serenity55

Wow! Much good luck to you on your journey, too. I understand about physicaldisabilities. I am totally blind, and right now am having trouble with insurance. They want receipts for stuff I don't have because it is twenty years ago that I tried first losing weight. I will definitely be thinking of you, and following your journey. Debbie

This is what I came up with today, while fighting the cookie monster at work. But I didn't have any. And I feel like I really get it--it's time to stop talking and doing. But I'm still a mass of contradictions, or so it seems. What if I get the band? What if I don’t? Sometimes I think that I will make it, but what if I won’t? What if, when I get the band, I become afraid? What if, when I get the band, I know I have it made Why does sugar call to me--a sweet siren song? Why can’t I resist when I know giving in is wrong?! I love the taste of sugar, which is sometimes not enough; Good choices? I can make them, but there’s always the bad stuff! What if I can’t eat the way all good bandsters should? What if I succeed, and people say, “Girl, you look good!” What if my port flips, the band slips, or sugar calls? Do I have just what it takes to do this thing at all? What if I stay focused on the tasks that are at hand? Get to a place where I can be considered for the band? I think that’s what I really want, in spite of all my fears; To get the band, increase my life by many, many years I am sad because food is not my friend. I must find a way for this love affair to end. It’s time for me to step up to the plate. Take the plunge before it is too late. Hard to let go, that’s all in my head. Fill the void with something else instead. Sometimes I think I know just what to do. “The answer’s there,” I say, “in front of you.” And still the taste of sweet things call to me; Although the harm they do is plain to see. I’m sad to think how much less I must eat, Not have cookies for comfort, but for treats. It seems so simple; yet I don’t know why I can’t always fight the urge, though I try! I may not find the answers that I seek. Day by day I’ll be strong, not always weak. I know the things that I must do to win. I also know that I never will be thin. By doing what I must to reach my goal, I, not food, will be in control. ?

This is what I came up with today, while fighting the cookie monster at work. But I didn't have any. And I feel like I really get it--it's time to stop talking and doing. But I'm still a mass of contradictions, or so it seems. What if I get the band? What if I don’t? Sometimes I think that I will make it, but what if I won’t? What if, when I get the band, I become afraid? What if, when I get the band, I know I have it made Why does sugar call to me--a sweet siren song? Why can’t I resist when I know giving in is wrong?! I love the taste of sugar, which is sometimes not enough; Good choices? I can make them, but there’s always the bad stuff! What if I can’t eat the way all good bandsters should? What if I succeed, and people say, “Girl, you look good!” What if my port flips, the band slips, or sugar calls? Do I have just what it takes to do this thing at all? What if I stay focused on the tasks that are at hand? Get to a place where I can be considered for the band? I think that’s what I really want, in spite of all my fears; To get the band, increase my life by many, many years I am sad because food is not my friend. I must find a way for this love affair to end. It’s time for me to step up to the plate. Take the plunge before it is too late. Hard to let go, that’s all in my head. Fill the void with something else instead. Sometimes I think I know just what to do. “The answer’s there,” I say, “in front of you.” And still the taste of sweet things call to me; Although the harm they do is plain to see. I’m sad to think how much less I must eat, Not have cookies for comfort, but for treats. It seems so simple; yet I don’t know why I can’t always fight the urge, though I try! I may not find the answers that I seek. Day by day I’ll be strong, not always weak. I know the things that I must do to win. I also know that I never will be thin. By doing what I must to reach my goal, I, not food, will be in control. ?

