Frustr8

let's see 2nd- my technological HAPPY- bariatric surgery, DaVinci robots, a wonderful teaching/ land-grant college in OSU- WEXNER Medical Center- the "Bells and Perks" that allowed ME to go through RNY surgery at 72, not only SURVIVE the SURGERY, which, let's face it, could have resulted at one time to die on the table, and that I still am traveling this road toward finding the True Buried ME underneath my FatShell and Sorrows. A good type to be grateful for? Protein Shakes they are still important in my protein- deficency- prone- existence, perhaps forever? TODAY the 5th- that I still have heat and a roof over my head- Landlord and I are locked in a BATTLE- my rent has become untenable- 2/3 of my monthly Social Security allotment- can't pay him, utilities, life and household insurances and have any cash left to supplement foods when my Food Stamp allotment is exceeded. According to Metro balance sheet, applied but voucher has not come through, I should be paying no more than $286 monthly for shelter costs, WELL this place is a WHOLE LOT MORE than THAT! Looking fairly frantically for another place, so far no LUCK, senior housing won't take my son cause he's under 50, let alone 62, most places won't willingly take even 2 small cats, one demanded I get rid of one and have remaining ones claws amputated, which is truly what declaring is. Lease up, Landlord making Eviction noises, trying to at least appease him , if I caught up totally it would be 1.40 times my social security, government doesn't pay in advance, you know, "So No Way Jose" there. Tried to budget it all out, ask for Social Agencies help, 2 different face- to- face meetings still on tap in November. And some of my elective surgeries are becoming Mandatory- this is a BAD SITUATION for This Old Girl, exhausted what savings Tomkitten and I had to hold on even THIS FAR, ding- donged if I know where to jump, CAN'T AFFORD TO STAY- CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE- but at This point still WARM and under Roof. And for the upcoming 6th- my area of Ohio hasn't had snow yet! And my last 5th thought- I live in a Free Country where I have the chance to exercise my VOTE and I will go to the polls this afternoon. Elect local leaders, and confound the REST who THOUGHT they had a sure thing to be elected! I can complain with fervor, can't I , because I DID Care enough for my city and country's state of being, I VOTED, always have since I became of Legal Age, 55 years ago! FRUSTR8 OUT for NOW!?????

Well maybe would have to say Mild Autism instead of bipolar, only have the depression side of it. Someone asked once if I was bipolar, started worrying that maybe I was and no one wanted ME to know it, turned out it was a line on her Bariatric SURGERY checklist, I constantly have to run through the Deporession one because Medicare mandated it, almost have the staff broke of asking, told the one nurse( who has my warped sense of humor too) I'm thinking of becoming a Homicidal manic, going to start with Nosy Parker medical staff and GOD can sort them into the appropriate piles- she giggled and I believe she'll stop asking soon. Besides my blue funk was because nobody wanted to do my RNY, took me 3 years 1 month of searching and begging, but joyfully my Dr Needleman was not an Surgical Wuss, be 14 months on Tuesday and even with my Rocky at times recovery I NEVER would want to return to pre- SURGERY, I was a Sad puppy- person then, ready to stop living, just waiting for the Death Angel to claim ME as his own- and now with hard hard work I AM ONE-HALF the SIZE I was then and Never will anybody will take that away!

Think I'll be one of THEM, used to mock my older relatives with their. cardigans and such all the TIME- hello that's ME. One of my BFF asked her hubby for a blanket sleeper with footies attached- hmmm Wonder if the make them in a 16/18? Hey Just had one of my Flashes of Brilliance- Wal-Mart had jammie- styled Halloween outfits, even in grownup sizes, don't care if I look like a Dragon, Pig or Lambie, Praise GOD I just MIGHT BE WARM and besides the price is 50% off! HELLO CLEARANCE AISLE, I'm coming to YOU!

Wish I had invented them, they are a GodSend and THINK of the royalties I'd be raking in!

Most up to date thing I have done? Had my 1st of 2 Shingrex shots, they have to be spaced no less 2 months apart, no more than 6, woke me up in the middle of the night throbbing. I had the original kind in August 2013,turns out it's effective rate is 60% where- as yh8s New variety is almost 99% , so while I was hurting anyway I put an extra layer of clothing on, took some tylenol with codiene, yep one of my secret hoard of Norco, still have 11 left from last 2 surgeries, and walked outside until the rascel kicked somewhat in, figured this ranks as making lemonade out of the lemons one is given- will I get the second in January 2020? WE'LL See, WE'LL See, maybe by then I'll forget it hurts like someone whipped and whopped me with a 2 by 4 THERE- almost on level with my right humeral FX in January 2010 and that was BAD, almost was compound, you could see the bone 1 or 2 inches below the skin surface and bruised worse than an over-ripe ? bananas Oh I'll get through this challenge too, I'm a Tough Old ?Hen after all!

