days ahead with people who knew me only as 350+ having to adjust. On the upside my bf does compliment me & encourage me to do whatever makes me happy as long as I don't become 'too skinny'!

But yes it seems those I knew who have always been smaller than me feel threatened & a few of the ones I bonded with bc we're both heavy can come across resentful. But personally this is about me, my life, health & happiness and I'm just going to keep on full speed ahead despite others opinions. Overall best we can hope for is peoples support & tolerance. It does help to put yourself in their position tho from time to time & reassure them as most of know what its like to feel insecure. And I definitely agree wt loss does help those trapped in abusive/loveless relationships get the confidence they need to move on!

[khunt719 2]

My common-law husband was totally against me getting the band. He saw my mother almost die from it but her's slipped. So he wasn't excited for me but in time he has come around. He was worried because it was major surgery and he wouldn't know what to do if he lost me (how sweet). He is pushing for me to lose weight now because he can understand how much pain my body was in at 270 lbs. He has seen me go from 200 to 270 and back to 226 now. He went with me for my fill yesterday and that was nice because he and the doctor got a chance to talk since they hadn't in months.

He gets tired of me weighing myself at every chance I get but for the most part he is happy for me. food is my life and my life revolves around food so he has had to adjust to it and that has led to some fights but for the most part we are still very much in love with each other. I feel for people who's partner is so insecure that they can't lend an encouraging hand or say nice things to them. If I were you I would try and deal with the issues I had and then if it doesn't get any better there are always more fish in the sea. Life is too long to be unhappy and to short when you are in love. I'm here if you need to talk.