Thank you Cherylita. I know that what you say is true, and I also know that there have been times when I could and did beat back the cookie monster. You made me smile when I read how you’d hide things from friends or family because you didn’t want to share. I can so relate to that ! Where are you in the banding process? I really appreciate your words and will be following your progress and wishing you nothing but the best. Oh, by the way, the thing I was craving as I wrote this entry? Mother’s oatmeal cookies! Haven’t had them in a long time! Didn’t get them this weekend, either! :-)

Hi, Thank you for your comments. I was in OA for two years, have been seeing a therapist for who-knows-how long, and sometimes I don’t feel quite as crazy as I did when I wrote this entry. I write all the time, and used to talk a lot more. I have found that unless a person has been where I am, they really don’t get it, so I’ve learned to talk only to those I feel are dealing with the same issues as I am. And you’re right, this site is full of helpful people, and I’m glad I found it. Boy, do I know I’m addicted! And I’m really sorry your insurance company won’t pay for surgery. Mine wants receipts that prove I tried to lose weight, but the place I went to twenty years ago is no longer in existence. So I get frustrated, angry, depressed, and then hopeful, and start over again. It’s nice to hear, as I did in the seminar I went to a week ago, that I have an addiction. I heard, or read somewhere that people with a “sweet tooth” don’t do as well with the band. I hope that’s not true. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’d like to think I have a fighting chance What will you do about surgery? Will you self pay, or try fighting with your insurance company? I wish you luck whatever happens. . Thanks again for responding.

Nina, truer words were never spoken. Thank you so much, because I try to tell myself that I have to change my way of thinking, and sometimes I can do it. As a matter of fact, I feel a little better because I did focus on something else. thank you again. Debbie

No, journaling isn't the be-all and end-all, but I find that it really can help, and I've had one heck of a life.

Flowers, You say that you know journaling won’t help you. Have you tried? Sometimes it seems that it doesn’t, in my case, because all I do, again, so it seems, is write about what makes me sad or depressed, or how much I want cookies. But I also try to see what, if anything, is beneath the fact that I want to eat. It’s like peeling the skin off an onion--once you get started, things just seem to come up. I understand eating because you’re bored; believe me, I’ve been there. But I’m wondering if maybe there aren’t more reasons than that, like eating for comfort. I think about what will happen when I can no longer do that, and it’s for that reason that I’m trying to find out just what’s going on in my head. Actually, I’ve been on this journey for years. Sometimes, it helps to distract myself with simple things, like writing, or drinking water, or calling someone to say I want to eat. And while you may not have heard how the band does in five years, in my opinion, it’s better to take a chance on getting one than possibly having a heart attack, or stroke, or diabetes, or any number of obesity-related diseases It is scary to take that plunge--I go back and forth daily on the what ifs, but I think that soulsearching has brought me this far, and I hope you find a way to reach a decision that will bring you peace. Remember, this is for you, not anyone on this site, or your mom. You will reap the benefits. I’ve had friends and family I wasn’t sure would support me, but many have, and there’s a chance your mom is just worried because she doesn’t understand how important this is to you, or how low risk lap band surgery is now. I wish you the best, whatever you decide.

Hi Michelle, I have sleep apnea, too, and sometimes it just takes time to get used to the CPAP. For some people it takes months, and some take to it right away. I hope you can work it out. Some people get chin straps, or tape their lips shut, which sounds awful to me. Anyway, good luck. Debbie

I want to eat sweets, as many as I can stand. I don’t want to exercise. I want help, and I don’t know where to get it. I can’t make anyone understand why I want to scream! It’s an effort for me to get up off the floor after exercising, out of chairs, and we won’t talk about going up and down stairs. I have to stop and rest. I just want to lay down and eat cookies. I think about cookies even as I’m eating a meal. I’m freakin’ huge, and I can’t make the stupid physicians’ group understand that I want this band, and no one has any suggestions. And maybe I don’t even want the thing I’m frustrated, angry, depressed, and cookies have been the one thing I could always turn to when I felt like this. What the hell would I do if I got the band and this happened? I read somewhere that people with a “sweet tooth” have less success with the band. Sweet tooth?! I’m a freakin’ emotional eater! I’m not really motivated, I hate exercising! Yeah, I do it, halfheartedly, and nothing pisses me off more than some well meaning friend or family member saying, “Oh, just do it!” “Well, if I don’t want sweets, I just don’t buy them.” “You just have to make up your mind and do it.” What a crock!

