Oh you guys, I have this total broken heart. I feel like there's no end in sight right now. I broke up with my boyfriend last Tuesday, right before friggin Christmas! You know, he was amazing, and even though I ultimately broke it off, I want the bastard back. I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone I am that attracted to mentally and physically again. He has the SAME personality as me! The stars seemed to align with him. But oh, it's an emotional rollercoaster ride with him right now. He was recently divorced (like 2 months ago), and needs time to heal and recover... without dragging me along for the ride.

Am I a stupid female? I sorta feel like one. I just am SO SICK over this. I'm sick like I'll never recover.

Brakeups do suck! Time is the only thing that will help. Why did you breakup with him? Maybe give it some time, and see what happens.

The best thing for a breakup is keeping busy with your friends. Try to keep you mind of of "him" and just stay busy, I know its a lot easier said then done.

I broke up with him because... well... we can't seem to control ourselves around each other. Both of us have compromised our values with each other. We can't seem to be together without doing bad things. Not only that, but, see, it seems like one day he loves me and can't get enough of me, the next day he wants 'space'. He also said some hurtful things to me on Tuesday, things that make me think he's still in lust with this woman he had relations with. He says he loves me for me, but at the same time, I think the fact that I'm still like 20 pounds overweight is a factor for him.

I need to keep busy, I really do! Today I just have strep throat (from my ex-boyfriend, Merry Christmas) and I'm home NOT being busy. But thanks for the support and advice. I'm going to try SOMETHING to get my mind off.

Sorry your going through this during the holidays. It's easy to say on the other side that things will get better and you'll find someone even better, but the truth is you will. Keep your chin up and take care

Another question: Too early to date again? I still am in love with this guy, but I have another date lined up for New Year's Eve. Am I dragging someone else along for MY emotional rollercoaster ride?

I've seen your pictures, and you look amazing, if you don't lose another pound, your a hottie. So, if he has problems with that, then..........he's not for you.

Sounds like he needs to get over divorce, and sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. So, he might realize your the one for him, and then again, you guys both might realize, your not right for each other. So hang in there, it will get better. I promise. I've been thru a few breakups myself, they are never fun!

I've seen your pictures, and you look amazing, if you don't lose another pound, your a hottie. So, if he has problems with that, then..........he's not for you.

Sounds like he needs to get over divorce, and sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. So, he might realize your the one for him, and then again, you guys both might realize, your not right for each other. So hang in there, it will get better. I promise. I've been thru a few breakups myself, they are never fun!

Thanks hun. The guy in my photos is the guy I just broke up with. I need to take his pics down. I have a couple ex's on that photo site LOL. It's like my gallery of long lost men.

Time is exactly right. Maybe I'll meet someone I like more. The date I have on New Year's eve should be fun. He's very cute, very fun, respects women, he's 6'8"! And he's SOLID. So I hope he can get my mind off of all this. Maybe in a couple months, if I haven't found someone I like more, I'll ring him up and see how things are. He told me he wouldn't date for like 6 more months. I thought that was a good idea for him.

I broke up with him because... well... we can't seem to control ourselves around each other. Both of us have compromised our values with each other. We can't seem to be together without doing bad things.

This (the breakup) may be a blessing in disguise. If this man enables or encourages you to do "bad things" - things you probably would not do if he weren't around - then there is a really good reason you broke it off. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Stay strong. Give the new guy a chance.

What exactly do you mean by bad stuff?

What has he done/said that gives you an inclination that your weight is a factor? How long have you been seeing him...DETAILS please.

I hear ya girl. I am currently going through one now..It sucks bigtime cause i really having had any good relationships..This one is good, But he is sooooooo immature i can't stand it. Im not sure what to do

Carlene

Yeah, let me be blunt about it. The first night we got together, we made out... a lot... which is okay. But the whole time he kept taking his pants off. I'd say "put your pants back on!" Then he'd say "sorry baby" and put em back on. That night, however, he took them off and I just did what he wanted me to do. I cried after. But then the guilt left me the next day and we did it over and over again for the next several days. I'm not a girl who believes in sex before marriage and he doesn't believe in that either. But together, we just sort of forgot about our morals. So we sort of mutually agreed last Sunday to break it off, but within the hour we were at it again, and for the next 2 days and he was talking about us getting together again. It wasn't until everything hit the fan on Tuesday that I said, "Please don't call me again." And you know, your'e right about the new man. He's a good guy. And I get along well with him. He's much better for me, but I'm going to take it slow this time.

