puddin

I'm scheduled for my lower-body lift! February 16, in about 5.5 weeks, I'm going under the knife. Ooh, that sounds painful. Anyhow, I'm going to lose another 12 pounds before the surgery. He seems to think he'll remove 10-15 pounds of loose skin and fat. Since I"m still losing an skin is still stretching back, I'll lose another 10 pounds or so post-surgery, taking me to like 150 pounds. I'm so freaking excited I can't breathe. I want to send a pic to my ex boyfriend and say "Look what you lost, sukka!" Anyhow, Telly, question for you: Did you gain any weight post-op? I mean, the doc told me I couldn't exercise for 6 weeks. Makes me think I'm in danger of gaining some weight while I'm being all lazy in recovery.

Marion, I agree with your sarcasm! I won't date someone I'm not physically attracted to, and I'm not attracted to obesity. That being said, if I married a man I was physically attracted to, I know those feelings of love and attraction change. I've been with in relationships with attractive men whose good looks became secondary to who they were inside after knowing them and loving them. That luxury isn't afforded if you never first had the attraction and started dating.

So where the heck do you MEET decent guys anyway that don't want to take advantage of you? Goonabethin, I don't wish this addiction on anyone. It wreaks havoc on lives in so many ways, just like all other addictions. It leaves heartbreak on so many levels in its wake.

I will really, really try to be strong. I will try not to text him or email him, even if he does it to me. Maybe in a couple months I'll revisit this. If I still love him, I'll give him a call, but try to only if I'm strong emotionally. I talked to my bishop (religious leader) on Sunday. He says I do have some repenting to do, and need to 'step it up' religiously so that I can find my testimony of chastity before marriage again. I think he will help me a lot through this. This is a pretty serious offense in my religion; I really need to find strength through this.

I think so. Thanks again for all the advice and support. I'll just have to grieve for awhile and slowly get over this and hope to high heaven that he doesn't try to get me back soon.

Awesome!!! Can't wait to get there. I'm hoping to be there in February!

Carlene, you're like this wise, wise person. Yes, it could be a self-esteem issue, but I think it's also related to a sex addiction. I had this prior to getting fat as well. But yes, I enable these men to use me, but they knew I was using them, too. I won't return their calls. I went out with the 6'8" man last night. I just sat and compared him to my ex-boyfriend all night in my mind. I'm simply not ready to date again. A clean slate for me means no dating for a few months, I think. I need to face this problem head-on, rather than masking the feelings with someone else's company. I'll keep busy, but leave men out of the equation for at least a month.

LOL. Carlene, you have NO idea how good your psych skills are. Yeah, he told me he has a sex addiction. He does. But I sort of do too. It was controllable for several years... I think I tried to control it with the weight gain... but now that the weight is off it's back. I've had 2 non-committal makeout sessions with guys this week - one that resulted in 'services' rendered for one man. It's not a good thing. I'm working on it. I'd never tell these kinds of things to people I actually knew. Glad this site is anonymous! You're also right about his rotten relationship skills. He called me on Tuesday because he was in the depths of sorrow (for a reason too long to go into here) and wanted moral support. At this point I was in 'friend' rather than 'girlfriend' mode for him. Yeah, he has some selfish points to him. And the way he said 'athletic' I knew he meant skinny. So maybe in a couple months, after the tummy tuck and boob job, I'll email him a photo with the caption 'Athletic enough?' Kidding.

Chrispy, we did WAAAAY more than make out the whole weekend. That's what hurts the most. Since he's a man of emotion, when he says 'I love you' in the heat of passion, he means it. But then two hours later he doesn't. He may be a frog, I don't know. It may take some time to see that. I'll REALLY, REALLY try to stay strong and not contact him. We've not been good at that the last few days.