I want to eat sweets, as many as I can stand. I don’t want to exercise. I want help, and I don’t know where to get it. I can’t make anyone understand why I want to scream! It’s an effort for me to get up off the floor after exercising, out of chairs, and we won’t talk about going up and down stairs. I have to stop and rest. I just want to lay down and eat cookies. I think about cookies even as I’m eating a meal. I’m freakin’ huge, and I can’t make the stupid physicians’ group understand that I want this band, and no one has any suggestions. And maybe I don’t even want the thing I’m frustrated, angry, depressed, and cookies have been the one thing I could always turn to when I felt like this. What the hell would I do if I got the band and this happened? I read somewhere that people with a “sweet tooth” have less success with the band. Sweet tooth?! I’m a freakin’ emotional eater! I’m not really motivated, I hate exercising! Yeah, I do it, halfheartedly, and nothing pisses me off more than some well meaning friend or family member saying, “Oh, just do it!” “Well, if I don’t want sweets, I just don’t buy them.” “You just have to make up your mind and do it.” What a crock!

Hi Dawn, Congratulations on getting approved! There is a support forum for local groups, and under the one that says USA, there is one for California. I live in Van Nuys, and am having trouble with insurance, because I don’t have receipts proving that I’ve tried different kinds of weight loss procedures. Good luck to you, and welcome to LBT!

Hi Bamamine, and welcome to LBT! Like you, I’m still in the beginning stages of lap band. I’ve been to a seminar, and right now I’m dealing with insurance issues. There are a lot of wonderful people here with tons of information and I’m sure someone will come along to help. You might try looking at the frequently asked questions. Sorry I can’t be of more help, but I did want to welcome you and wish you luck, too. Since I’ve been looking in to this surgery, I’ve experienced all kinds of emotions from excitement to doubt and fear and back to impatience because things aren’t happening fast enough. But I’m still here, so I know that the bottom line is that I really want the surgery, in spite of the fear. I guess for me, the desire to lose weight is stronger than anything else I might feel I hope you stick around, keep reading and posting, and, even if you still feel chicken, you’ll definitely have support. .

Cherylita, the main thing for me to give up would be cookies! I loooove them! Thank you for the suggestion, I will try that. I have Pacificare, which has been pretty good to me, but the physicians’ group I’m with is asking for all kinds of receipts that I don’t have--receipts from more than twenty years ago. So now I’m trying to get anything I think will help me. I’d never thought of selfpay because I don’t have that kind of money, but I really want this band! I’m hoping someone in the physicians’ group will be sympathetic, but it’s depressing sometimes.

There are some things on this site that have really inspired me. this is one of them. Thank you Cherylita. Debbie

Thank you Kathy and Cheryl. I know that in spite of my feelings I really want to get a band. I guess I’m frustrated because of insurance, and, I am afraid that I might fail, among other things. The people on this site are fantastic, as you have both proven. The support I’ve gotten has been wonderful, and has kept me on this path, again, in spite of my doubts and fears. Like you, Cheryl, I have visions of being able to do things I can’t do right now, and to rediscover that thinner, healthier me. Thank you both very much. Debbie

Sheemac, I’m really sorry you had to deal with kids like that. I think it’s true what another poster said: When kids are with their friends they act like they haven’t been raised with sense or sensitivity, and maybe, in some instances they haven’t. When I was in my twenties and just starting to work, and living with my sister, I came home and my niece had a friend over. They were in my room, doing what, I don’t know, but I went to sit on my bed, and my niece said to her friend, “Don’t let her sit on you, now!” I wasn’t nearly as fat as I am, now And I know my sister raised her better than that!. Once I went to a Der Weinerschnitzel, (Sp?) and ordered a double burger, or something, and the A hole at the window said, “Are you sure you want that? That’s half a pound of meat!” I asked him why the hell it was on the menu if I couldn’t order it, and suggested that maybe he’d like me to take my business somewhere else. I know we all have stories like that, and they sting even when we manage to come up with witty comebacks. One of my favorites is, “I may be fat, but you’re an idiot, and I can lose weight.” We are all here to support each other, and let each other know that the ignorant people in the world are just that, and may never change, but we can, and will.

