serenity55

:biggrin:OK, I'm a dork! Thank you, Alex. Sorry it took me forever to do this--I'm also a little slow.

Thank you everyone! At least now I'll know that when it happens, it won't be a reason for me to panic. :-) I see my doctor Thursday to get things started. I find myself going from excited to scared to doubtful. But this is the highest weight I've ever been and the thought of gaining more doesn't make me happy. Debbie

Thank you, Ajoneen. You're right. I know that when I read the positive stuff, I feel better. I need to focus on that to get myself through.

Thank you, Gwen. Your post is very helpful, and I'll be rereading it to remind myself. Debbie

Thank you everyone. I guess I should have made myself clearer. I appreciate the pictures, but I am totally blind, so I really am looking forward to a hands-on experience! :-) Mike and Mia, your descriptions were very helpfull. I'm feeling just a little scared of it all, but I'm going to stay on the path. Thanks to you all again. Debbie

Hello everyone! Can someone describe what it feels like when you are restricted? And are you always aware that the band is there, even when you don't feel full? I'm having a hard time trying to picture what it even looks like, because I can't see it. I can hardly wait to ask if maybe I can actually touch one. Thanks in advance. Debbie

:confused:Last night I couldn't stop thinking about so many things. I'm scared and I haven't even seen my doctor yet. So why am I even pursuing getting the band? Because my lower back hurts if I stand too long, because I used to be able to walk really fast and I can't do that any more, because I hear myself trying not to breathe like I've just been exercising for an hour. And I'm freaking out about the thought of something inside me. What if it doesn't work, and my body rejects it for some reason? And smaller portions of food, and not being able to eat sweets; really having those choices taken away from me, but that in itself is a choice, one I'm choosing to make. I need to look in to why I'm so depressed about that. Oh, I know it's partly because cookies are comfort food for me, and I know that when I was growing up there wasn't enough food much of the time, so I sneak it now, and hide it. But I feel like there's more. I'm afraid of having that taken away from me, and I need to get to the point where I'm more afraid of gaining more weight, and sometimes I am there. And I keep coming back to this site; I love it here, so there must be some part of me that's saying, "Come on, girl, just keep putting one foot in front of the other." So I'll go to see my doctor on Thursday, and I will do just that. Because I think of the other side of the coin, too, the thinner me, the one everybody told me was so pretty when I was in high school. I want her back.

:confused:Last night I couldn't stop thinking about so many things. I'm scared and I haven't even seen my doctor yet. So why am I even pursuing getting the band? Because my lower back hurts if I stand too long, because I used to be able to walk really fast and I can't do that any more, because I hear myself trying not to breathe like I've just been exercising for an hour. And I'm freaking out about the thought of something inside me. What if it doesn't work, and my body rejects it for some reason? And smaller portions of food, and not being able to eat sweets; really having those choices taken away from me, but that in itself is a choice, one I'm choosing to make. I need to look in to why I'm so depressed about that. Oh, I know it's partly because cookies are comfort food for me, and I know that when I was growing up there wasn't enough food much of the time, so I sneak it now, and hide it. But I feel like there's more. I'm afraid of having that taken away from me, and I need to get to the point where I'm more afraid of gaining more weight, and sometimes I am there. And I keep coming back to this site; I love it here, so there must be some part of me that's saying, "Come on, girl, just keep putting one foot in front of the other." So I'll go to see my doctor on Thursday, and I will do just that. Because I think of the other side of the coin, too, the thinner me, the one everybody told me was so pretty when I was in high school. I want her back.

Hi, Chris, I am literally just starting the process. I have an appointment with my doctor this coming Thursday. I lurked here for weeks before I even joined and I can tell you that I have found a warm and loving reception here, not to mention all the information available. Good luck to you, and I hope the time flies until June! Debbie

This is a test blog entry!

This is a test blog entry!

