want_so_bad

i too chew gum and drink water-mostly w/ crystal light. i have started a new thing, repeating to myself, nothing tastes as good as thin will feel..... i am gonna type that up and put it on my fridge and pantry doors! and my newly acquired, as of today, munchie curber-----the pic's of my sil she sent of her tummy tuck w/ lipo! all i am gonna have to do is look at those on my cell phone and that will be it. i am so jealous!!!

yeah, i guess that could always be an option, huh? never thought of that...

i think i am sabatoging myself right now. i wrote about how i am on a plateau.... yeah, it is self induced. pretty sure about that. i think i am, ok ok ok, i am nervous about losing more! how freakin stupid is that! i really am. i WANT to, i just need to find a way to be ok with it. does that make sense to anyone else? i dont understand myself. i want so freakin badly to get to my goal weight, maintain and then get my plastics done. the idea/thought of that makes me so happy, but also so scared! what if, when i get there, i still hate how i look? what if its not the me i am imaging? at least at this weight, i know what i look like. and while i hate it, its acceptable. what if i get down to what i want to be and i dont like it? then what do i do? i know i am still at a good point fill wise. i am not losing because i am making bad food choices. bad, but not bad enough to gain. how do i get over these stupid fears?

for my sil who today, as i type this, is getting a tummy tuck and lipo. i should be happy for her! but i am not! i am having such a hard hard time with it. i am so jealous. but its more then that. well, prolly not really, but.... i am working at losing this weight. i am half way to my goal. it has been an incredibly hard journey, as you all know. she wakes up one day, decides she wants it done, and that is that. she is doing it. she didnt even lose the weight her doc recommended for her to lose. i am being so catty and insecure and just shallow about it! but at least not to her, just here and my mom and dh know how i feel.... i dont know if this is really it or not, but its like, i finally get to where i weigh less then her and bam, she takes that away. (so that is my own insecurities, i know.) my dh tells me not to get so upset/worked up. i am doing this the "right" way. our deal is i get to goal and stay for a year and then i get a tt and lipo and boobies. i KNOW i am doing it right. i know i will have great results and look good and its ok. it really is. its just so frustrating to watch her eat what she eats and i eat....ARGHHH!!! why is this so hard for me? i should be happy that she will be happy! i know what its like to be so unhappy with yourself and your appearance. i guess it all just comes back to being insanely jealous. i just want to cry. and i have. i have bawled my freakin eyes out. what is wrong with me? why am i hate'n on her? i look at people here who have had these things done and i am like, right on! good for them! they are awesome! i want to be like them! but there are not these icky feelings. ughh, just so frustrated with myself....:huh2: thanks for letting me vent.

so i have been stuck at the same weight for what seems like ever. i am thinking probably close to a month. i have been contemplating a fill, but am nervous about it as well. i am super tight in the am, until around 3 or so and then i am loose in the evening. i am worried a fill would make it too tight in the am. but i guess as long as it kinda loosened up in the evening that would be ok? i dont really know what i should do. one thing i do know for sure is that i need to exercise at a more consistant rate! i know that would really help. anyone have any advice on the fill? maybe i should wait and see if i get consistent w/ my other things first? i can tell i can now eat more in the evenings, that is a concern also. i have had slim to none will power lately. so i am gonna try to "jump-start" my losing again and go all Protein for a few days. tonight i am cooking a couple chickens on the rotisserie. i also bought those atkins advantage Protein drinks. gonna gag those down. i hope it helps. and last night i set up my ab-lounger and fixed my dvd player so i can do my cardio videos again. i hope i can get things moving in the right direction again.

kat-- yes, going to trial because dh is pleading not guilty. the 3rd guy is a "good" friend of dh's and will testify that they didnt harass the other guy and that the other guy really was driving. its just the one guy that is being like this. dog on my stupid dh all you want. i am! another reason i am so upset about all of this is because i am so passionate about drinking and driving! seriously. i hate it. and now i am such a freakin hypocrite. i want dh to get off of these charges. i cant make all the payments we have w/out him working. if he goes to jail we are so screwed. that said, i hope he gets jail time, but they will let him do it on his days off. he works a week on and a week off. i told him, what if it wasnt a snowbank you hit, what if it were a mom going home with her kids? or anyone for that matter? he hangs his head and says i know i know. but why the f--k doesnt he get it? the worst part, this isnt his first! its his third. the others were before my time.... he told me, you just dont think of things like that at the time. well you damn well should you stupid f-er! i really really dislike him right now for all this. i am sitting here on the verge of tears thinkin of all the shit he has done with this stupid dui. every time i have to call the lawyer or one of the other phone calls i have had to make just get me all upset again. today i told him i wanted to smack him and then smack the other guy. he is all, why you mad at me? because we are going through this because of you! no matter what that other f-er did, its still your fault you were in the position to be in this position!