What am igrateful for? A furnace that works well, to be small enough that people notice and talk to me, I was disregarded when I was Lady FatBlob, maybe they just wished I had disappeared? Resumed going to Sunday Morning church services, found a warm friendly group if people THERE. Still haven't made it down to my 175 pound goal, but believe in ME enough to persist in making it there. ELECTION DAY(November 5th) will be my 14 mobth SURGIVERSITY, will be voting to elect some people and to confound the REST of the politicians- remember every one of them hascywo ends - an Sitting End and an Thinking. End- and one guess which means more to them? Not the one with the Brain, alas! My most grateful if all- my new smaller size- although I have Undergrown my Winter Coat and will have get one in the 16-18 size range- at least I am No Longer a 28-30 and coykdnt hardly fit ME even in Mens Jackets- this year I can dress like the finer specimen of Lady-hood and maybe even pretty and pastel shading? My Real Frustr8 shines forth for all to see. Although I am still having varied medical testings. I don't fall off exam tables, can climb up and down by myself and what they find is a early Stage 1, not 4 and deadly- so another happy in the midst of it all÷ as Dude in The Big Lebowsk 9bce said " I ABIDE that's just dined with ME!.

Tonight was Trick or Treat,- nobody came by- do you think my. signpost that said " The Witck Is In!" had anything to do with it? Big Bowl of Kit-kats, lucky I'm chocolate allergic- it's All Yours TOMKITTEN!?

Still in the 180s. was hop8ng to go down to my Dream 175 by Halloween, didn't happen but Thanksgiving and Christmas are still in my Shotgun Sights, so I SHALL NOT ABANDON HOPE and start eating the BADFIES lurk8ng out THERE!

I have a container of Campbell's YES soup in my pantry, supposed to be Broccoli- Sweet Potato, any body try it? Had a money- off coupon for 3 YES soup, the other 2 were Butternut squash which I like greatly.

Well I am the Dexilent success kid, as long as I take it I have no further ulcer production, but I grew them while on Omperazolr both times, while under my gastroenterologist and my bariatric surgeon's care- just extremely LUCKY my insurance co-pay is only $8.30 because I COULD NOT AFFORD the OTC pricing. I take 60 mg but have been told the 30mg size will go generic in 2020 if not yet this year. An interesting FYI, my Doctor Needleman wrote a script for2 of!30mg capsules , Wal-Mart went and changed it to the 60 mg they had on hand anyway! Did they ask first? DOUBT IT STRONGLY, I once worked at Wally World but not in THAT department, and I know how devious they CAN be and often are. Like anybody that works at a place 11 YEARS, I know the skeletons and what closets they are hidden in.

Really must make YOU feel like you've. entered a Brave New World. Congratulations again, and Rock the Red, my friend!

ALWAYS had wanted to have an angel on the inside of my right wrist to memorialize my son Kevin who died at 31, just hisname, angel , birth-date & death-date, promised myself when my Weight Loss was achieved and felt I could treat myself to the cost. Now I developed an ganglion cyst right where I wanted IT, had surgery but I'm thinking it is reoccurring, my poor angel would have looked. about 5 months "preggo", not GOOD if you're a Boy Angel, or are Angels non- gender specific? So it's still on my SomeDay List, it was going to be Left because my Son was left- handed . So I'm still chickened- out but much to Tomkitten's chagrin, I want a "Tat" before I die, he says I'm pretty just the way I am, but dang-it I WANT ENHANCED!

Well I don't know about a Phillips Screwdriver but I Do Know Vodka and Prune Juice has always been called a Piledriver!??

Hey it's Okay,many of us have been or still are where you're at. Took pictures to prove to me that I'm not Ugly Fat anymore. Weight looks good on some PEOPLE but only a few and I had gotten to the point of SelfLoathing, it didn't Look Good on ME- but I'm still dysmophic enough to think "Chubby Tubby" until something proves the error of it!

And you're both lovely- Best Wishes to the Happy ? couple and You Also!

Your Digestive system seems to be saying "You -Hoo, Let's think about ME down here", sounds like it got your attention, didn't it?

So@ Lynda 468 Are you all BETTER and did your Doctor give good news on Thursday? Was just thinking of you, sending Good Healing Thoughts your Way!

Oh I Do I Do!

Just keep in mind- it may not longer taste as good- I had been craving Ginger Snap,cookies- yeah Not Good for me- gerryrigged a recipe to be only marginally terrible- tried one, all I could taste was something that tasted like freshly ground black pepper- none in it- Tomkitten never cared for Ginger ANYTHING so "Hello Trash Can" Goodbye pan- full of Evil & Vile Cookies!

Goody- mine runs 90/ 55 or 60, before Bariatrics I was border- line Hypertensive, now that I am smaller my Heart doesn't have to pump so hard to get the blood around ( You're Welcome ?) I've learned to move slower in case I'm a little Dizzy, figure I could still topple over even at my oh So Lovely 180,pounds, last thing I'll hear is "There She Goes- Everybody give Her room to Land" but still,IT'S WORTH IT TO BE SMALLER, RENOVATED And closer to a healthy STATE!???