With the Band,

The inclination that I have that weight is a factor was when he told me he liked "athletic" girls. I AM athletic, I just don't QUITE have an athletic body yet. I've been seeing him for 2 months now, and it has been quite an intense 2 months. We just connected right off... it was incredible, but I really think at this point that I like him more than he likes me. I hate that feeling. We go back and forth with that. But Tuesday, after he calls me for moral support, I could tell he still wanted a sexual relationship with his ex-girlfriend. I talked the man out of it and he's stayed strong, but it still hurt me very much to hear it. I really do still love him, but maybe time will cure me of that. But maybe in a few months he will have grown spiritually and we could make it work. Heavens, though, I hope I don't still love him in a few months!

Liberty

What's immature about this relationship of yours? I'm not in the best spot to give relationship advice right now, but if you can't stand the boy and his immaturity, then WHY stick it out? That's something that's going to last for awhile. What's so immature about him?

I hate to say it ladies, but I had to go through a few "throwaway" dates while I was bigger just so I could train myself on how to date again for when I got skinny. I'll tell ya, there's sure a lot more fish in the sea when you lose your weight. I'm hoping as the next 20 pounds come off (and the tummy tuck and boob job happens) that the fish will come swarming in and I can just pick the best filet. Oh heavens, I sound like a guy.

Puddin I always say the best way to get over a guy is to date a new one. As long as you're not hurting anyone in the process, I think it's great for you to be dating other people.

Break ups are very, very hard and unfortunately it just really takes time I think. You are beautiful just the way you are and deserve someone who thinks so and respects you for your morals and values, and who doesn't talk about having sex with his ex-girlfriend after you spent a weekend making out with him. Try and remain strong, and just know that you'll find the right guy, even if you have to kiss a few frogs along the way.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Here's my two-semesters-of-psych diagnosis...I think this guy has a sex addiction. At the very least, he has rotten relationship skills. Anyone past the 8th grade knows that you don't mourn your ex to your present girlfriend/boyfriend.

"Athletic", by the way, does not necessarily mean skinny - unless you are a 14 year old gymnast.

Chrispy, we did WAAAAY more than make out the whole weekend. That's what hurts the most. Since he's a man of emotion, when he says 'I love you' in the heat of passion, he means it. But then two hours later he doesn't. He may be a frog, I don't know. It may take some time to see that. I'll REALLY, REALLY try to stay strong and not contact him. We've not been good at that the last few days.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Here's my two-semesters-of-psych diagnosis...I think this guy has a sex addiction. At the very least, he has rotten relationship skills. Anyone past the 8th grade knows that you don't mourn your ex to your present girlfriend/boyfriend.

"Athletic", by the way, does not necessarily mean skinny - unless you are a 14 year old gymnast.

LOL. Carlene, you have NO idea how good your psych skills are. Yeah, he told me he has a sex addiction. He does. But I sort of do too. It was controllable for several years... I think I tried to control it with the weight gain... but now that the weight is off it's back. I've had 2 non-committal makeout sessions with guys this week - one that resulted in 'services' rendered for one man. It's not a good thing. I'm working on it. I'd never tell these kinds of things to people I actually knew. Glad this site is anonymous!

You're also right about his rotten relationship skills. He called me on Tuesday because he was in the depths of sorrow (for a reason too long to go into here) and wanted moral support. At this point I was in 'friend' rather than 'girlfriend' mode for him. Yeah, he has some selfish points to him. And the way he said 'athletic' I knew he meant skinny. So maybe in a couple months, after the tummy tuck and boob job, I'll email him a photo with the caption 'Athletic enough?' Kidding.

I've had 2 non-committal makeout sessions with guys this week - one that resulted in 'services' rendered for one man. It's not a good thing.

This may be more self-esteem related than sex addiction - a not uncommon thing in fat (or formerly fat) women. Going out with men who use you is very bad for your self-esteem. What you need is a brand new boyfriend - one who doesn't have so much baggage, and who isn't such a little boy at heart. Tell the ex to find himself a new counselor (aka shoulder to cry on). If the guys from the casual makeout sessions pop back up, be busy and don't return their calls. It's time to start over, with a clean slate and a new, I-deserve-to-be-treated-like-a-princess attitude. After all, who would try and grope a princess on the first date?