This morning when I turned on the radio, the first commercial I heard was for bariatric surgery. I thought, Wow! That's interesting. And I've been thinking about being banded all day. This afternoon, I was pretty sleepy; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I dozed a little--the switchboard was slow. So on my break I decided to get some Oreos from the vending machine, because that's what I do when I'm sleepy, bored, whatever. There were none. I didn't want a Snickers bar, or shortbread Cookies, so I just didn't buy anything. I'm excited even though I've been thinking about endoscopies and needles, and the band inside me, and PBing, and the pain. I keep thinking about what someone said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." That just might be my mantra, and maybe this is a turning point for me. Has anyone else felt they were given signs from the universe, or where ever you believe they come from? Just curious. Debbie

Laurinda, Falloutgal, and heartfire, thank you all for your encouragement. Heartfire, like you, I have this skinny girl in my head, too. My sister invited me and a few of my friends over a couple of years ago, and she showed pictures of me when I was thinner. My friends kept saying how pretty I was, and I want that back again. Now, I just get, "You have a beautiful smile, and such a pretty face." As Jack said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I like that. Debbie

Thank you, Wheetsin. I'll try that. I have written two entries, well, one long one, I guess, and I want to try to make it show. Thanks again. Debbie

I had a hysterectomy almost six years ago, and I had to have blood work, and IV's and pain medication by injection when I was in the hospital because I had sleep apnea and my surgeon felt it would be dangerous to put the medicine in to the IV port. Every time I had to deal with needles I thought I'd never make it through, and I think it's because I had fluid drawn from my eyes when I was quite small. Maybe not, but whatever the case, I'm just scared. Anyway, it's good to know that maybe the fills will be all right. thank you, Tina. Debbie

Hi all, Thank you for your responses, and words of encouragement. Jack, I'm definitely in, and although I'm scared, I'm going to go forward. Tina, I'm scared of needles, so when you said you were scared of fills, I could relate, even though I haven't had any yet. But I'm still here, reading and learning. Unfortunately, I can't look at the pictures because I am blind, but I can read how much weight people have lost, which is just as helpful for me. This really is an awesome place. Debbie

Thank you Tami. I haven't seen very many people from this area and I am still researching. Congratulations and may you have continued good health. Debbie

I have one entry in my blog, but it says I have zero. What do I have to do so that it shows in my signature like a lot of people have done, and will it then say that I have one entry? Hope this makes sense. Debbie

I would be interested in hearing from anyone in the valley, Hollywood, West LA, or any of the surrounding areas, about where you were banded, or if you're just starting the process, or even in the learning faze, as I am. Thanks in advance. Debbie

It's really a vicious cycle, isn't it, this journey to band land. I'm fat, I'm afraid, and I eat. I don't think that exercising is helping me because I'm still eating sweets. Is there anyone out there who has been down this road? Eventually, I have to get to the point where fear of more health problems is greater than all the needles. And I'm envious, envious of all of you who have done it already, are already bandsters. Still I eat, and am afraid, and exercise, and have no hope. Sometimes I think I can do this and I'll have the rewards so many people have, and other times ...? Who am I kidding? I know there's no way in he** I'm going to lose this 331 pounds by myself, I've been trying forever, though I haven't always been over 300. I'm putting one foot in front of the other, will see my doctor in a week, but boy! am I scared, confused, and fat! Thank you all for letting me whine. I'll take sharp cheddar with that, thank you! :-) Debbie

I kind of have to wonder about the author of this thread. She posts something like this, then leaves, or is she lurking, reading? We don't know. But I would say to her that she might consider the possibility that, there are many people who simply aren't posting, but are leading wonderful productive lives, and maybe drop in from time to time. I'm still learning, and I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful place to educate myself. Debbie

Good question, Travelgirl. Yes, I turn lights on at night, because I can see them, and actually used to be afraid of the dark. I open curtains and blinds during the day, too! Debbie