i just wanted to say the place i was coming from wasnt a racist place, i was simply stating what the man is. that said, i can see where it looks that and i went back and edited those comments out. my purpose wasnt to insult anyone, i am just very mad and upset about the whole situation. and i also just wanted to make it clear that i blame my dh for this whole thing. he is an idiot! that stupid guy wouldnt have been able to even do what he did had my stupid dh made better/different choices! i apologize now if my comments were read before i edited the post and offended anyone.

my stupid ass dh got arrested feb 3 for a dui. well, let me tell ya the story: stupid ass dh LIES to me about going to the bar in the first place. him and 2 guys he works with. one of the other guys was driving back to their place, missed the turn, wrecks car into snowbank. someone stops to help them, husband is behind wheel to drive car while its pulled out. that is when the officer pulls up. he arrests guy driving in the first place for dui. is going to charge my stupid dh and 3rd guy w/ public intox. officer goes to car, comes back, has decided to arrest dh for dui also. i am so furious w/ dh cant stand to look at him...still, a month later! on with the story.... the guy driving went to court a week ago, charges all dismissed. interesting????? stupid dh goes today for drivers license hearing...charges not dismissed. very strange. he only blew a .083, limit is .08.... not to excuse him. if it werent for needing his paycheck i say throw is stupid liein ass in jail! the officer talks to dh in hallwall, tells him he REALLY needs to get a copy of the police report? strange... so we do. that stupid freakin jerkoff that was driving told the officer once he was in the patrol car that HE LIED! and he wasnt driving and my stupid dh and the 3rd guy, lets call him asshole #3, pressured him into saying he was and he just started the job and was scared. FUCKING LIAR! sorry. i am usually not like this. but he is f-ing w/ my world and i am not a happy camper. so basically its his doing that my dh got the f-ing dui in the first place. i swear to god that stupid f-er better hope i dont ever see him. wtf is wrong w/ people? omg i just want to scream and cry and just....UGHHHHHH!!!! so now we are on to a trial, spending a shitload of money on a lawyer. i know its my dh's fault all in all. but that guy lied his ass off to get out of it, putting my world in a tailspin. stupid f-ing piece of shit. i want to bitch slap him. omg, he is so lucky he doesnt live here. my dh is making copies of the police report and is going to tape them all over the rig and the locker room. so everyone can know what a liar and a piece of shit that guy is. well, i told him to, dont know if he really will or not. i cant believe this shit!

i didnt read through all the posts, so sorry if these are repeats. i just had a baby shower for a friend and these are a few of the games i did. if you want copies of any of them, pm me your email and i can send you copies. the candy bar game. i had a list of different words and you had to come up a candy to match. like "night of conception" was a "skor", "grandparents and/or epidural" was "lifesavers", and so on. the price is right. i bought like 10 different baby items, lotion, wipes, shampoo, etc... and then typed up their name w/ 2 different prices. had to pick the right price and then the mom to be got all the stuff. the 3-letter body parts--had to name the 11 3 letter body parts...actually came up w/ a 12 at the party! i also have a word scramble w/ baby related items. and a game where you match the mommy animal name with the baby animal name. buy thank you cards and have everyone self address them for her. that is a HUGE help. i also got some index cards and had everyone write a bit of "mom" advice on it for the new mom. we got things from make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps to take time for yourself. you could play the dont say "baby" game. everyone gets a clothes pin at the start of the shower and then if you hear any one say baby you get their clothespin and whoever has the most at the end wins. i will keep thinkin of any more ideas for ya. hope that helps.

ok, so maybe i am just having problems today....but, do you mean that after you eat half the wrap then each bite makes you sick? or every bite, even the first one makes you sick? if it is the first one, maybe that is your "soft stop" i have heard about? if the second, well, i dont really know. i know i cant eat ANY thing until late afternoon. only liquids until then. i am starting to accept this. its been hard and boy have i tested it. and boy do i pay for it. but i know i am not alone in this restriction pattern, so so be it. i will work it! hope you find something that helps!

