renebeau

Girl - thank goodness it was not life-threatening! I am so glad you shared. I also did not even think about taking breaks from driving...Good advice!

Hope all is well SOON!

WTG, Tiff. Looks like you are getting very close to the "end"! And I am very excited for you and your husband that you will be starting a family soon. How great that your child(ren) will have a healthy, happy (beautiful) mom!

Wow - that's pretty powerful...It's like being in the popular group at school! You earned it, Deedee!!!

Good resistance to that scale impulse, Deedee!

I think the lack of cable is far more tragic!!!

I'm so happy for you, Deedee! You will be a FANTASTIC instructor! The act that you are as concerned as you are guarantees it! Congrats!

Ditto, Tiff! Have a wonderful trip!!!

Nice, Deedee! I knew it would get better for you, girl!!!

Hey, ldswims! You are doing everything right and heading in the right direction! I, for one, enjoy your "drivel"!!! Keep posting, and keep up the good work - I am rooting for you!!!

I am sorry for your stressful week! I'm glad you got to sort thru things w/DH, and congratulations on your audition!!! Way to go!!!!

Thank you DeeDee and Tiffy - you guys are inspiration to me. I love reading your posts. I feel so reassured that this site is here and provides so much support. I will be counting on it!!!

Well, I think I am going to get the sleeve. I met with the bariatric counselor twice, and she thinks the sleeve would be better for me. Plus, since Cigna doesn't cover the sleeve, I don't have to try to meet their requirements. Just self pay. And convince hubby! I was going to have to gain/use weights/etc. to meet the requirements, also. Now - no worries. All of those ideas I sent were things I thought about doing! Who are you going to have do your band? (forgive me if you told me already!)

rolls of quarters in your pockets! great big platform shoes! ankle weights! lots of salt! stuff your bra with pennies/rocks/bags of water! (ok - I'm getting a little silly!)

As a hopeful sleever, your post inspires me. Very well said. Thank you for "putting it out there"!

Awesome!!! Isn't that how skinny people operate? That IS a breakthrough!!! I predict great success for you with the band!!! :confused:

LBT is great for information, which is good and bad! Just when I thougt I had committed to doing LB, I ran across the sleeve info, and now I am thinking it might be a better option. I like that there is little maintenance (no fills) and no device left inside me.

I will meet w/my surgeon to talk about it, and spend some more time on the VSG website. I am afraid of the complcations associated with Lap Band, like erosions, slippage, etc. It seems that LB is falling out of favor in Europe and Australia, where they have been doing it longer.

I will also see whether my ins will cover LB. If not, and I will have to self pay, then I might go with the sleeve.

It is such a major decision. I am open to other's thoughts/opinions...

me too, ldswims. I also have Cigna - but I think they have different coverage for different employers. I am waiting on insurance decision also. I guess they want to see how serious we are by giving us so many hoops to jump thru.

Hi everleigh! I am in the same boat. I have been thinking all along about the band and just recently am considering the sleeve. Please do update your blog as you learn more. I will talk to my surgeon about it, too, and post to my blog. Maybe we can help each other!

Wow - you go, girl!!! You are already on your way. Keep up the good work - you can do it!!!

Hi Miles - I am right there with you. I am a low BMI and am trying to get ins. approval. If I can't, I will pay out of pocket. I, too, fear that when I can't numb myself with food I won't be ok. That I won't be able to "deal with my life" as you aptly put it. I had my psyc consult yesterday and found it extremely helpful. I feel more assured that I can do it. I am commited to LB journey.

Just think about what it will be like if you DON'T get banded...

Thank you, ldswims. I really didn't think anyone would read my upchuck of thoughts/feelings, much less respond! And, no, you are not being preachy or bossy. This epiphany I had is still very new and I am still coming to grips with it. It actually feels less horrible now that I see it written. Less shame, somehow. I am open to other perspectives - I appreciate your words.

I feel for you! It is amazing how those few comments can be so hurtful. I am sorry that your family was so critical. I feel the same way about feeling "fat" at 130 lbs. and refusing to look at pictures of myself now. I know I am a lot more forgiving of other people than I am of myself. It is all relative. To a 120 lb person, 200 lbs is FAT. To a 300 lb person, 200 is great! You are right - HEALTHY is healthy...and beautiful!!!

