So my wife is pissed......

[RavenClaw779 2]

I'm going to come at this from a different angle. Your wife is an ADULT. You are her spouse, not her PARENT. This is her journey and other than expressing your opinion it is not your job to act as her guardian, gate-keeper, nanny or enabler. To battle one's weight and reach the decision to have surgery is tough enough. To accept that there will be pitfalls and stumbles along the way is to accept that one is human - to expect to be perfect and live in a world of "I never" is expecting too much of anyone.

[Cocoabean 430]

Yes, she is an adult, and when they got home, she could have gotten in the car and gone to McDonald's if she wanted the fries that badly.

My question to the OP, did she ask you for your support during all this? I would think tht she did.

My husband would have done exactly the same during my pre-op had I asked him to stop. I told him the rules of my pre-op diet, and I asked him for support. Support is refusing to help me give in to temptation.

He would not have taken my keys away if I were going to drive myself. But he certainly would not stop if he were driving and I asked him to go through the drive-thru. I'd have been angry at the time, but I would have later realized he was supporting me--just as I'd asked him to do.

The only person who gets hurt by cheating is the cheating person. If her liver does not shrink enough for the surgeon to be comfortable, she may not get her band. I have read of folk going under anesthesia expecting to wake up with bands and waking up with just scars and no bands because their surgeons did not like the looks of the liver.

So, it is up to the wife, how badly does she want her band, and how badly does she want to succeed.

If she is a true grazer of junk food, perhaps the band isn't the best choice?

My two cents worth.

[Journey482 0]

I understand the poster who said the first few days are "withdrawal," but I don't necessarily agree. In the beginning you're so revved up and READY, I didn't think about cheating then. I was so relieved to be just two weeks pretop!! That isn't to say I didn't cheat a bit on the postop "liver shrink" I was on... although I'm a sweets freak, I didn't want anything like that, nothing deep fried. I absolutely CRAVED Tomato Soup and a salad! My two weeks preop consisted of a Slim-Fast for Breakfast, one for lunch, then a Lean Cuisine/Healthy Choice for dinner. So towards the end of my two weeks, I finally swapped out the Healthy Choice for Tomato Soup and a salad - still relatively healthy (compared to McDonald's fries!). The NP at my surgeon's office said if I felt like I had to have something different, the soup and salad were good choices.

I would wonder, too, about your wife's commitment to this surgery. It won't make her thin; she is going to have to work hard at this. There is a lot of time, money, and though the surgery is safe, there are always risks. Though eventually we move on to "regular" foods, we will always have to practice Portion Control, healthy choices - a life change for me, and most of us (or we wouldn't be here).

I didn't have to lose a certain amount of weight before surgery, but if I had gained (especially during that two-week strict preop diet) my surgeon would have been postponed the procedure. You could always give in to her requests, let her do what she wants the next two weeks, and let her pay the consequences her final preop visit.

[MrMom 0]

Apparently humor doesn't show itself very well in a typed message. My wife is well aware of what I mentioned on here. I even asked her to read what peoples replys were. As for wondering how she'd feel, perhaps you could ask her yourself. texanchick24

[stargate713 0]

Sorry MrMom.....I didn't get the joke <my bad> as my kids would say. I only wish you and your wife the best and much success in both of your journeys.

[anglov 0]

Ok, I have full respect for you to be on here living this journey with and for your wife. Not many would come on this site to seek help or advice for a spouse going through this. Props to you.

I would NEVER question her sincerity or committment to the surgery. Go days without solid food and see how sweet and good natured you are. I gaurantee you will think a lot about food. I expect to when I am on full liquids. Heck, I think about food when I am dieting anyway. You may not cheat but honestly who doesn't at least think about it. I mean isn't that why we are here? Diets didn't work and I would guess most had a cheat or two.

So your wife asked. You declined to keep her on track and one day she will realize that and hopefully thank you. If she doesn't then take pride that you were that supportative. Would my husband get McDonald's for me? Probably but then again you wouldn't see him on here seeking advice or help on what to do for me.

[montynic 1]

Good job in supporting your wife through her journey rather than enabling her craving for french fries. I'm sure the day will come when she realizes you did this because you love her and want her to be successful. Weight loss is a process, and I doubt this will be the last time she is tempted to "cheat" or asks you to stop and get her something unhealthy. In those moments, I would remind her of how important the surgery is to her and, by extension, how important her success is to you, and that you do not want to see her jeopardize her weight loss.