Sometimes I wonder what’s the use? I exercise, but I’m tired while I’m doing it. I feel like it’s not going to work. I went to a seminar yesterday. So what? Everything I do feels like a huge effort Yesterday when my friend and I were getting in to the public transportation to come home, another passenger said, “I think the heavier person should ride in front.” I didn’t hear the entire comment, but I was fairly certain it was about me. My friend basically told her to mind her own business. My trainer is willing to write something as proof that she worked with me; my therapist, I haven’t asked because when I first brought up the subject, she thought it was a “terrible surgery” and that I didn’t need it. My former OA food sponsor says she isn’t “a proponent” of weight loss surgery, but she was willing to write something. I said no, because I wouldn’t want her to do anything that goes against her beliefs, and it probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. Before I exercised, and even while I was, I felt depressed. It’s not as bad now, but it always starts out that way. Who do I think I’m kidding?.

Sometimes I wonder what’s the use? I exercise, but I’m tired while I’m doing it. I feel like it’s not going to work. I went to a seminar yesterday. So what? Everything I do feels like a huge effort Yesterday when my friend and I were getting in to the public transportation to come home, another passenger said, “I think the heavier person should ride in front.” I didn’t hear the entire comment, but I was fairly certain it was about me. My friend basically told her to mind her own business. My trainer is willing to write something as proof that she worked with me; my therapist, I haven’t asked because when I first brought up the subject, she thought it was a “terrible surgery” and that I didn’t need it. My former OA food sponsor says she isn’t “a proponent” of weight loss surgery, but she was willing to write something. I said no, because I wouldn’t want her to do anything that goes against her beliefs, and it probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. Before I exercised, and even while I was, I felt depressed. It’s not as bad now, but it always starts out that way. Who do I think I’m kidding?.

Thank you, Froggi1985. I hope I can win with the insurance company, too. They're so frustrating!

I went to a seminar today, and I really liked it. Thanks to this site, there was a lot of information I already knew, and it was also great to hear things I heard from other places confirmed. For example, one of the doctors talked about ghrelin, a chemical inn the stomach which controls satiety. This same doctor, whose name is Dr. Katkhouda, showed before and after pictures of some of his patients, and although I couldn’t see them, I could hear everyone around me saying, “Wow!” and “She’s really thin.” I began to get excited again, thinking that could be me. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> I spoke to the other doctor who was there, Dr. Crookes, about the insurance problems I’m having, and he said what I already knew: I can’t even come to see him unless I have the authorization from GPA, which is the physicians group I’m with. I have PacifiCare and I’ve never had problems with them. Even the doctors admitted that sometimes the insurance companies don’t want to pay for weight loss surgery. I get so easily discouraged when I hear that, but my best friend said I’ve got to keep trying <o:p></o:p> I liked the energy and attitude of both doctors; my only complaint is the second one talked much more about the Roux-en-y than the band. He did, however, say that they are both the gold standard for weight loss surgery, and nothing’s going to make me change my mind about getting one of my very own!

Thank you, BrandyII. I have high blood pressure and sleep apnea, and I assume my doctor mentioned those things. I just have no idea, so I'm going to ask her what she thinks. She wasn't in the office yesterday. thanks again.

Has anyone been in this situation, and what did you do? Please help!

Yes, exactly!

My best friend called my doctor’s office today to ask about the authorization and was told that GPA, which I guess is the provider, wants receipts! I don’t have any from twenty years ago, or even fifteen, which is when I went to Gloria Marshall. And they want literature from Cedars, which is where I’m requesting to be sent. And of course, I can’t prove that I went to Overeaters Anonymous. So now what?! I’m so frustrated I don’t know what to do. My friend says it’s just a loophole, and something to discourage me from pushing. My sister said it’s because they don’t want to pay for it. Whatever the reason, I’m not happy, and I feel like I don’t have the right to be on this board, because everyone’s doing something and I’m not. Oh, I’m going to a free seminar next Saturday, the fourteenth. It’s at USC University Hospital. Hope they don’t switch times on me like the first one did!