I had my eval with a therapist last night. She confirmed that I was a good candidate for WLS and LB. It was great talking to her. I had forgotten how good it feels to open yourself up like that. I used to do indiv and group therapy, years ago (just after college). I have been a school counselor for 10 years and ran an alcohol treatment study as a therapist for a time - you would think I would know how important talk therapy is!

While talking to her, I articulated some of the feelings I have been having. She suggested journaling, and I thought, "Aha! I can blog on lapbandtalk!"

I have come to the conclusion that I am a spoiled brat.:drool: I never really experienced much hardship in my life. I have never been really poor, never did without anything growing up. I hated cleaning my room or any other "manual labor" and would get "stomach aches" when required to do something I didn't want to do. (Ugh. This sounds so terrible! But I have to be honest if I am going to get past it.) I have suffered bouts of depression and had low self confidence for a long time. My confidence has improved, but I think there is still part of me that feels "unworthy".

The therapist named my view as "self-indulgent". Totally. I do not want to feel discomfort of any kind. I want to have what I want, when I want it. I don't want limits. I feel like I "deserve" to have whatever I want, including food.:drool:

What am I rewarding myself for? I am quick to take medicine for any discomfort, headache, allergies, etc.

The therapist talked about the feelings I am suppressing with this self-indulgent behavior. If I didn't distract myself with food, what else would be bothering me? It is so hard to identify!

I know I fear feeling sad. I lost my mom Feb 09 and my dog Aug 09. I went up on my Lexapro for a time, but I still cried a lot. Some days, I cried pretty much all day. It was horrible. I am so afraid that feeling sad will push me into that dark pit of depression. I still take Lexapro, and it helps, but I know how it feels to be so low...and I don't want to be there.:drool:

Then there is the depressioon that being fat brings. I hate feeling the inertia that keeps me on the couch. I am an artist - but I don't feel like doing anything. I have bajillions of beads, art supplies, etc...but I don't seem able to do anything with them. Why? I have no desire/energy to cook. It used to be a passion. Now, frozen something is a relief - nothing to worry about. I worry that I will end up like my mom: sitting ALL DAY in fron to the TV, doing NOTHING, including bathing, eating, dressing, or anything that requires effort. I get those feelings periodically. Scary.

So how do I start? How can I make myself do things? I don't WANT to push myself. I hate discomfort. I told the alcoholics in group that cravings (for alcohol) are like a wave, and they will crest and then pass. Somehow, I can't talke my own advice. I don't want to feel "hunger".

Also, I worry about there being "enough" of anything for me, esp. food. Is 1 bottle of wine enough to bring to a party? Is an 8 oz steak enough? Are three yams enough? I buy way too much food. I feels like there is never enough.

I envy our cat. She gets all the food/petting and sleep she wants. When she wants more, she just asks. I could sleep all day. I have vivid dreams that sometimes are better than life.

Wow. I do ramble on. But it feels good to get it out there.

These are all thoughts/feelings I discovered or articulated last night. I think I need some more therapy.

Congrats on the changes you have already made! IMHO, it's ok to have a little of the carbs - it is moderation I seek. I, too, LOVE carbs. I don't think they have to be eliminated completely. I think a carb free life is not worth living! But that's just me.

Heddy, thank you for your post. Hearing about your struggle helps me feel more committed and is a reality check. I am still pre-op, but need to hear about the pitfalls. Congratulations on your new feeling of commitment! You sound like you are ready for your next weight loss journey! Good luck to you!

My dr.'s office says my paperwork looks good to be submitted to my insurance company. Now I have the "enviable" task of meeting the weight requirement. I need to gain about 15 lbs to meet the insurance requirements. I will wear weights of some kind, but in the meanwhile, I am "saying goodbye" to all of my fast food friends and snacking. I have been at the same weight for several years. I think my body wants to keep me there. It is hard to gain weight (amazing!) now. I am on new thyroid meds which may have something to do with it. My guess is, I will hit this weight again and plateau here when I start losing.

I feel ready. All of this gorging is kind of making me sick of eating. I suppose that will help while I endure Bandster Hell!

I look around me and I wonder - what is going to happen to all of the fat people (like me) around me? Obesity truly is an epidemic. Is there some biochemistry issue that is keeping all of us fat? One would think our bodies would resist being overweight - evolutionally. I know we are made to store fat for energy reserves, but this much? Maybe someday a scientist will figure it out. Until then, I'm with the band!