damn that harry & david! i just ate 3! 3! 3 freakin chocolate truffles! and i had been doing so freakin good. bad bad day. ok, oh well, shake it off. this is the rest of the day and i will be ok. stupid freakin @#$(*#(@*$. ok, well, i feel somewhat better after that....dang time of the month anyways! wish i were prego...well, let me clarifiy...while prego, i did not like chocolate much! since having her, that taste has returned! lol, thanks for letting me vent.

i was warned by my doc that my band could/would be extra tight during my period due to hormones and whatever. so i hadnt experienced this and was thinkin i must be lucky. that was until this past saturday! i am usually really tight in the am, cant get anything besides coffee/water down until later afternoon or evening. so i didnt think much of it sat that at lunchtime i couldnt eat. i slimed and slimed and slimed and slimed and...yeah, you get the picture. so at dinner i was super careful. the smallest bite of mashed potatos. omg, thought i was gonna die, again! ok, whatever. sunday, same thing. only tighter i swear. i couldnt even get in liquids until noon! yesterday was a little better, almost back to my normal restriction. today i am starving (prolly mostly in my head, i know...) but dont want to try anything besides my crystal light! and, to make it all better, the damn scale is up 3 lbs! stupid thing. i know its the whole monthly thing and bloated, omg, i am bloated! but still! arg! i would pull out my hair if i wasnt so damn scared of losing it! anyone else experience this lovely monthly tightening? any suggestions on what to do to help it? just grin and bare it for a week?

so i need a good kick in my rear. i had a perty bad weekend. sat was so horrible we just wont mention it. sunday wasnt AS bad, but i made a few poor choices. but i had that lightbulb go off today...i screw up when i let myself get too hungry! duhhh..... i know i know, i should already know this. i dont know why it hit me in such a way today. so, better planning on my part for tomorrow and from now on!

i tried that frozen chicken breast from walmart i mentioned, the greek w/ roma tomato and feta. OMG! it was so good. and my boys (8 and 9) loved it too. it has some weird olives in it, i picked all those out because they were not so tasty. but it was very very good. i highly recommend.

i had a post something similiar to this. actually, about the exact same. i have the same restriction. but for the life of me right now i cant remember if i started a post or if i posted to one...i know there are a few out there just like this. wheetsin answered my post and also has the same restricition pattern. let me try to find the posts for you....

i concur...try porn...and toys. my dh bought me a small vibrator type thing that slips on his/my finger...small to start, nothing scary...it has adjustable speeds and different sleeves you can put on it...different textures...worked great. while i hadnt entirely lost my interest in sex on cymbalta, i had lost my ability to orgasm for some time.

something i wanted to say about his clinic, but forgot.... things are definately different then here in the states. i suppose this is probably normal? like i have mentioned, my research wasnt all that. the operating room had far less equipment then any operating room i have been in here at home (and i have had a few!). everything seemed sanitary and everything, just different. am i making sense? i dont even know what i am trying to get across here. i just didnt want to seem like i was like, oh hum, it was nice, the flowers were pretty...twirl my hair around my fingers...., ya know what i mean? and it does seem strange to me how much his looks and charisma are pushed. i would rather he have 10 warts on his nose and be a competent doctor, ya know? after learning some things, i am just glad that i have not had any problems. i am also not saying that i think he is a bad doctor, its not that all. i like him, he did a good job for me. like wasa promotes...do your research!