Carlene Yeah, let me be blunt about it. The first night we got together, we made out... a lot... which is okay. But the whole time he kept taking his pants off. I'd say "put your pants back on!" Then he'd say "sorry baby" and put em back on. That night, however, he took them off and I just did what he wanted me to do. I cried after. But then the guilt left me the next day and we did it over and over again for the next several days. I'm not a girl who believes in sex before marriage and he doesn't believe in that either. But together, we just sort of forgot about our morals. So we sort of mutually agreed last Sunday to break it off, but within the hour we were at it again, and for the next 2 days and he was talking about us getting together again. It wasn't until everything hit the fan on Tuesday that I said, "Please don't call me again." And you know, your'e right about the new man. He's a good guy. And I get along well with him. He's much better for me, but I'm going to take it slow this time. With the Band, The inclination that I have that weight is a factor was when he told me he liked "athletic" girls. I AM athletic, I just don't QUITE have an athletic body yet. I've been seeing him for 2 months now, and it has been quite an intense 2 months. We just connected right off... it was incredible, but I really think at this point that I like him more than he likes me. I hate that feeling. We go back and forth with that. But Tuesday, after he calls me for moral support, I could tell he still wanted a sexual relationship with his ex-girlfriend. I talked the man out of it and he's stayed strong, but it still hurt me very much to hear it. I really do still love him, but maybe time will cure me of that. But maybe in a few months he will have grown spiritually and we could make it work. Heavens, though, I hope I don't still love him in a few months! Liberty What's immature about this relationship of yours? I'm not in the best spot to give relationship advice right now, but if you can't stand the boy and his immaturity, then WHY stick it out? That's something that's going to last for awhile. What's so immature about him? I hate to say it ladies, but I had to go through a few "throwaway" dates while I was bigger just so I could train myself on how to date again for when I got skinny. I'll tell ya, there's sure a lot more fish in the sea when you lose your weight. I'm hoping as the next 20 pounds come off (and the tummy tuck and boob job happens) that the fish will come swarming in and I can just pick the best filet. Oh heavens, I sound like a guy.

The sizes are dropping so much faster for me now, in the smaller sizes, then they were before. It took FOREVER for me to get to an 18. I think I was 210 pounds and still an 18. But now it's like every 10-15 pounds I drop a size. I went from a 16 to a 14 in one month, and now the 14's are getting pretty loose. I'll probably be a 12 in mid-January. So... my point is that in the beginning, even for awhile, your size doesn't seem to change a ton. People don't even notice the weight loss sometimes, too. But when you get down there, things change rapidly. My face shape changed from round to heart-shaped in like 2 months. People don't recognize me... people I know well but haven't seen for awhile. It will happen for you, just keep on it!

Thanks hun. The guy in my photos is the guy I just broke up with. I need to take his pics down. I have a couple ex's on that photo site LOL. It's like my gallery of long lost men. Time is exactly right. Maybe I'll meet someone I like more. The date I have on New Year's eve should be fun. He's very cute, very fun, respects women, he's 6'8"! And he's SOLID. So I hope he can get my mind off of all this. Maybe in a couple months, if I haven't found someone I like more, I'll ring him up and see how things are. He told me he wouldn't date for like 6 more months. I thought that was a good idea for him.

Another question: Too early to date again? I still am in love with this guy, but I have another date lined up for New Year's Eve. Am I dragging someone else along for MY emotional rollercoaster ride?

I broke up with him because... well... we can't seem to control ourselves around each other. Both of us have compromised our values with each other. We can't seem to be together without doing bad things. Not only that, but, see, it seems like one day he loves me and can't get enough of me, the next day he wants 'space'. He also said some hurtful things to me on Tuesday, things that make me think he's still in lust with this woman he had relations with. He says he loves me for me, but at the same time, I think the fact that I'm still like 20 pounds overweight is a factor for him. I need to keep busy, I really do! Today I just have strep throat (from my ex-boyfriend, Merry Christmas) and I'm home NOT being busy. But thanks for the support and advice. I'm going to try SOMETHING to get my mind off.