Hi everyone, Thank you all for the warm responses. I feel like I have a family, even though I'm just starting out. Thank you, Suzanne, for describing the ticker factory thingie. Yours sounds really cute, I like the idea of the little car moving as your weight goes down. Much good luck to you. I work at Braille Institute in Los Angeles, and though I never went to a residential school, I did go to an elementary school for the blind. I knew people who went to a school in Berkley, which has been moved to Fremont, I think, in northern California. I think that teachers, and the board of directors, or whatever they were called, had some pretty sad views of the things blind and visually impaired people could and couldn't do. They kept the boys and girls apart, even as teenagers, because I think they didn't believe that the sexes shouldn't mingle. I'm not sure how good the mobility--use of canes--teachers were, because I knew a lot of people who could get pretty disoriented when left to their own devices. This may or may not be a result of the schools for the blind, but I am glad I went to a day school and then went on to be mainstreamed with sighted kids. Sometimes the families of totally blind kids send them to residential schools because they don't think they can cope with them, which is pretty sad. But I also know some people who are quite productive and went to residential schools. I'm sorry; my brain isn't working tonight, I'm forgetting names. Rain, thank you for your wishes. My brother-in-law did something similar when I lived with him and my sister for a while. My sister told me that he walked through the house in the dark to try to see what it was like for me. And, by the way, I do use the word "see" when I refer to myself, watching Tv, or a movie. Yes, I do go to movies. Please remind me if I'm forgetting anyone; I don't mean to. :-) Debbie

Hi all, Ready, Steady Go--thank you for your post. I too am a switchboard operator by day. I really want to get banded, but I want to be as well-informed as possible, yet still moving forward. And, by the way, it's never too late to pick up an instrument. Go for it You may not be giving yourself enough credit. Try again, if you feel up to it. ! Suzanne, I don't think you're strange at all. Most sighted people would make fun of you because they don't listen--present company accepted, of course! :-) JAWS says some weird things. Sometimes it says ticker factory, but when it reads your signature, it says a bunch of letters which I can't remember--something like WQXL. That's not exactly right, but something like that. Could someone explain what that is, the ticker factory, and what all the letters mean? Foofy, it's pretty cool to have a legally blind governor. From what I've heard of him, I'm sure he'll do us proud. You sighted folk are awesome! :-) Debbie

Hi all, I said I'd come back and write about myths and blindness. Here are just a few: Because we have no way of seeing pictures, we don't have any. Not true. I have a photo album filled with pictures of the trips I took to England, and my sister is putting together another one of me from the time I was a child. I also love tee shirts with pictures and sayings on them. Either we have super hearing, or we're hard of hearing, and people feel they have to raise their voices so we can hear them. Our hearing is probably no more acute than any sighted person's. We rely on it more, but I often tell people that if they close their eyes and just listen, they might be amazed at what they can hear. This may not be a myth, but one of my favorite things is going in to a restaurant, and the waiter or waitress says to my companion(s) "What will she have?" When I went to have my blood drawn a week ago, the lab technician spoke to my best friend, not me. I said that, as I was the one having the blood work done, she might want to talk to me. People often get flustered when I confront them like that, but I don't do it to be nasty. (Although, sometimes, like anyone else, i have bad days, and have responded sharply.) I'm quite capable of asking for help, and when it is unsolicited, it's more of a hindrance than anything. People get their feelings hurt even when I try to be nice about it, but I have to admit that sometimes if they persist, I have to tell them that they're not helping. If I'm walking in an area I'm not familiar with, very often it's hard to get people to stop to help me. And when I'm waiting to cross a street, and have missed the beginning of the cycle--meaning the light is in my favor--people want to help me cross. I love it when they say to me, "You can cross now," as they are coming toward me from the other side of the street. OK, so these aren't myths, but there's one more thing I'll mention, and then close for now. If a blind person is in the middle of the street, and a sighted person sees that he or she is heading in to the intersection, or heading toward an idling car, the worst thing that person can do is yell, "Stop!" When I hear that, I'm not sure why I'm stopping, and why would I want to in the middle of the street? Usually, I'm able to correct myself and get safely across the street, but when I hear someone yell "Stop!" I wonder if there's a truck barreling down on me, if a big hole has opened up in front of me, or what. Usually, in my case, it's just that I'm about to hit someone's car with my cane. I don't have a death wish, and there's no way I'll veer in to oncoming traffic. Simply saying calmly that something is wrong is much more helpful. Also, what is most helpful is for a sighted person to approach a blind person and ask if they need assistence. I've heard horror stories of some blind people being jerks, but hopefully, if the answer is no, the person will say so, and thank the person who has offered. Debbie