first off i want to say that i am no way being paid or work for dr h. i just want to share my experience. i have a friend who was banded by dr h. she was banded in dec 06. i was banded oct 07. her best friend, the friend's sister, and the friends' dad were all banded by dr h. after seeing their success, i wanted it done too! it was my light at the end of the tunnell. i was very nervous about going to mexico to begin with. my mom went with me and we had a pact that if either of were uncomfortable, we would leave. i had read some posts here about dr h, both good and bad. i decided to go ahead, mainly because of my friends success and those she knew. i have had no problems, no infections, and things are working well. i know i would lose more/faster if i were making better decisions, but that is on me, not the doc. i thought i would address some things that people have said here with my own opinion/experience. -yes, the doctor is nice looking. i didnt fall all over myself like many talk about. maybe just not my cup of tea. i have a hard time understanding why his looks even matter! -yes, he did that flirty, complimenting thing. kinda bugged me, seemed weird, but whatever. -his staff/ the nurses were nice. did their job's. at times the language difference made things weird for me. but hey, i was in mexico, i should have learned some spanish. -he never claimed the no problems thing with me. but i cant say if i full out asked either, i dont remember, so i dont think i probably did. my bad. boy have i learned a few things i should have done more research about! -now this is my personal opinion, and if i offend the couple people that i am gonna talk about, and if i am wrong, i am sorry. but, when i posted about going to him i was contacted by a few people here that just praised him and went and on and on. it made me feel so much better. now that i look back, and have learned more, i think maybe they work for him? but again, that is my opinion. -his "hospital" is not a hospital. definately agree with it is just a clinic and should be referred to as such. that said, it was nice. the accommadations made for my mother were great. she stayed in my room, was treated very well, and was even included in meals that were cooked there. it was very nice that she didnt have to go out in a strange city looking for food and such. dr h took us to find a rosary we wanted to get for my grandma himself, which i thought was nice. -the day i left things seemed unorganized somewhat. i didnt have a presciption ready for pain killers to take with me. that bugged me. i wasnt given anything other then baby tylenol. i really didnt need it much, but a few days after i had been home i overdid things when i felt better and was glad i had a presciption from something else. -either dr h or a member of his staff have contacted me here and there to check on my progress. i get emails occassionaly. at one time i had thought i would go back for plastics when i needed it. but the more i research it, i dont think so. not because of any one thing particular, just because. -my fill doctor here in the states said everythign is great. good placement, good everything. so i hope that helps. if anyone wants any more info or to double check i am who i am, please pm me and i will share more.

hmm, my above post didnt really work right now did it. stupid quote thing! my answer about the chicken is stuck inbetween her quote.

oh yes, they did that too! and thank you for the carb explaination!

ok, so what is the difference? i found these really yummy yummy low-carb wraps that actually dont get stuck. on the front it says, 6 net carbs, yet on the nutrition label it says 16 carbs. i only have 1/2 of one, one whole one is considered one serving. what is the difference between the net carbs and the carbs? please help!

i bought some of the chicken breasts you guys all like. there were also some other frozen chicken breast stuffs...now i cant remember the exact name but it is something like greek style chicken slices w/ feta and roma tomatos. looked good so i go that too. i will let you know how it is. i am also not following atkins to a perfect "t", but closely. anyone else doing it like that? how many good carbs are we allowed each day? i better go back to the begin of this thread and read again. i guess my question is this, since i am not following it perfect, what points are most important to follow? i know the low to no carb thing. should i be more careful of the calories or fat or what? i am thinking calories, right? thanks for any help! oh, and i have to share my lack of brain moment from last night. i was boiling eggs and forgot about them. boiled the water right out of the pan. my son was like, mom something smells funny, like burning. omg, the eggs were burned to the pan, the pan was burned. it was horrible! derr me!

so i am not as whacked out today. still feel just kinda off though. i was tryin to waste some time the other night before the boys swim lessons so i went to the store and tried on some pants...nothing like self imposed torture! i fit into the same size and then one smaller then my husband wears! yeah, i was tryin on guys pants, they had the cutest wranglers! go me go me. made my night. i had to call and tell him. so that made me feel better, but now i am hormonal and bloated and feel icky again..... thanks for the words of encouragement.

i was plannin on starting to follow atkins tomorrow, perfect timing to find this thread. i feel stuck at this weight and havent lost any for a week and its buggin me, so i am gonna do this to get started losing again. wish me luck!

i dont know what my problem is today. i want to cry. i want to scream. i want to be done with all these changes and the losing weight and the tummy tuck and the new boobs. i want this damn thing out and i want to pig out. i want to curl up and sleep for days. i want to feel good. i want to look good. i want to take the knife myself and cut of this apron of skin and fat hanging here. think its possible to take the fat and skin off my stomach and add it to my flat ass? why am i having such a break down today? my stomach/port area is really sore and my back hurts and i am just needing to vent/whine or something to people who understand. lord knows that my dh doesnt it, and the d stands for damn right now, or dumb, whichever. good lord i feel like losing my mind! right along with this other 30 damn lbs.