I hope it happens and that it IS before years end; I'm chasing another SURGERY, an Reverse Shoulder and if he can maybe realign my left rotator cuff in the process? Anyhoo I am missing almost totally any shoulder slickness in my glenohumeral joint, sleep with a pillow on that side so it doesn't hurt while i sleep but almost every morning it wakes me from what passes for solid sleep. My original goal was to last until my 74th birthday, December 26th, still within the "Deductibles Paid " window, it is one of his 2 SURGICAL days, does his Tuesday and Thursday every week. Wanted to be wheeled into the O.R .SINGING " Happy birthday to ME", and I am ornery enough to just Do THAT- but I grow more miserable each day- Do I stay on my ORIGINAL MASTER PLAN , clench my teeth and try not to flinch with Each and Every Movement, or do I PLEAD for a Thansgiving one instead? He reminded ME there would be pain, well DUH I'm already living in Pain City, figuratively limping along, remember my Bari- buds he repaired my right R.C. as a bonus when he had my shoulder open removing the stabilizing hardware from my Humerus FX 9 years ago, had to be removed because when I lost my Pre-Bari weight down I lost internal fat in that arm so it was rocking and non- stable anymore. My Golden Rule for SURGERY is: When you fear SURGERY less than continuing to live as You Are- I may appear to have a touch of Masochism, truly I Do Not ENJOY Suffering, I just want my hinges and connections to hurt LESS- I am relegated to the Tylenol family since I was ulcerated and nearly perforated prior to my RNY- have a few Norco secreted but Oh My Good Golly it makes me impossibly constipated, I was crying , Tomkitten said PLEASE PLEASE take one Thursday night , I can't hardly stand seeing YOU cry- my Linzess didn't contradict enough, yesterday I strained so hard I must have popped an external hemorrhoid, was passing bright red blood- heard the term "Tearing Yourself a new A**hole" must have been what they referred to- Scary and oh so Painful, bounced out to ER because IT IS SCARY- LARRY and I was fearing for ME and My Future. Better this morning, found out from my testing my left side diverticular colon isn't enchanted with me either, the bleeding finally stopped so now I don't know what my next BM is going to entail- another reason to go to ER- my PCP is 7th Day Adventist, all this happened after he left his office at Friday noon- his short in-the - office Day. Like the song from the TV show HeeHaw, IF IT WEREN'T FOR BAD LUCK I'D HAVE NO LUCK AT ALL- but today is Saturday and perhaps I'll have a more Peaceful Weekend. Your Frustr8 a.k.a the Sorrowful Colon Person?

truthfully now that I have gone 14 months on my Post- SURGERY career, I really had a medium- sized bone structure under my Fluffiness, who' d have thunk that? So although to many it may seem I am bigger than the AVERAGE AMERICAN WOMAN at 5ft 8inches and 182 pounds, cause I just weighed ME. a few minutes ago with clothes on, it is a BIG change from the 55 BMI I showed up at Dr Needleman, my surgeon who could perform this magic , install a tool that facilitated with my commitment to succeed,this Wondrous Weight Loss. I now have a 29 BMI, still,"legally Overweight" but my tshirt says ALWAYS AWESOME; NEVER NORMAL- and today. it is My Aspie Battlecry for I NEVER will be Neurotypical but I AM one wonder-Full lovely person and that makes me HAPPY? HAPPY? HAPPY? and I can accept ME for ME- and how are You doing TODAY?

Walking to my testings instead of having to be pushed in a Wheelchair! If my 2 artificial knees. didn't bawl and squall from how much I was pushing them, I was too Out of Breath to make it in a dignified manner. And that is embarrassing being an Object of Pity- i was confident that I was ugly- I was disgustingly- obese, OH I wanted to hide- thought I was a festering sore on life. It took my last teeny shred of self- respect to seek out Bariatric SURGERY- and I was certain I would DIE before I COULD receive it- but thought if I DIE from it, I will at least know I Tried . And those who know my story know it took 3 + heart- breaking years to get my SURGERY done. BUT Now I am less,than 1/2 the size I started at, I now can look at my profile as well as straight- on in the mirror, doesn't take a Triple- paned one to get ME all in! And I now radiate to the World that I am a Wonderful worthwhile person to KNOW, see inside I knew I always WAS- but nobody gave ME the chance to prove it- i was 1/2 the Red- headed Stepchild in the Attic, and the other 1/2? The Fat Blob everybody avoided , to many I didn't exist. Am I being too demeaning to ME? NOPE because Honey I Lived it! Took my last little bit of Self- Preservation to even seek Bariatric Surgery, took 3+ years, not many surgeons are willing to take on a 72 year old who had been in the Obese ranks almost from birth- call it FLUFFY, say I had Big Bones- trurh

Happy Surgiversity and Congratulations to YOU!

VSG David, you are Looking Good and Doing Good, and I forecast Good Things for you on into the FUTURE. I guess maybe I have been living long enough (73) to be ABLE to forsee THE FUTURE as a Wise Old Broad so THAT is my prediction! Keep the Faith , my brother, looks like you are doing THINGS right.??