Before you read this I don't mean to offend anyone:redface:. This is kind of a reference point for me because there will be many times during my process where I start to doubt why I did this:confused:. I want to be able to read this and go..."oh yeah dork thats why! Now get back to the bandster way of life:scared2:!!" Right now I am in the beginning stages. I don't have a surgery date yet and the information that follows is based on observation and personal opinion (notice I didn't say experience lol)....here goes......

So I have been gathering information from several different sites lately. I read blogs and comments and information from different folks. Everyone sounds so positive but as you read into their journey, they start to get negative. Whether they are at the start of the journey or a bandster. What I can't figure out is where the courage went. Each of us has made a very important decision. Whether it is paid for out of pocket or by insurance, we still made the decision. You evaluated your life and determined that you are worth more than a piece of cake or pizza. You are worth more than the doubt that you are starting to feel. Remember how courageous you were when you started this? Remember that feeling of elation when you woke up knowing that you are in control of yourself? I wake up everyday thanking God for blessing me and my family/friends with another day on this earth. I now have added thank you for the courage to go through with this change in my life. COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE

I read about folks who are sabbotaging themselves subconsciously. I say that because they say..."I know I am doing wrong, I know I shouldn't eat this"...but they eat it anyway. I read in another forum where someone was a few wks out and was eating buttered toast and macaroni salad and ate all day long. They also found a way to cheat around the "no carbonation" thing...just let the soda get flat. In my opinion if I go through all the crap of getting approved-the numerous Drs appointments, the xrays, the EKGs, the bloodwork, the sleep study/s. If I go through all that then am I am going to be harder on myself than I need to?? Damn right!! I am lazy and I don't wanna do all this, but I am making myself because laziness got me here! Laziness is a lover that catered to my every whim, did whatever I wanted and accepted me unconditionally! Laziness is a lover I need to let go! I weigh 361lbs right now! I don't go swimming, I won't dance when we go out (even though I love dancing), I now have anxiety, my vision has changed, my knees hurt, we are having a hard time conceiving..endless list. So am I going to eat macaroni or soda or butter laden noodles? I certainly hope not! I am not going to test my limits to see what I can get away with eating before I vomit:eek:! Gross why would I want to do that?! I have started to work on my future life style so I can get used to it(in a sense). I cut out sodas, I cut out sugars from sweets, I am working on cutting out sugars from breads and pastas. I cut out cooking with oils and have started to chew my food to a mush (my tongue and jaws are sore lol) But I have to make an honest effort! I have to lose this weight or I lose everything. You can't have life if you are dead. Cold hard fact. Remain fat and die fat. Geesh! I even get emabarrased thinking..if I died right now God help the pall bearers!!...funny but heartbreaking because even in death I fight the fat. One day, Cherylita, you will look back on this and say...really? that was me? Thats how I used to think?

I hope this didn't offend anyone...if anyone actually reads my ramblings but I need this out there because I know I will need a good kick in the butt at one point!

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Cherylita:w00t:

Cherylita, Hello...It is a natural state for people to loose their "courage" as you put it. Yes there are people that eat around the band, sabatoge themselves..ect.... The band is a tool only. We are still fat people mentally. It takes time to change your mental state of mind. Usually most people are only like this for a moment or a day..This is a life style change..but some still look at it like a diet. Hence a bigger chance at eating around the band. (mental thing) Diets did'nt work, or people wouldn't get WLS. It's just after a while they start looking at it as another diet. Not a tool, not a life style change. Then you have the ones who really want it, but then they start being afraid of what life will be like. (mental thing again) They want to stay in their comfort zone. I personally think everyone needs to face their demonds before having any WLS done. That way there is a better chance of the tool actually doing what it was ment to do...WORK! Sorry if this is so long and rambling. Did you make me mad ...No. Did you make others mad...I don't know cause I can't answer for them. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

wow!!!! i haven't even gotten the sleep study done yet and i was already feeling scared and like i couldn't do it but you have made me feel a lot better. I'm going to write my own power blog and read it when ever i think I'm cant do it. that was really well written by the way.

good luck to you. my aunt is 5'2, she weighed 375 and she couldn't conceive. she lost like 80lbs and got pregnant. she was thrilled. she messed up though she couldn't give up food and she put it all right back on. she had bypass tho and now they cant to anything for her. its sad she knows its because she didn't change how she eat and she didn't get off the couch. now she has to live with herself and her kids suffer. i wont be like that. I'm fixing it now!

There are some things on this site that have really inspired me. this is one of them. Thank you Cherylita.

Debbie