I never cheated on my 3-week pre-op diet, but I have come to believe I am one of the rare individuals that actually enjoyed the pre-op diet. Mine consisted of 3 Protein shakes (milk with Isopure powder) per day, one serving of sugarfree Jello pudding (with Protein powder added to it), and unlimited broth if I ever got hungry (which I never did). I felt great and had lots of energy, my skin and hair were shiny, and I lost almost 30 lbs.

[AnneGG 0]

Thanks for supporting your wife by standing for her commitment to the surgery and her weight loss! That took guts! My husband does the same thing for me; I don't like it at the time when he says no, but am I grateful to him! I treasure having a relationship in which we each are stands for the others larger commitments. No, we aren't each others parents; we are each others partners and teammates!

[ChicagoWinter 0]

I also think it is great that you are helping your wife through a difficult time. Pre-op can be extremely difficult...most people have to make such drastic changes and it is hard to adjust.

One word of caution, though, be careful not to let yourself be pushed into the role of "food Police". Supporting each other (as you said you are on the road to surgery too) is one thing...but getting angry at each other over food is something else. Everyone has moments of weakness, and it is fantastic to have someone to lean on. However, being asked for support and then having an argument because you are giving that support seems wrong. Ultimately, it is your wife that needs to be accountable to herself to be successful...not be accountable to you or anyone else.

Good luck to you both! :smile2:

[RavenClaw779 2]

Ditto - Chicago Winter! My husband is becoming a bit of a "Food Cop"...I'm on to real food in prep for the first fill and he felt the need to eye my tiny tablespoons of Easter supper to gauge the texture then later to question whether I should be "eating that" - Activa yogurt I'd blended with Protein Powder and shoved in the freezer with a popsicle stick(doable but not great)! Yes, I know he cares but really - If I can handle a jury trial, I can handle the commitment to my new lifestyle. Yes, I will be tempted and I might even ask my husband to "be strong for me" and lead out of temptation's path - but please don't talk to me like you're talking to our five-year-old niece about why we don't eat a chocolate bunny before supper!:smile2:

[Cocoabean 430]

It's funny, Jax, for me, it was the opposite, my hubby felt he was my food police before my surgery. Since then he says, you've been so successful, I figure you know what you are doing now.

We had some doozy arguments over food before. He has never been a chow hound. I could eat him under the table, and I always got hungry hours before he did.

He always felt that if he weren't hungry, then I should not be hungry. If he were hungry, then I could eat.

Through this process he has seen that now I am eating when I need food, and I am eating what my body needs. He is now OK with my needs and choices. It is soooooo nice!

[RavenClaw779 2]

CocoaBean - Sure we're not married to the same man?:thumbup:

My husband is 6'1'' and 220 - solid muscle. He can go all day on a bowl of Cereal and then eat an enormous dinner - never really gains more than a few pounds. He never got that because I am a DM2 that I have to keep my blood sugar level and after a few unpleasant episodes of hypoglycemia I made sure I always had glucose tabs and a Protein Bar in my purse. Like your husband, mine somehow believes that if he's not hungry neither am I. Now with the lap-band, he somehow believes that I am not supposed to ever be hungry and really don't need to eat - at all...ever...

This weekend he insisted we needed to shoot up to Lowe's to look at some cabinets for a kitchen remodel and swore we'd only be gone an hour. I was still on soft foods(i.e, no Protein bar fall back) It was 10:30am - I'd had breakfast at 9:30am - figured I was safe. When we got home at 4pm I had a raging headache and upset stomach(glucose tabs can only hold you so long) - he couldn't figure out why I was pissed off, "I thought the band made it so you didn't have to eat?!" :thumbdown:

[Cocoabean 430]

JaxNole,

Def NOT the same man, but very similar! Mine is 5'9" and 175! NOT solid muscle either...Teehee!

Oh my gosh, I'd have flipped out to go that long without food. I can so relate to the headache! Poor you! I'd have been demanding a side trip to a smoothie place, or telling him I'd be back after going to get one, or SOMETHING.

Hopefully it will get better with time, as it has here! He's really great about things now. Even when I have a problem with pilot error and get something stuck. He is very understanding and supportive. Total turn around from my pre-band days!

[Laura Lane 0]

good for you, for not wanting to stop at mcdonalds!!! she´ll get over it plus she´ll thank you as soon as she starts losing weight:thumbup:

[btrieger 21]

Congrats on doing the right thing MrMom.

I am personally insulted every time I see somebody try to justify their cheating by saying, "everybody cheats". Like the others that have stated here, I did not cheat one crumb on my 3 week pre-op or 2 week post-op diets.