Why Tell Anyone?

[HAL380 0]

Hello again

2nd post today.

I am a very private person, and I don't think I will be telling anyone, other than the wife that I will have, or had the band.

Who wants to hear about my "Operation" anyway.

I mention this because when reading the post op forum, someone was heartbroken because of a thoughtless comment from a co-worker.

Maybe I will do a poll

Regards

Hal

Edited March 1, 2010 by HAL380
Not needed

[june09bandit 0]

I've only told people that I am positive will offer me support. I need a little support, but I don't need a lot of questions from busy-bodies nor harsh judgements.

This is really a very personal decision. Only you know what's right for you.

I did tell my boss - how else could I explain all the time off for fills and one untimely unfill? I was sure to tell him that I wanted it to remain a private issue.

Good luck in your journey!

[adagray 1]

I've told everyone, but I have always been very open about talking about my struggle w/weight, diet, health, exercise, etc. Its been a lifelong challenge for me and everyone who knows me knows that cause I talk about it all the time. So, it would be odd if I just suddenly lost all this weight and got healthy and suddenly stopped talking about it. Plus, I like the support. Yes, I get the negative comment thrown in here and there (mostly if I share w/acquaintances), but if you decide to tell, you gotta take the good w/the bad. I believe its a very personal decision whether you feel comfortable telling or not telling. There are pros and cons both ways and there's no way to 'untell' so if anyone is unsure about whether they want to tell, I say wait.

[bigbirney 3]

I told everyone. In the last year my Father and a few friends and I sat and talked about doing it. It hurts to hear, but when its done out of love and concern it can be empowering. For many of us food is an issue that has to be addressed, and part of the therapy for me is loving myself. Most of us have been made fun of, and told we are less than human forever. Now is the time for me to give everyone the finger and love myself first.

Tell as many people as you are comfortable with. I have gotten so much support from everyone I have told, so it has made me want to talk about it more.

[btrieger 21]

I too am a very independent, private person but I'm not keeping it a secret. If anybody asks me about it, I will be more than happy to tell them. Especially other fat people, but only if they ask.

[abandnewday 0]

At first I thought I would only tell my wife. But as time goes on and the closer I got to surgery I let a few select people in on my decision. Now that I am post-op I feel more open to the idea of sharing but if and only if it could be done in a positive and supportive way. I will not let everyone in on my personal health decisions but a few more people would not be the end of things.

[thin in 2011 0]

I have decided not to tell many people at all. My spouse and child of course and a few close friends. No one at work will know...too many opionionated people there and I dont need that. The 2 I work closest with will act supportive, but of course have all sorts of things to say behind my back and be judgemental. This is something I am doing to help myself-to be heathier and start a new part of me...

it sounds selfish, but why put yourself through the mental disgust from people that don't have your best intentions at heart?

[jamelyn1979 1]

I have told my husband of course and my 2 closest friends. They are both very supportive and have seem me struggle with my weight for over 11 years. When I have my official surgery schedule, I will tell my family and that is about it. I do not think anyone in my work life needs to know about my personal situation. I do not want to be viewed differently for having a surgery.

[bevanfranks 0]

ooops! I accidentally clicked no- don't tell anyone. I meant to click "only spouse, very close people, etc."

Of course I told my spouse, and 2 very good friends. I only told a few family members, not all of them.

Otherwise I don't think it's anyone's business. I had considered gastric bypass in the past, and SO MANY people tried to talk me out of it! People who knew very little about obesity, the surgery itself, etc. That's what helped me to decide that I don't need to tell others.

On occasion, I think it's weird that I have this big "secret," but if I decided to have a breast augmentation, or if my husband had a vasectomy, it would not be anyone else's business. . .

My weight is a private issue to me, and I didn't want others to talk me out of it, or analyze every single thing I put in my mouth- OR, if I wasn't successful, I was worried I would have brought a lot of pressure on myself.

I think I made the right choice! I'm happy with my decision.

[Laura Lane 0]

i do think we don't have to go around telling everyone, i don't like it for people to be talking and then expecting for me to be thin from one day to the other, it puts a lot of pressure on me, so i only told my closest friends and relatives.

[larae 0]

I know a girl I used to w ork with that had LB done. She looks amazing!! Only she and my husband knows and that is the way it will continue. I don't want to be judged and I don't want to hear negative comments. Plus I don't think its anyone's business.

[sakirby 0]

I tell anyone that will listen if it comes up in conversation, but I don't carry a sign around advertising it. People have always judged me for my weight anyway, so if they are going to judge me for taking action then they really need to look in the mirror. My goal is to lose about 100lbs and when I lose it people will ask how I did it and I am not going to lie to them. At work I have actually got a lot of positive reactions and one coworkers wife is starting the process based on what I've told him about my experience.

:w00t:

Surgery Date; March 17, 2010

Hospital; St. Vincents, Jacksonville FL

Current Weight; 336

Height; 6'1"

BMI; 44

[RavenClaw779 2]

Ditto the comments from SAKirby.

My weight is something that's very apparent and often strangers feel at liberty to comment so it's not like my issues with food are a big secret.

I'm not running around like alot of the folks in my support group whose whole life(scary) has become talking about their WLS, how much they've lost, how their procedure is better than yours, and what I find the creepiest - bragging about how losing weight has helped them to become more "selfish" and how I have to become "selfish" to really make it work for me...

That said - it does come up for various reasons; like having to take a pass on a habitat project coming up during the time when I'm recovering and I'm quite open about it.

I'm becoming less surprised when whoever I'm talking to says to me, "Oh - my sister or friend or spouse had that done and they are doing great! Good for you!" I think most people support others who are trying to do something positive for their health.

Let me put it out there from a different angle. I had breast cancer and lost all my hair(10 years ago). For a long time, whenever I'd see a women obviously going through chemo I'd smile and give a friendly nod but thought I was being polite by holding my tongue. A couple of months ago I was finishing my volunteer work at the hospital and was heading home for the day. I stepped into the elevator with a man pushing his wife in a wheelchair. She'd just finished a round of chemo and looked wiped. I don't know why I did it, but I kneeled down by her chair and said, "Chemo?" She smiled and nodded. I said, " Me too - 10 years ago". She perked up and we chatted for a while about the whole process and how someday she'll look and feel like she did before. I like to think I made someone's day by making her feel not so alone. If some other plus size person who isn't happy with their weight needs a to not feel so alone, I'd be happy to lend an ear, a shoulder or be an example. God knows I've been blessed by the examples so many people have set for me to follow.:w00t:

[babsy 0]

I agree it's a personal issue, and also personal choice to tell or not. I have selectively told the supportive members of my family, & close friends who will be supportive. Not that that protects you from hurtful comments. My large-size 29yr old daughter was humiliated by the rude comments of a group of teenagers when she went swimming, trying to lose weight.

[GavynsMum 1]

I am not going to run around telling everyone but i will talk about it if asked. I work for doctors and have a friend and several family members who have had WLS so it isn't something i would feel like i have to "hide".

Just out of curiousity, those that said it is none of anyone's business would you "tell" if someone asked and you thought they were not going to be negative?