i think i am sabatoging myself right now. i wrote about how i am on a plateau.... yeah, it is self induced. pretty sure about that.

i think i am, ok ok ok, i am nervous about losing more! how freakin stupid is that! i really am. i WANT to, i just need to find a way to be ok with it. does that make sense to anyone else?

i dont understand myself. i want so freakin badly to get to my goal weight, maintain and then get my plastics done. the idea/thought of that makes me so happy, but also so scared! what if, when i get there, i still hate how i look? what if its not the me i am imaging? at least at this weight, i know what i look like. and while i hate it, its acceptable. what if i get down to what i want to be and i dont like it? then what do i do?

i know i am still at a good point fill wise. i am not losing because i am making bad food choices. bad, but not bad enough to gain. how do i get over these stupid fears?

Well you can always tell yourself that if you get to goal and don't like it , you can just put the weight back on.

yeah, i guess that could always be an option, huh? never thought of that...

i think i am sabatoging myself right now. i wrote about how i am on a plateau.... yeah, it is self induced. pretty sure about that.

i think i am, ok ok ok, i am nervous about losing more! how freakin stupid is that! i really am. i WANT to, i just need to find a way to be ok with it. does that make sense to anyone else?

i dont understand myself. i want so freakin badly to get to my goal weight, maintain and then get my plastics done. the idea/thought of that makes me so happy, but also so scared! what if, when i get there, i still hate how i look? what if its not the me i am imaging? at least at this weight, i know what i look like. and while i hate it, its acceptable. what if i get down to what i want to be and i dont like it? then what do i do?

i know i am still at a good point fill wise. i am not losing because i am making bad food choices. bad, but not bad enough to gain. how do i get over these stupid fears?

Your feelings make sense to me. I was banded the day before you. I went through a difficult time in January and part of February. I really think I lost momentum because I started worrying about my appearance (when looking naked in the mirror) and worrying about how the skin will be as I continue to lose weight. The thought of plastic surgery is exciting and terrifying.

I really don't know how I snapped out of it. I can only think of two possibilities... time and lots of prayer. I've learned to block out the thoughts and focus on the health reasons for losing the weight. Now if someone asks me about my skin and what may happen in the future, I'm able to respond without worry and getting into a shitty attitude.

Hopefully, you will get over this quickly. It really is mind over matter. Stay focused on the positive! Your thoughts will guide you in the right direction if you steer clear of the negative. Focus on being the healthiest you that you can be!

Anne