Oh you guys, I have this total broken heart. I feel like there's no end in sight right now. I broke up with my boyfriend last Tuesday, right before friggin Christmas! You know, he was amazing, and even though I ultimately broke it off, I want the bastard back. I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone I am that attracted to mentally and physically again. He has the SAME personality as me! The stars seemed to align with him. But oh, it's an emotional rollercoaster ride with him right now. He was recently divorced (like 2 months ago), and needs time to heal and recover... without dragging me along for the ride. Am I a stupid female? I sorta feel like one. I just am SO SICK over this. I'm sick like I'll never recover.

I don't know, dude. People judge you for these things. I mean... you're going to be KNOWN as the lap band guy. Sure you want that kind of attention?

Thanks for the sweet compliment! I'm sure as you lose the weight the PCOS will either go away or diminish. And yes, Dr. Hansen is fantastic. But I have been MORE impressed with the staff. They really, really care about you.

Welcome to LBT! My life is not the same since losing weight - not one little bit! If you can make some real lifestyle changes, the band can be an amazing tool!

Mypov, we have the same band doc! He's amazing. They are the best in Utah Anyhow, I had PCOS my whole life until I lost about 50 pounds. I know it has disappeared. All the symptoms have disappeared. Blood sugar and triglycerides normal now. Periods back to normal... The weight loss can fix it!

Josy I have been in your place my entire life (except for the bulemia). It wasn't until I was in the low 200's that I even started dating again. I hadn't been kissed for 8 YEARS! So I know what you mean. I am also alone this Christmas. I was sort of engaged until Tuesday, but now I'm as lonely as ever. I think if we are able to focus our efforts this season on other people, we may be able to actually have a decent season. I'm going to get out there and do some service for the next few days. Seeing the blessings that we have despite our problems can really help to cheer you up! Maybe that could help you.

Oh dear people, this is impossible! I met someone today I'd gone out with a few weeks ago with the EXPRESS purpose of just making out. I thought "nothing wrong with a little noncommittal makeout action," but I'm wrong! I just can't stop there. It's cold turkey men for me. No more for me!

My recent boyfriend likes his women athletic. I didn't tell him until a month into our relationship that I was as heavy as I used to be. I KNOW he wouldn't have asked me out before, but it doesn't bother me. I probably wouldn't go out with a really heavy guy right now, either. HOWEVER, if we hadn't have had that base to our relationship yet, I think he would not have wanted to continue to date me, knowing how heavy I used to be.

Thanks woman! Yeah, it was me who did the basement in the tropical theme. When I consider what I get from sex that I'm addicted to, it's honestly that feeling of pleasure. When I'm with my (now ex) boyfriend I need it like 10 times a day, and so does he. We are not a good combination. We broke it off yesterday. It was way too intense. Plus... he's a manipulator I've come to realize. Anyhow, now I'm going crazy. I'm looking everywhere thinking "yeah, I'd do him." How awful is that??? I feel like a guy (no offense fellas). I can't control this. I don't want to gain this weight back to have to control this problem again!

I realized this weekend something I think I should have realized long ago: I have this addictive behavior problem. I realized this after visiting my boyfriend in Canada this last weekend. I realized (and this is probably TMI) that I have a sexual addiction problem. I am honestly going to go through a 12-step program to help me get over this. I can't be with him any more. I throw my values to the wind when I'm with him. I'm realizing also that the addictive behavior spreads to all aspects of my life: food, sex, music (I used to practice about 6 hours a day)... everything. I wonder if, when starting off this whole lap banding experience, I should have started with a 12-step program. I think many of us have addictive behaviors and use food as an outlet. I have come to realize that the emotional element is stronger than the band, in many ways. In my opinion we need to get some sort of training on overcoming our emotional addictions to food. Get to the source of the problem!

My goal weight keeps changing as soon as I hit the goals and I see that I actually want to lose more. Right now the goal is 160, but it may get lower once I reach that. My first goal was 206 (100 pounds less than my starting); once I reached that I moved it to 185; once I reached that I moved it to 160. I honestly think I won't be satisfied until I'm at like 145. I know that's fairly low for my height, but I have a bit of an obsession. I'm having a tummy tuck and a bunch of lipo in Feb. I think that should take me down pretty quick.